Visiting

Today was an odd day. I'd made plans, way back, with my sister to go visit the cemetaries where my grandmother and grandfather are buried. No, they aren't in the same one - long story.

Anyway, we got some swags and took them from one end of the valley to the other. I haven't visited either of them in a couple of years. My grandmother has been gone for 20 yrs come January. I just can't believe it's been that long. Some day I'll tell you about her but for today let's just say I'm missing her alot. And my grandfather has been gone for almost 10 years. Another story for another day.

So we were on our way, boys in tow, when my sister decided to call a dear friend about when we are meeting on Christmas Eve. This friend laid a huge surprise on us, a great and wonderful surprise. A little background...

We've known the G family for many years now. Mrs G worked with my dad. About the time my parents split up the G family was going thru a tough time and ended up living with my mom. At this point they had 5 boys, the youngest just older than a year. One day I went over to visit my mom and was greeted with the news that Mrs G was in the hospital. She had been pregnant and something was wrong with the baby. None of us realized that she was even pg! I'm not clear on all that happened but the outcome was crystal clear, the baby - a little girl - did not make it.

Sarah Elizabeth was a beautiful little girl. I was fortunate enough to be able to see her right after she was born. Mrs G wanted the boys to come to the hospital and I offered to go with them to help. The nurses were so good to the family, much more so than I expected.

So, back to today. Mrs G told my sister that they were going to the cemetary to see Sarah, and her new marker. The G family had been unable to afford a marker 9 years ago when they buried her. A while back Mr G found out about a small local foundation that helps families with the burial costs, partial or all depending on the situation. So they applied for, and got, assistance paying for Sarah's marker and today was the first time they were going to see it. One of the local tv stations decided to do a story on the G family and the foundation that helped them, to promote the work the foundation is doing.

Again I was fortunate enough to go with them today. It's the first time since the funeral that I'd been out there. It is a beautiful marker!

Going with them today was sobering for me. At the time I wasn't a parent, at the time I didn't know that the seemingly simple process of growing and having a baby could go so wrong in such a hurry, at the time I just didn't understand. Today I couldn't help think about Thomas and Ryan, and their parents, as I was standing there. I watched Mr and Mrs G relive the pain of that time 9 years ago (almost exactly) so that others might know they aren't alone in their grief.

I wish I could lessen their pain. Mrs G told me that she still aches for Sarah 9 years later. But if something good can come of reliving that pain then she will gladly do it. I don't know if I could be that giving even after 9 years.

Happy Birthday To Me

Not!

So I'm now taking my horse pills and feeling a little better already. I swear, could they make these things any bigger?

And to top it all off, AF visited today. Just the early birthday present I didn't want. Now there's no possibility of getting pg until next summer at the earliest. By then DS will be 3.5 years old. What's worse is I will be 38.5. Not exactly ideal - especially when you consider the very real possibility that DH could get extended over seas.

I know, I've whined about it before but I really don't relish the idea of being pg after 40. The toll it takes on the body aside, I just don't like the risks for the baby.

I also would have liked DS to have a sibling closer in age. I'm 8 yrs older than my youngest sister and often times feel like I barely know her. I was graduating high school when she was starting elementary school. I wanted DS to have a sibling he could hang out with, go on road trips with, get in trouble with, you know normal close in age sibling stuff.

It must be the hormones making me crazy about this again, or maybe it's fatigue. Either way sorry to be so depressing. It's just I was hoping for a miracle while DH was home this cycle.

I Have What?!

It's not what you think. Last week I came down with a very painful ear ache. It started on Weds and by Thursday not even tylenol would touch it, plus I was running a fever. So I called in sick for work and headed to the doctor.

The doc took a look at my ears and said they were clear. Ok, so it's not an ear infection...or a sinus infection. Those were the two conditions I'd self diagnosed. So the doc says let's look at your throat. Ok, it doesn't hurt but what the heck.

So she takes a peak and says "One of your tonsals is swollen. I'd better take a strep culture, just in case." Again I humor her and allow her to gag me with an extra-ordinaraly long q-tip. I even carry the instrument of torture to the lab FOR her after my appointment, lol!

All thoughts of ears and throat are driven from my mind (mostly) that evening and Friday when our area is hit by the "storm of the century". We lost power, some still don't have power back on. All heck broke loose - long gas lines, horrible traffic due to malfunctioning lights, downed trees everywhere, you get the picture.

Imagine my surprise this evening when I check my voicemail and find a message from the doc that the culture came back positive! What?! My throat doesn't even hurt! My ears are still sore but that's about it.

Luckily the pharmacy opens early in the morning. The doc wants to put me on a course of antibiotics. I'm going to try to be there when the doors open so I can get to work. I can't believe this! I haven't had strep in years!

Guess it goes to show, you can't judge an illness by it's symptoms...

Melancholy Days

I suppose the incessant rain this week has made me feel this way. Maybe not really and truly depressed, just a little blue when I have time to think and no distraction besides the sound of the rain on the eves.

The euphoria of DS's birthday has passed and I'm realizing with each passing day just how grown up he's getting. He had his 3 year check up yesterday and was pronounced healthy as can be by the doctor. I'm glad for that. But the fact that he used the potty (standing up even) while we were out that afternoon and has been pretty consistent about telling me when he has to go makes me both happy and sad. Don't get me wrong, we still have a long way to go to be 100%! But watching him get himself ready (I do it Mommy!) and then actually go... well, he's definitely not a baby any more.

The other thing that has me a little down actually has nothing to do with DS - or me for that matter. I have a dear friend in AZ who has been TTC her first child almost since I got pg with DS. They've gone thru numerous IF treatments and have gotten 2 BFP's, one last Dec and one this past Sept. Both ended in miscarriage. I'm just devastated for her and her DH. I know there's nothing I can do but be here for her to talk if she wants. But even so I really don't know what she's feeling because I've never had to go thru that kind of grueling procedure nor have I had a miscarriage.

And the frustrating part for me comes when I have encounters like I had yesterday at the mall. DS and I were having lunch in the food court while waiting for Santa to finish feeding the reindeer. A little girl about 4 walked up to the hot dog on a stick place and attempted to order her lunch. The gal at the counter asked her where her mommy was and the little girl proceeded to yell across the food court for her mom to come over - for a good 2 minutes! The mom finally worked her way over, pushing a cart with a younger child probably about 1 year old. She was very obviously pg and was very quick to loudly tell the clerk behind the counter she was having twins. Twins! Must...resist...the...urge...to...scream... I couldn't help thinking (rightly or wrongly) how can someone like her end up with 4 kids under the age of 4 and not my friends, the ones who have tried so long and so hard to even bring home one baby.

So, you can see that the weather (and my hormones - PMS is such a wonderful thing) is getting the better of me these days. It's going to be a long week....

Good News and Other Things

The good news is, DH called and he made it back to his base safely. It's going to be a long 7 months til he's home again. And the really frustrating part is there are already rumors that his unit might be called up next summer! That's not to say he will end up having to go overseas again, but there's no guarantee he won't.

And the strangest thing happened to me today. I got an email from an old friend from college. I've known this guy for roughly 12 years. He's the best friend of an ex-boyfriend but we've managed to work past that (we don't talk about him). Anyway, out of the blue today he decides to email me thru my Reunion.com profile. I guess that's why it's out there, right? The last time I talked to T it was just days, literally, before I met DH.

I don't know why his email took me by surprise but it did. T is kind of a complex guy - brilliant and very aware that he is. I always feel like I have to be on my guard with him. I'm not saying I don't feel safe, just that I'm a bit out of practice dealing with him. He knew me during a very dark period of my life and yet has managed to not be revolted by what he knows. In some ways he knows me better than I know myself. It's like he can read my mind sometimes. At least that's how it used to be. Should be interesting catching up with him and his family. I liked his wife the couple of times I met her. She seems to balance him out well.

Can It Really Be?!

My DS is three years old, well ok, he will be in about 20 min. OMG! Where has the time gone. I just can't get over how quickly the time has gone. Tonight we started the festivities of "birthday weekend" by taking DS out to Red Robin for dinner. He loves to eat there, especially when the waiters and waitresses sing "Happy Birthday" to people. Of course we told the waiter it was DS's birthday and they came and sang a song for him. He was SOOOOO excited! He danced in his chair while they were singing, lol.

I've spent the last few nights going through our pictures of DS to create a special little montage for his birthday. It was so tough to narrow it down. His first year seems like so long ago! I barely recognize my bigger boy as that baby, and yet I can still feel him nuzzle me as we nursed and that sweet baby smell still lingers on the edge of my mind, ready to come to the surface of my memory at the slightest nudge. I am grateful for the wonderful three years we've spent together. DS has been happy and healthy, what more can a Mommy ask for her child?

Happy Birthday Sunshine!


Celebrating Jack's Third Birthday

Let It Snow!

The last couple of days here have been full of fun and excitement. Monday night DH and I went to the Seahawks/Packers game. It was lots of fun, especially when it started snowing shortly before the game started. What we didn't realize was how it would impact our drive home (3 hrs!).

Needless to say no one went anywhere yesterday due to the ice and snow. Yes, we are wimps here. It doesn't snow often enough for people here to be used to driving in the snow.

Anyway, we took lots of pictures and I decided to make a little montage. I hope you enjoy it!

Oh, and yes, I did go to work today. The roads were better though people were still wary of ice and driving slowly. I have to go in tomorrow and work all morning at airpark. Can you say COLD?!

OK, on with the show...



A Snowy Day In Seattle

Happy Thanksgiving

So another Thanksgiving day has come and gone. This year was especially nice since we are here with my family and DH is home. We had a wonderfully relaxing day.

Reflecting on what I am grateful for has been an ongoing theme today (as you might expect). The short list is:

1) My family. I'm blessed with a wonderful DH and a happy and healthy DS. Remembering where my life was before I met DH is like remembering another person's story. I'm so grateful to him for all he has taught me. And my DS - well he's just the most perfect little boy (even when he's irritating me). Three years ago I was anxiously awaiting his arrival and today I was enjoying the sweetest kisses and hugs.

2) My extended family. I'm very lucky to have parents and sisters who are as great as mine.

3) The opportunity to work in a field I love. Not many people are able to change career paths as radically as I've done. I feel lucky to be able to have this chance.

4) My friends. I have wonderful IRL and on-line friends. You all keep me sane and provide me with endless hours of entertainment and love. For you I'm immensely grateful and I wish you peace, love and joy.

Coming Home

DH is coming home! He's on his way and I can't begin to tell you how excited I am. It's only for two weeks but I'll take it. I can't wait to see the look on DS's face when he sees his daddy tomorrow. I don't know what time he'll be home, exactly, but I'm anticipating it will be some time mid to late afternoon.

That means, of course, that I'll be scarce around here - if it's possible to be even more scarce than I already am.

Oh, and I did get the "thing" out of DS's car and yes, it was the tip of my thermometer. Sigh! I haven't gotten a replacement yet. I'll do that this weekend.

Excitement and fatigue are getting the best of me and I must get some sleep. But I want to let Jelly and Claire know I'm thinking of them. I know it's been a rough week for both of you and I hope you take good care of yourselves. ((((((((((Jelly)))))))))) and ((((((((((Claire)))))))))) headed your way.

Sabotage

OK, so I know DS is too little to really sabotage (on purpose) but I had to share this little tale for those of you on the TTC rollercoaster...

I've been very bad about temping this cycle and my chart is a mess. I was going to give up on the last couple of days. You know how it is, DH isn't home so no BDing, DS has been sick off and on the last couple weeks, etc.

So, this morning DS woke up soaked. Not sure if it was just sweat or an overly full pullup. I ended up stripping the bed to wash his sheets. Because DS was a little terror I decided to take him to the mall to the kids playground and do the laundry later. When we got home he was in desperate need for a nap but alas his bed wasn't made. The easiest solution was for him to nap in my bed.

Now, my thermometer is always on the rail right near my pillow so I can grab it when the alarm goes off. And my DS, as many people know, is a car fiend. He needs to have at least one car in bed with him and his bear Ojo. Today's naptime choice was a little Hot Wheels car.

DS was resisting his nap when all of a sudden I hear "Uh oh! I broke my car!" from the bedroom. I go in to find he'd gotten something stuck inside the car (through the window) and I couldn't get it out...Are you following the train of thought here?!

That's right - it is the tip of my thermometer! Grrrrr!!! I didn't discover it until just a few minutes ago when I went to record today's temp and noticed the tip was missing. Sigh!!! At least I get paid this week so I can get a(nother) new thermometer. And no, I still haven't gotten the tip out of the car.

Piss and Moan About Everything Club

I think I need to purchase a membership in said club. Seriously! This whole PMS thing just sucks. I've been in a foul mood the last couple of days and I hate it. Today I feel it settling in the way a cold chill settles into your body when you've spent a little too much time playing in the snow.

Of course the weather probably has something to do with it. It's been raining more than not for the last week. Now I remember why I moved to Arizona 8 years ago.

I did manage to get the invites for DS's birthday party written out and will get them put in the mail tomorrow (even though there's no mail service). Believe it or not, that was the hard part! I haven't written anything long hand like that in I don't know how long.

And, yes, I did delete the link for the board I mentioned yesterday.

Can't...Stop...Looking...

When I was pregnant I belonged to two online communities for women due the same time I was. I really enjoyed both groups for the most part. Of course, as we had our babies and they grew older we went from an "expecting club" to a "play group", and I reconnected with a third group of ladies who were TTC or had gotten pg (finally). All was well and good, more or less.

One of the play groups was merged with mommies and babies from a couple of other months and I continued to post, though not with as much regularity. And in the last year or so I've pretty much stopped posting there all together.

Right before I stopped posting one of the women on that particular board became pregnant. It's not that I begrudge her her fertility. Under any other circumstances I would have been happy for her - even though sad for myself and several other ladies I know who are having fertility issues. This particular woman already had 4 kids and was told with her last one that she should not have any more babies because it would be detrimental to her health (read you could die from this!) and yet there she was, pregnant with #5 and #6. Yup twins!

As it turned out she did lose one of the twins, unfortunately. She had the remaining baby a few weeks ago.

So, what does all this lead up to you might ask?

The stupid woman is actually considering risking another pregnancy! Augh!!!

I've got to stop lurking on that board. I find myself silently screaming at the posts on this subject, and a few others. I scream silently because DS is asleep in the next room;-) But somehow it's like watching an accident - I can't seem to turn away. Please, please please...someone make it STOP!!!

I suppose the best thing to do is to just delete the website bookmark from my favorites. That will remove the temptation of reading posts. I think I will, since most of the people I was "friends" with on that board no longer post, for what I'm assuming are many of the same reasons I no longer post (not just the pg woman "thing").

Making Plans

I've begun making firm plans for DS's birthday party. I put a deposit down on the "banquet room" at the Mexican restaurant near my dad's house. As I was figuring how many people we will be hosting I was shocked to realize there are almost 40 of us! And that's just family, no friends from school. There is no way we could fit that many people in my dad's house. And the way the weather's looking we won't be able to use the back yard. One of the hazards of a winter birthday in Seattle.

We are going to get appetizers and non-alcoholic drinks. If people want beer or margaritas they can order them separately.

I'm also having the cake made by a very good friend of ours. I've known this kid, yes he's still a kid to me though he's almost 20, for a number of years. He does a fabulous job.

We're going to get a pinata for the kids and put it on a pole. No, I'm not dumb enough to trust little kids with a stick in a restaurant, lol! They now make pinatas you "break" by pulling on a string. Very restaurant friendly!

I'm so excited about this party. It will be the first time we've been able to throw a real birthday party for him, rather than having one here and one there over the space of 2 weeks.

Realizations

It has come to my attention - at least I'm now willing to admit it - that my DS will be 3 years old in less than a month. Holy SHIT! When did that happen?! I'll wax poetic (in other words bore you) on this subject in a few weeks

Life has been so crazy lately. I'm really enjoying work, though I wish the hours were more and more steady.

Friday was a fun day. I kept DS home from school and we met my sister, nephew, and my cousin, her little boy and sister at the children's museum. It was so much fun! We played in all the areas and I got some great pictures. I need to download them from my camera and put them on our web site.

And it's now about two weeks til DH comes home. I can't begin to tell you how anxious I am to have him home. He tells me he will be going out on runs pretty much right up until he's scheduled to leave.

I was just looking at some of the pictures he sent us. He looks tired (duh!). But it's more than that. There was one picture in particular, of him on the range with his rifle, that caught my attention. It was like looking at a stranger really. He's a loving sensitive man, his hands are strong yet so gentle, and to see (I mean really see) him holding a weapon that can take someone's life. Well, it just seemed unreal to me that it was the same hands that hold me close at night, that comfort our son when he is crying, those same loving hands that I held on our wedding day. In the back of my mind I wonder what life will be like once he's home at the end of all this. It's just that you hear stories of how different the soldiers are when they return and I wonder if I'm up to the challenge of helping him readjust to the "normalcy" of every day life.

Affirmed

This weekend was "football weekend" around here. Friday night DS and I met my sisters and we all went to my (and my sister's) high school homecoming game. I haven't been to a LHS game in years - literally. It was very interesting. The band is still playing the same songs, the dance squad is still doing similar dances, the cheerleaders are still doing the same basic routines, and the football team still sucks. Who says things never stay the same!?

Saturday night was the big ASU v UW football game. My sister is a Husky and I (of course) am a Sun Devil. Not the biggest NCAA rivalry out there but close enough in our family. Both teams are mediocre at best. The game was close, closer than it should have been, but in the end we managed to edge the Dawgs in overtime. It was a nice few hours out without the boys, though it was good to pick DS up from my mom's house.

The other fun thing about last night's game was that my former supervisor came up from AZ. Her son and DIL live here so it was the perfect opportunity to see her. We chatted a little before the game started and, like my high school, nothing has changed. The difficult situation I left has not gotten any better, and quite frankly isn't likely to any time soon from the sounds of it. After she left to return to her seat I couldn't help thinking that we really did make the right decision, moving up here.

You see, I've been second guessing moving lately. Money is tight, much tighter than I anticipated, and I was beginning to question the wisdom of making a career change now. But after listening to the situation in my former job I have to say I'm glad I did it. I know this is a temporary situation, I'm just "paying my dues" and gaining experience I'll need to get a full time position when DH comes home next summer. It's nice to have that affirmation.

In Love Again

Yup, you read right, I've fallen in love again - with reading! I've always loved reading. When I was a kid I could put away a book a week (or less). But once I got to college I had very little time to read for pleasure. Reading text after text really dampened my enthusiasm and, as a result, I hadn't picked up a book for fun reading in almost 20 years.

But about 3 weeks ago the most miraculous thing happened. I finished the book I was reading for work and was looking for something to take with me for my shifts at Airpark. My step mother suggested I pick up a Harry Potter book and take it with me - so I did. I am now hooked!

I know many people finished them along time ago but, as I mentioned, my reading time has been consumed with text books. I didn't want to risk what has happened. I'm addicted to the darn things!

The plus side to this is that my son has decided HE wants to read books too. He will bring me one of his books and say "I read Harry Potter too Mom." (and don't ask me how he knows I'm reading Harry Potter). Of course I put my book aside to read with him. I'm hoping that he will develop a love for reading too. I'll admit that, up until now, I haven't spent great amounts of time reading with him. As an infant, and even now, he was never interested in sitting still long enough.

It's nice thatI've become reaquainted with my "old friend". I have to say I've really missed it;-)

The Bloody Nose

So this morning started off on entirely the wrong foot. I forgot to change my alarm time and ended up waking up several hours earlier than I needed to be. Sigh! I managed to doze off again until my "real" wake up time.

I was a little surprised that DS didn't wake up earlier, as he tends to do on days like this. I ended up going in and waking him up - and getting the surprise of MY life! He had developed a bloody nose! The poor kid...it must have just started shortly before I walked in because it wasn't everywhere yet. We were finally able to get it stopped but it did take a while. I took him to daycare but ended up picking him back up an hour or so later when they called to tell me his nose had started bleeding again. Given the "stuff" that came out, I think it was his sinus clearing out the old blood rather than it really starting up again. The rest of the day was blood free.

And did I mention that keeping an almost 3yo boy from running around the house like a crazy man is hard?! OMW, this child has energy! Thank goodness he's a good movie watcher. He got a treat and was able to watch a couple movies back to back, which helped keep him still.

I will say I was tempted to take him into the doctor but didn't. But after thinking about it, the house was really warm last night, he was layered in blankets and a blanket sleeper and I think he got too warm and his nose got too dried out. I bought a cool mist humidifier and set it up in his room. We'll try running it at night and see if it helps.

Just when you think it's safe to say, "I have nothing new going on. It's all the same old same old..."

Pumpkins and Rain

So today my sisters and I took the boys to pick pumpkins. We've planned this for about 2 weeks now and of course it rained. Because schedules are what they are we stuck to our plan. It wasn't too bad when we got there but almost as soon as we got out into the pumpkin patch it started to rain harder. Sigh! We hurriedly got our pumpkins and then headed to find some lunch. We did get some good ones so I'm not complaining.

I do have to share this little video clip of DS. I took it last night (Saturday night) when we were playing in the back yard.

Part Time?!

I just wanted to check in and let "all my faithful readers" know I haven't forgotten about you! I promise! I've gotten so busy lately it's just craziness. Who knew a part time job could take up so much of your time. I do check in with the board when I can, and I'm stalking blogs as often as possible to keep up with you all!

DS is getting bigger by the day. He's enjoying school and bath time again (hooray!). I really think he's developed a fear of spiders which has contributed to the bath issue. Not sure where it came from since I've tried very hard no to pass my fears and phobias on to him. A couple of weeks ago he noticed a spider had built its web right outside the front door. It freaked him out and I had to carry him, and everything else, out to the car. Now he checks for spiders every time we leave the house. Needless to say we aren't decorating with spiders this Halloween.

Sunday we are planning to hit the pumkin patch with my sister and nephew. It should be lots of fun! I can't belive my nephew will be turning one next week. The time sure has flown!

Time for bed. It's going to be an early morning again.

In Memoriam

Today I received word that one of my former professors passed away. Jane was always the bright spot in an otherwise crazy haze of memories from my first attempt at college. She was my acting professor and encouraged everyone that they COULD act, even if they didn't think they could. She was a bit eccentric, as many in the theatre can be, but always there to help and support you. It isn't often that I would go back and visit but when I did, and she was there, she always had a hug and smile ready.

You will be missed Jane!

Mystery Solved - More or Less

So two baths have come and gone since my last post. Sunday night's bath was enlightening, to say the least. DS began to freak out again before he even got a toe wet in the bath tub. When I managed to coax him into the tub I noticed he was staring at the water intently. Then it happened, a stray hair began floating toward him. All hell broke loose once again. He again started to try to climb up me. I got the hair out but not before he noticed another one. The bath tub mat had been collecting hair and was releasing it as the water ran for DS's bath! Needless to say that mat got tossed in the trash that very night!

Tonight's bath was a similar experience - sans floating hair. I think DS was just anxious. I even tried to coax him into relaxing in a nice frothy, warm bubble bath and the familiar sounds of The Wheels On The Bus. No go! I was lucky to get his hair washed. But he did want to sing with me after I got him out of the tub and was getting him dressed.

Next attempt at bribery - new bath toys and bath tub paints!

A Fear of Soap

OK, I know the stereo type of little boys not liking taking a bath but for this story please divorce yourself of it. My DS LOVES bath time, at least he did up until recently.

Earlier this week, Weds night to be exact, was the first time I noticed this fear that DS has developed. He got into the bath tub just fine and allowed me to wash his hair with minimal complaint. So far so good. The whole process was going really well - until he realized there was soap in the water! At which point he started to freak out. I managed to get through the bath quickly(rinsed off) and get him out and he was fine.

Fast forward to tonight. Again, the pre bath ritual went off without a hitch. Potty...check...warm water...check...soap, shampoo and cup...check... Commence operation squeaky clean! I get his hair all lathered up and rinsed, no problem - until he again notices the soap bubbles floating on the water! All hell breaks loose. Uncontrollable crying and shaking with fear. He was practically climbing up the front of me to get away from the soap! All he could say is "No soap" when I asked him what was wrong. He was still covered in body wash so I had to take him into my dad's bathroom to rinse him off because he would NOT get back in the tub. A few minutes later he was perfectly fine, no sign of the hysteria at all!

I'm truly at a loss here. We've gone from a kid who used to beg to take a bubble bath to one who can't even handle a little bit of shampoo floating on the water!

And so I'm up at 1am thinking about this and wondering how to help him get over it. Did something happen at day care? I can't ask that question right now because they are closed. Did something happen last weekend at my mom's? No, I don't think so because they didn't say anything about having to bathe him while he was there. He hasn't been out of my sight in the last two weeks except to go to day care or visit with my mom and sister while I was at work last weekend.

It's a mystery....

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

My son has decided this is his favorite song and walks around the house singing it. It's so cute! I need to try to get it on video for DH to see. The funny thing is, he "stylizes" the song. That is, he will sing parts of it really fast and then stops and sings the rest of it really slowly. Hilarious!!

Last night we went to my godson's soccer game. It's the first time DS has seen a soccer game. It was very chilly and the fog moved in about half way through the game. Fall has DEFINITELY arrived. And the funny thing is, while I was chilled, it felt very good to actually be able to see, feel and smell the approach of fall. Of course the whole time I kept thinking, thank goodness DH isn't here, lol. He HATES the cold and dampness of fall and winter.

Oh, and DS learned how to "play" soccer. My godson's brothers were very good about playing with him and kicked the ball around with him. It was fun to watch. My godson is 9yo and I've known this family since his oldest brother was 4yo (he's now 19!).

Flashback

Tonight there was not much on tv. I'm not much of a reality show watcher so that leaves precious little for me most nights. I've taken to watching alot of TLC, Discovery Channel and PBS lately. Tonight was a PBS kinda night, lol.

So while I was searching for something to watch, I stumbled across a wonderful program dedicated to the music of John Denver. I know, I know...but honestly, I do like his music. As a child I would sing with his records/songs. He was one of the singers who inspired my "style". But I never fully appreciated the poetic - ness (is that even a word?) of his lyrics.

As an adult - a wife and mother - his songs take on an all new meaning for me. I've always loved Leaving On A Jet Plane, Annie's Song, Country Roads, etc. They are GREAT sing-a-long songs. But now I really get them.

And as I listened to Annie's Song for the umpteenth time tonight my mind inevitably went to my DH. The love I have for him and how much I miss him. Yes I'm a sap, lol. The next few weeks can't go fast enought...

Quiet On The Home Front

All's quiet on the home front these days. Seriously, things are so boring here. It's the same old same old. Not that I'm complaining! I'll take it after the turmoil of the last few months.

I was talking to DH tonight (first time in 24 + hours) and realized he'll be home in about 8 weeks! Yikes!! The last 8 have gone by so quickly, I hope the next 8 will also. It will be nice to have him home.

DS is doing well at school. This morning I found out that he has a buddy he likes to hang out with at school. That makes me very happy! I know he plays with all the kids at one point or another but it's nice to have a "bud" IYKWIM. He had a really good friend at his old day care and I know he misses J. I also know J misses DS, as I've traded emails with J's mom.

Yesterday my sister and I took DS and her DS to the children's museum. It was great fun though I was disappointed that the Clifford exhibit hadn't opened yet. It opens this weekend, when I have to work of course! Oh well, I'm going to try to get DS down there again on my next day off.

The weather has definitely begun to turn here. It's raining right now, and cold. I don't know when it started. I love the sound of rain on the roof and didn't realize how much I missed that sound. Our apartment in AZ was a ground floor one so we never even heard the rain most of the time. Of course, ask me again in mid December how much I love the rain, lol.

To believe or not believe

I'm not feeling any less in the way these days. Unfortunately I haven't really had a chance to talk to them again yet. I'm hoping to find some time in the next day or so.

On the bright side, I've begun working out again. Lets see if I can manage to keep it up better than I've kept up with this blog;-) It actually feels good to get on the treadmill again. If the scale in the downstairs bathroom is to be believed, I've lost 8 lbs since I weighed myself a week or two ago. I don't know that I really believe that, lol.

Unfortunately I don't have anything terribly profound to say tonight. It's late, I'm tired and for some reason my DS has decided to make tonight the third night in a row that he's up late. Sigh!

In The Way

Have you ever felt like you are in the way no matter how hard you try NOT to be? Tonight I got a healthy dose of that feeling. My step mother basically told me that she is feeling crowded and that she and my dad need some space - oh and while you are at it, pony up some cash to help with bills. This last thing was something my dad and I had already discussed and come to an agreement on.

What really gets me is I've tried very hard not to be in the way, not to be intrusive on their privacy, and to be respectful of how she wants her house kept. She's very much a "neat freak" and me, well, I'm not. I have a toddler and have come to accept that there is no avoiding the mess a toddler makes. Since we moved here two months ago I've tried very hard to keep his mess in check, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it. Guess not...

And one of the things she asked me was how long we were planning to be here. Um, well, I thought the invitation to come up and stay was for the time DH is over seas. Apparently she didn't understand this, or I didn't understand it may not have been. I'm not sure which. This just adds to my uncertainty about whether I should have stayed in AZ, moved in with my dad or moved in with my mom. During my sometimes two hour long commute the last couple weeks I've been really questioning this. I spend very little time with DS any more and, to be honest, the pay at the museum is hardly worth what it is costing me in gas. This job really is to gain experience so I can (hopefully) move on/up in a museum when we go back to AZ. I'm definitely not in it for the money.

So I'm thinking I need to re-evaluate my work schedule at the museum. I'm going to ask them if they can schedule the bulk of my hours (preferably 8 at a time) on Tues/Thurs/Sat and then see if I can pick up something part time closer to home. I hate the idea of working two jobs but it may come to that. The alternative is to pack things up and move to my mom's, uproot DS from his new daycare that he is finally adjusting to and try to find a new one closer to work, and really piss DH off. I haven't decided if I'm even going to tell him about any of this. I don't want to worry/upset him.

Peace and Quiet

There are days when I long for peace and quiet. You know those days - the child is clinging to your leg and/or whining, the phone is ringing, you are trying to make breakfast and lunch at the same time, put on your makeup and not lose it because you can't find the child's favorite video and he's dying to watch it right NOW. These kinds of days can try the patience of a saint, which I definitely am not! I think to myself what I really want is to be able to sit in a quiet room and hear myself think.

And then I find myself in that quiet room, DS is tucked in bed and sleeping like the angel he is, my dad and step mother are out for the weekend - it's just me, myself and I. And I'm bored. Seriously! There is nothing good on tv, the book I'm reading is not appealing to me at the moment, and it's too late to call anyone.

When I really examine it, it's not boredom so much as I don't want to have to think. The thoughts in my head are the typical ones - finances, how can I squeeze in a few more hours at work this week......and why the heck am I watching a show about 9/11. Mostly I'm trying not to think about the close call DH had the other day. I'm not doing a very good job of distracting myself.

A Close Call

It's interesting how a person in a Nyquil induced sleep can be shaken awake. I remember the days when I used to be able to take said medicine and be out for hours. Not even an earthquake could wake me.

I have a head cold, and a week of work(because I have no sick time) and dealing with "monkey children" yesterday, forced me to bring out the heavy duty medicine. I only took a half dose so I could still be semi functional if DS needed me in the middle of the night.

But it wasn't DS who woke me, it was a phone call from DH. You know when a conversation starts out "I don't want you to freak out but..." that it's not going to be good news. Luckily for our little family the news wasn't as bad as it could have been - as bad as it has been for so many families. DH is ok, and so are the other soldiers he was with, but it was a close call with an IED. I don't know the particulars, and quite frankly that's ok with me! But I could hear the anxiety and fear in DH's voice so it had to have been a pretty damn close call.

Slacker With a Capital "S"

That's me! I'm ashamed to admit that DH has been gone almost a month and I have yet to even send him a letter. We talk almost every day. I don't have anything else to write!

I do have a care package ready to send out but had a hard time getting the last couple of things. I've got them now and the box will be going out tomorrow.

As for AF, well she's still a no show. I'm pretty sure I'm not pg. DH would have to have super swimmers as our timing couldn't have been worse! My cycle has been as long as 35 days before so I most likely won't test before then. I hate that solitary line staring back up at me from the bathroom counter;-) I'm betting it's just the stress of starting a new job and all.

Vomit, Laundry and Early Morning Insomnia

The worst thing in the world is waking to the sound of your child screaming hysterically. Really, how's a person to ever become comfortable with the idea of their little one sleeping in their own room, even a room just next to yours.

Yet I now find myself wide awake at 2:00 in the morning due to this very reason. And it's my fault. You see, this morning while putting away groceries I realized that there were some grapes sitting in the crisper of the fridge. I thought we didn't have any! So I rinsed them and picked through them and they looked pretty good. My DS decided he wanted to eat some of them so I set him up at the table with some grapes and juice. All seemed well. However when he woke from his nap he was running a little fever. I gave him some tylenol, it worked great and I thought nothing of it. Fast forward to 5 min to 1:00am...

So now we are both sitting here, wide awake. I had to do a load of laundry to wash his sheets, and his beloved Ojo bear. She, unfortunately, took the brunt of the vomit since he has taken to sleeping ON her lately. I need to go check on her and the rest of the sheets. Then maybe we can see about getting back to sleep.

Oh, and being awake at this time of the morning has allowed me to wonder just where the hell is AF?! She's a day late and counting.

Fall

My commute to work usually takes me through one of the valleys in the area. This particular highway is one of the older ones, flowing two lanes in both directions. It's well used!

This week, as I mentioned, I've been going into work earlier than normal. The last couple mornings I've noticed a distinct chill in the morning air.

As I was coming down the hill yesterday morning I noticed that there was fog in the berry fields that line the roadway I was turning onto to get to the highway. It wasn't very thick fog. And as I drove along the highway winding through the semi-rural area that runs for about 10 miles before we get into more densly populated space, I noticed that those fields too had a light layer of fog. The fog stretched it's fingers toward the road, but did not cross over it.

I couldn't help but shiver a little (even though the heater was on in the car) and think Mother Nature is getting in some practice runs. It was beautiful and sad at the same time. Fall is around the corner!

Better

Just to update, DS is fine. This morning you couldn't even tell he'd been stung. By bed time last night the swelling was gone and you had to look very closely to see the sting site. When we talked to DH and told him about the sting, DS showed him his elbow! LOL!

Today was a much better day on a couple other fronts. Along with the bee sting yesterday DS also got "written up" for hitting. We sat on the steps and talked and I reminded him he needed to use his words. This is only something he does when he's really frustrated. I know I sound like the my-child-is-never-wrong parent when I say this but...I wonder what the other kid did to irritate him? About the only thing that will cause DS to hit is if he's "defending" his toy or the other child gets right in his face. DS is very particular about his personal space;-) I know that doesn't make it right, which is why we talked about it when I saw the write up, it just helps me to understand what is behind the behavior.

As for me, this week I'm working with the summer camp kids at work. What a challenge! I'm getting a glimps of what is to come with DS. Most of the kids in our group are really good kids, but of course there is always one or two that spoil it for everyone. Well today, that one kid didn't come back to camp. I do feel sorry for him, as I understand his father isn't terribly engaged in raising him (though he lives at home with the kid). It has to be tough when you have to earn your parent's attention. But it sure did make today go much more smoothly not having to deal with this child!

Another First

OK, my DS is now 2.5 years old so you'd think we were about done with "firsts" but we had another one today. He was stung by a bee. Luckily the worst of the reaction was a slightly swollen finger. Better than the stopped heart I had when they called to tell me about it.

The Sweetest Sound

There is nothing sweeter to me than the sound of my DS's laughter. He's a great fan of physical comedy and will laugh the loudest longest belly laugh.

Jinx

I think I jinxed myself. DS is having a harder time adjusting to his new school than I thought. The last two mornings have been crying fits and a little boy clinging to my neck for dear life as I try to leave the room. It just rips my heart out!

There is nothing wrong at the school. His teachers tell me he settles down just fine after I leave. He's well fed, changed, and kept as clean as a 2.5 yo boy can be while he's there. It's just the adjustment period to a new environment and schedule. You see, when we moved DS had been going to his school since he was 7 weeks old. It was all he'd known. I hate that he has to go through this!

My job is going well so far. Of course it's just the first week, but I think that things will be just fine on that front. I've learned more about airplanes and aviation than I EVER thought I would. And the funny thing is - it is interesting!

New Job, New School

So today was my first day at the museum. It went really well. I'm exhausted! My feet hurt because I was on them all day. They haven't hurt like this since I worked at the airline many moons ago. Note to self: don't wear new shoes on your first day at work when you have to be walking around and standing on concrete in 85 degree heat with little shade.

This job could be fun! I will most likely get to dust off my acting/theatre skills and participate in the living history program. Time to read up on the early part of the 1900's!

DS also had his first day at his new day care today. It seems like he enjoyed himself. He didn't cry when I dropped him off today. We'll see how it goes tomorrow morning. He was one tired little boy tonight! He went right to bed without a fuss (finally!).

We also got to see DH tonight using our web cams. Unfortunately his connection in his room isn't the greatest so he's still going to have to use the "cyber cafe" on the base. It was worth a try! I'm not going to complain because we still get to see him and talk to him.

So life is finally starting to settle in here.

A Piece of Cake

Lately my DS has been asking for birthday cake - it's what he calls all cake. It started about 2 or 3 weeks ago. I have no idea why.

So the other day I was in the grocery store and saw this cake. I bought it and brought it home so we could share it with my dad and step mother. We cut into it on the 10th, and we wished Ryan a very happy birthday while we were doing it.

Remembering an Angel

Tonight's post is a tribute to Ryan David. Most everyone who reads this blog knows who he is, but for those who have stumbled across this blog and don't:

Ryan was born one year ago - August 9th, 2005. He was so loved by his mommy and daddy, but his time on earth was short. He passed away just two days later.

Ryan and his parents have come to hold a special place in my heart. Sher and Mike have been so open with those of us on the boards, sharing their joy in his impending birth and the horrible sadness at his passing. I appreciate their candor because it is a daily reminder to me to be grateful for the blessing of my little boy.

The other thing they have done is give me a little perspective on a family tragedy. Approximately 22 years ago (can it really be that long ago) my cousin Caitlin was born. She too had a congenital heart defect. Caity was not expected to survive more than a couple of days but she did. She fought long and hard for the 8 years she spent with us. I spent a few hours with her at the end but I never truly understood the pain my aunt and uncle must have been going through. Through Sherry I have come to have a better understanding, and respect, for my aunt and uncle and what they have had to overcome.

To Sherry and Mike, know I am thinking of you today and always. I send you all the strength and love I can.

To Ryan, the sweet little angel who I know is celebrating his birthday with his loved ones on the other side - including his buddy Thomas, Happy Birthday little man! You will never be forgotten.

Late Night Randomness

I finally heard from DH this afternoon. He made it overseas and was getting settled in. I'm glad his flight was uneventful. For some reason I was really nervous about it.

One of the great things about being home is that I have "workout buddies" again. My sisters are both trying to lose weight also and we've taken a pact to get together at least once a week and ride our bikes. We went for a nice long ride earlier in the evening. It was great! And the nice thing is my DS did really well for most of the ride. Last time he fussed with his helmet, didn't want to be in the trailer, and was generally a crank pot. Tonight I couldn't get his helmet on him fast enough, he was anxious to get in the trailer and held out until about 5 min from the cars before he got cranky. I'm hoping our ride next week will be the same, or even better.

The one thing my dad and step mother have in their house that I refused to have in mine is a scale. I stepped on it the first week we were here and was pleasently surprised that I hadn't gained any more weight since my last doctor's appt many months ago. I think I now know what my max body weight is! When I got on the scale today it says I've lost about 3 lbs. I'll take it - at least for now. I'd like to lose about 20 times that if I can. I'll take 10 times that by this time next year, just in time for my 20th high school reunion. OMW, can it really be 20 years already?!

Nerves

I got good news this morning as I was engaging in some retail therapy. I got the job I applied for! I'm excited and a little nervous, as expected. Though the nerves are as much for my DS as they are for me. I now need to put him back into daycare at least part time.

I know he will love it. I'm sure he misses the interaction with other kids and the structure of routine. I'm just nervous about finding a place that's as good as the one he was in in Arizona. I actually have a lead on a couple places. I need to go check them out ASAP. I'll be making calls tomorrow to set up appointments.

As for the job, I have no idea what my hours will be like and I admit I'm a bit nervous about the fact I'll be working mostly with school age children. But it will be a welcome change from working with adults who act like school age children!

The Time Is Here

DH will soon be on his way over seas. The doctor cleared him yesterday - his knee is healed and he's ok to go. This is a relief, and yet not.

I think the reality of this is finally hitting DH. With all that is going on in the world he's finally getting nervous about going. I've been anxious about this for a while now. It turns my stomach in knots to even think about what could happen. So, in true Scarlett O'Hara fashion, I don't really think about it.

I know sometimes it's hard for people to understand why we decided DH should volunteer for this mission. Sometimes I don't understand it myself. There is the practical side of it (the money will put us into a house at the end of all this). But there is something more. A determination to help prevent further attacks on the US...maybe. A hope that we are keeping our son, and any other future children we may have, safe... definitely.

Some would argue that this action/war in Iraq is not justified. Being the "bleeding heart liberal" my father thinks I am, I would have to say I agree. I'm not blind to the fact that our country was lied to. But some how, some way, I can understand my DH's need to do this mission.

Maybe it's my upbringing that allows me to get past the distrust I have for the "brass" and the decisions they are making. My dad was career Navy. He went in during the Vietnam war and spent 20 years of his life serving. He doesn't talk about that time very much, like so many men and women who served. My mother was also in the Navy. Before her was my grandfather in WWII. I know, if he were still alive, he would also understand DH's need to do his duty. He felt that need too. He never really talked about what he did during WWII, only that his ship ran missions across the Atlantic Ocean. My grandfather was a humble man - those missions we later found out were very dangerous, running supplies and escorting other ships. This is just the surface of my family's history of service in the military. As you can tell I'm very proud of all the members of my family who have served and sacrificed for our country. I can honestly say, if my own son comes to me in 17 years and says "Mom, I want to join the military." I would be proud of him. That doesn't mean I won't cry and I won't be afraid for him, but I would support him in his decision. And I'd send my dad (a former recruiter) with him to the recruiter's office! LOL!

I worry about what this mission could do to DH mentally and emotionally. He's a big guy, but he's very sensative. Especially when it comes to children. Don't get me wrong, he's no pushover. Working in corrections as long as he has will take the polish off anyone's ideals! I just hope this mission won't be too hard on him.

Regardless of which way you fall on this issue, please say a prayer for all the soldiers, sailors and airmen who are far from home. They are doing their job, protecting us, and they do their job very well.

Stop Asking Why Already

Why is it that people who shouldn't have babies are able to get one so easily?

This, my friends, is the $64,000 question of the day.

I just got back from taking DH to the airport. On the way there he called a friend of his from home. Now this guy is a nice guy, don't get me wrong. He has two kids from his first marriage. When his marriage went down the drain he hooked up with someone from his work. I think she also has a couple of kids from a previous marriage. In addition to this, J has a granddaughter who is about my son's age (maybe a little older) that he is supporting.

Now, the divorce between J and his first wife was less than pleasent (as if these things could ever be pleasent). He's not married to the gal from work - yet. I know this in and of itself is not reason to think they would be bad parents.

Back in April DH, DS and I had gone to visit the IL and DH's friends, including J. At one point the subject of babies came up and J mentioned that he and his girlfriend decided to NTNP. I immediately thought "Why?!" but managed NOT to say it out loud. At that point DH and I had been TTC actively for 9 or 10 cycles with no success.

Fast forward back to tonight, DH called J to see how things were going and found out that J and his girlfriend are in fact PG - approx 3.5 mos pregnant. By my calculations they got pg about the time we saw them last!

Call me shallow, call me a bitch, whatever. I just could not bring myself to congratulate them tonight. It's not fair that they were able to so quickly achieve what I, and a number of you, are unable to. I try not to judge people by their situations but for crying out loud. This is not the healthiest of relationships.

Sigh! I guess I'm just bitter that we've had to put so much on hold this year. Or maybe it's just the fact that AF decided to rear her ugly head today, three days early. Whatever it is I hope my mood lifts in the morning. It's been a long day.

My Own Little World

Why does the world have to push its way into my little reality? I finally manage to convince myself that things will be ok with DH going overseas and things start to heat up over there again. And to have it intrude in my own city...

I wish I could block out the bad things that are happening. It makes me sick to think that I can't even make life plans beyond the next 6 mos. And that is pushing it. The uncertainty is crushing at times.

Aren't you so glad I'm back with my oh-so-cheery blog entries;-)

As my son would say "Thank you so much Mom-mom!"

Things in Threes

OK, so I'm a total blogging slacker. LOL! So much for posting daily. It was a noble goal...

You know how they say "bad" things happen in threes? Well, we've reached that quota with DH. First was the wallet, then the broken hand. Then, two days before he was scheduled to leave overseas DH fell and split his knee open!

He's got 12 stitches in his knee. The doctors won't release him to go until the wound is completely healed. Apparently the sand over there is really fine and gets into everything no matter how well protected it is. Add to that some nasty bacteria and such and the conditions are not good for someone with a gash from one side of his knee to the other.

On the bright side, he's home on convalescent leave until this coming Sunday. It's been great having him around even though he's not as helpful as he could be if his hand weren't in a brace.
We've been taking advantage of him being home, and me not working yet, and doing a ton of family stuff. The zoo, the water and amusement park, all kinds of fun stuff. My son is really enjoying having daddy home.

OK, I'd better get going. I've got some grocery shopping to do. We start seriously working on potty training next week once our schedule gets back to normal. I'm the potty training woosy of all time. LOL! Now I have no more excuses, it has to get done.

Settling In

Sorry it's been almost two weeks since I checked in. We did in fact make it to Seattle. DS handled the trip like a champ! Of course we all now know the dialogue and lyrics in the movie Chicken Little by heart, lol.

The first week here we did as much as we could as a family before DH had to report back to the base. It was great. I'll have to load up some pics to share with you all.

This week has been a vain attempt at unpacking and organizing all the stuff we brought with us. I fear that some things got left in storage in Arizona. The most important bits - the screws and stuff from DS's bed - I did manage to find. We need them to set up the bunk for my cousins to use next month when they visit. I also got the final application materials taken over to the museum I applied at.

Oh, and an update on the continuing saga of the missing wallet...DH found out on Tuesday this week that he did break his hand. Funny how that will happen when your fist meets the wall at a high rate of speed and velocity! I don't think it would have been so bad if he hadn't insisted on moving alot of the heavy stuff by himself. Luckily it's not so bad and the doctors cleared him to return to duty.

I know I've been a bad board member lately, being MIA and all. I apologize to everyone. This full time Mommy gig is fun but hard. I knew it would be challenging, thanks to the insite from the SAHM on the board.

Speaking of, I'd better head for bed now. DS will be up before I know it. Sleep tight!

Notes from the Road

I'm checking in from the road. We stopped for the night in Redding, CA last night. For those of you unfamiliar with the most direct route from Phoenix to Seattle, we are in No. CA just a couple hours north of Sacramento. It's so beautiful up here. We are getting ready to head into my favorite part of the drive.

My son has done really well on this drive so far (knock on wood). The dvd player in the van really helps. He hasn't caught on to what is going on yet I don't think. The next day or two should be interesting.

I'm exhausted. We didn't get done cleaning the apartment until noon on Saturday. Ugh! I never realized we had so much shit!! A 1000 sq ft apt holds alot of stuff! LOL! Luckily the complex was nice about giving us the extra time.

Well, the troops are beginning to move around so I'd better get ready to hit the road. "See" you all in Seattle.

Update on Thing #1

Well, the good news is, the wallet was where we thought. The "pickup" found it in her back seat and is sending it to Seattle. It will be there when we get there. Whew! That's a relief.

As for his flight, well DH managed to get on his airplane and is headed home even as we speak. Apparently it IS possible to board an aircraft without picture id. I just don't want to know the details of the search he must have endured to get throught security;-)

So here I'll plug Continental Airlines, and say well done to their customer service dept. They've made a stressful situation less so!

Thing #1

So the first big "thing that could go wrong" has happened with this move.

Imagine this.... you are quietly sleeping after a day of rigorous packing when you are suddenly awakened by a phone call at 1:45 am. On the other end of the phone is a man. A man who has lost his WALLET!

You have now entered the twilight zone..........

Yup! You heard me right. DH lost his wallet. Apparently he left it in the car of the person one of his friends picked up at the restaurant last night.

No driver's license, no military id, no credit cards or debit card and a 9 am flight do NOT mix.

So, after calling me in a panic this morning DH is now re-cleaning his room (which was torn apart in the search for said wallet) and I am here chatting with you because I can't get back to sleep.

After calling the airline to try to reschedule his flight and discovering he may still be able to get on the plane if he has his orders, gives them his right arm and left testicle, DH embarked on a frantic search for a ride to the airport. You see the military, in it's infinite wisdom, decided that the last bus to the airport should leave at 3 am - just about the time DH was calling me for the first time. Luckily for us, and unluckily for the poor schlub up at 3 am their time, he managed to wrangle a ride to the airport that is not a$100 cab fare.

So now I get to wait and see if they really will let him on the plane or if he's going to have to find a ride back to base so he can get his ID re-issued. This doesn't even address the issue of the fact that all the flights out of Gulfport (and surrounding areas) are full!

Stay tuned! I'm sure it's going to get more interesting.

Second Guessing

This whole move has been a tremendous source of guilt for me. I find myself wondering if we are doing the right thing, at least as far as my son is concerned.

I hate what it is doing to him emotionally. He's really showing signs of being stressed about this whole thing and I feel like I'm not doing enough to help him through it.

This morning he insisted on taking Ojo (his bear) with us to school. He NEVER takes her out of the house except when we are going on a trip. And even then he only wants to hold her on the airplane.

And then I think about how much he's going to miss his friends and teachers at school. It literally brings me to tears.

I talk to him about the fact we will be leaving and going to stay with Grandpa and Grandma. How he'll get to see his cousin and aunts and uncle. But I know he doesn't fully understand and I worry how he's going to adjust to a new house and new school. I've tried to come up with creative ways to help him adjust but somehow they don't feel like they are enough.

Perhaps I'm over thinking this, but it didn't feel like it this morning when my son begged to take his Ojo with us to the car.

Am I really making progress?

I wish I could keep up my postings the way I'd intended. It's just I don't feel I have much to say these days, that's new and interesting at least.

My son and I had a good visit with one of my sisters. She came to help me get some stuff moved that I couldn't do by myself. It was a busy morning on Saturday but we managed to get everything accomplished. I even got most of my shredding taken care of yesterday! Woohoo!

The only thing is, as I look around the apartment I feel like I've still got a long way to go. I'm going to make a run this afternoon at lunch to pick up yet more boxes and drop off two suitcases full of clothes at the consignment shop. Today starts the chores of packing up my son's room and my room. I need to see more boxes filled so I feel like I'm accomplishing something besides making myself crazy. We won't even go to the topic of what my kitchen looks like!

Yet again I can see that this packing situation is getting to my son. He now feels the need to carry a huge armload of his favorite cars with us everywhere we go. It's mildly irritating to me because he has little arms and it really is a huge load of cars. But I know that he's feeling unsettled and the cars help him feel more secure so I try not to let it get to me when I have to dig for his harness buckles every time I go to buckle him in the car seat.

My sister did make an interesting suggestion yesterday. She asked if I was going to hire a maid service to clean my apt for me. I hadn't thought about it until she mentioned it. I might look into it and see what it would cost. It might be easier than trying to do it all myself on Friday!

Oh, and I splurged a little at the swap meet this weekend. My son and I went yesterday after dropping my sister off at the airport. There is this toy my DH and I keep saying we are going to buy for our son. It's a track that you can lay out in various ways and the cars that are on it go by themselves. I made the mistake of letting my son watch it for a while yesterday and he pitched a fit about having to leave "my cars, my cars". It was only $10, about half the cost at the mall, so I bought it and we will open it when we get to my dad's house. Yet another form of bribery...

Catching Up

The hell that was the software demos is now over, thank goodness.

Now all that's left for me to do is to train my replacement, finish packing, move the rest of the furniture into storage, keep my son from freaking out, give the apt a thorough once over with the cleaning products I've been dutifully stockpiling over the last few weeks, and somewhere in the midst of all this I need to sleep.

Sleep has been a luxury lately it seems. No, I'm not staying up all hours packing. I can't get anything else packed until I get the kitchen table moved out. I'm just not sleeping well. I'm sure it's the stress, but it sucks all the same.

And with the stress comes the inevitable cold. That's what my body does when I get too stressed out. I would really rather skip that part if you don't mind, for a couple of reasons. 1) It will make the drive that much less bareable and 2) it could potentially delay my cycle. I've got a very narrow window of opportunity with DH coming home next week. I really need for AF to show! And of course we all know what stress does to the body to begin with. Sigh!

I'm in a no win situation here, aren't I.

Oh, and if your local news hasn't been covering it, the high country in AZ is still on fire. I feel so bad for the people living in the Sedona area. It's one of my favorite places to visit.

I've also realized that I need to not watch CNN right now. I just can't imagine what the families of the two soliders who were killed yesterday are going through. I really don't want to imagine it. It's hard enough when any soldier is killed or wounded but for them to have suffered like they did... It just makes my blood run cold, and my heart ache for their mothers.

Am I Old Fashioned?

I can't believe it's been almost 2 weeks since I regaled you all with my oh so witty ramblings. RL has definitely moved into high gear both at work and at home. I haven't forgotten about this blog, so never fear.

My biggest observation over the last 10 days or so is that I must be more old fashioned than I thought. I didn't realize that it's ok to be a complete and total ass to your co-workers in a meeting - speaking to them in the rudest manner possible, talking about totally unrelated things to someone and not even trying to conceal the fact that I'm not talking about the meeting topic, and doing paperwork instead of paying attention and then completely bringing said meeting to a grinding halt when I ask about something the presenter just covered (and so much more) are apparently all ok!

Or maybe I just have my standards set too high... Whatever the case this is the kind of behavior I've had to witness first hand since late last week. It makes all day meetings go that much slower, that's for sure.

On the home front, two more weeks and counting. My packing is going slowly but I am getting alot of the clutter cleared out. I've got a mountain of shredding to do. I just hope my little shredder doesn't die on me before I'm done!

Hot...Hot...Hot

That's become my theme song, not because I'm what you would consider "hot" or "a hottie", but because it's like a flocking oven!

OK, so you are thinking "Um, you live in Arizona! Hello! Desert = HOT!" And sure, I suppose I deserve the sarcasm. But it's not going to keep me from complaining about the 110 degree heat today. It's not supposed to be this hot so early in the summer. All I can say is chalk up one more reason for being glad I am moving! I love Arizona, I really do, just not between the months of June and October.

And while I'm complaining about the summer, I might add a complaint about the idots who started the 5 or 6 wildfires now burning the northern part of Arizona. What part of RED FLAG WARNING do you not understand?! There has been no snow or rain in the upper 2/3 of the state at all this winter. Does that not say to you you might want to be a little careful when you are shooting target practice (as in NOT shooting target practice) or camping or having a cookout or smoking outside?! I mean come on people! A little common sense if you please.

It's going to be a loooooonnnnnnggggg summer.

Hormones from Hell

I'm beginning to dread the days leading up to AF. I swear to God, if I didn't know better I would really think I was pregnant. The last three or four days have been nothing but emotional ups and downs that rival the best of a pregnancy induced tantrum.

The whole trip to the zoo was one thing but I've done nothing but sob since yesterday afternoon. I'm holding it together at work only because work provides a perfect opportunity to divert my attention for an hour here and there.

Stress, maybe (ok most likely), the downside of the insanity that was my life the previous 6 weeks, ok I'll by that, but mix in those wonderful (?!) PMSing hormones and look out world. The train wreck is a-comin'. Seriously, can you see that pinpoint of light barreling down at you from the horizon? That is a real live breakdown threatening to happen on your computer screen;-) Can't say I didn't warn you... breathe in... breathe out... breathe in... breathe out....

And why the hell isn't spell check working any more?!

The Zoo

The best part of a three day weekend is getting to spend some extra time with my son. I just love when we get that extra 24 hrs to do something fun together. This past Memorial Day weekend was especially nice considering how crazy weekends have been lately.

Sunday I dedicated to nothing but fun - no packing, no cleaning, no errands, just fun. So we packed ourselves up, slathered on the sun screen and headed for the zoo. It's a modest little zoo we have in Phoenix, dedicated to preservation and desert environment species mostly. No hippos, no polar bears, no penguins but fun just the same.

My son has reached the stage where he does not want to be riding in his stroller most of the time. I still bring it, especially to the zoo, because there are some hills and his little legs usually get tired about half way through. The stroller is definitely easier than carrying him, especially in 100+ degree heat!

So, we arrive and say hello to the turtles and fishies at the entrance and make our way in. First stop - the carousel. Who knew that a 2.5 year old would walk all the way around a carousel and pick the dolphin to ride on. Never mind the fact he was one of about 3 kids on the ride and could have picked just about any animal he wanted! LOL! It had to be the dolphin.

It was a wonderful day. We got to see one of the new cheetahs and (finally) the baby oranguatan! She's about 4 mos old now and so cute. And my son had a blast playing in the water fountain to take the edge off what was shaping up to be a really warm day. It took him a few minutes to get used to the water spraying up from the floor but once he did he really had a great time running from one part of the fountain to another.

The only thing that bothered me during our 2 hours at the zoo was all the pregnant bellies. Really! That's it. I mean just because every time I turned around there was another one walking by... It was like I had PGPS (Pregnancy GPS) or something! About half way through our walk I realized how much I was bothered by them. I really thought I was ok with the possibility of never being pregnant again. Guess I was wrong. I don't think I'll ever be ok with it.

A Surprise

So I was just searching for something in my "book bag" and I came across a little white box with a white ribbon on it. Treasure! It was the table favor from my cousin's wedding last weekend. I'd completely forgotten it was there! Inside the pretty little box were two Godiva hearts - one milk chocolate, one dark chocolate. Aaahhhhhh! Just what a PMSing woman needs to tide her over until lunch time:-)

Perchance to Dream

I must not be handling the stress of moving as well as I think I am.

Last night I had a dream that I was riding in a van (mini-van) with my parents, who aren't married to each other any more, my sister, BIL and their son, my son and my youngest sister. We were driving down the freeway, the sky was black and in the distance I could see a couple of tornados. At first I couldn't tell if they were actually on the ground but then my dad (who was driving) started to speed up. We were trying to make it to a hotel where we would find safety. I kept thinking just get inside to a hallway, no windows or doors. We finally pulled into (what in my mind was) a Holiday Inn. Specifically the one that is in the town I grew up in. Of course it didn't look like a Holiday Inn, more like an older roadside motel, but we had to get out of the car as the tornados were closing in on us. I distinctly remember hearing my dad say "Leave the bags in the trunk. I'll get them later". Of course me, being the pragmatist I am, had to get the diaper bag out with us, just in case. No one else was around and all the windows were open in the rooms. I woke up before we actually found a safe place, and before the tornados caught up with us.

So, being curious I did some quick searches online this morning about dreams. This is what I found on tornados. Of course I visited several sites and they all said basically the same thing. I'm no expert on dream interpretation and I'm not angry or being overly agressive about things but, given the state of my life the last couple of months, I would hazzard a guess that the tornados actually represent the stress I'm begining to feel.

Let's just hope I can continue to outrun any other tornados I see coming my way!

Lunch

Today I had lunch with a group of clients, who I consider to be friends really. It was so much fun to be out of the office, away from my desk and pretty much stress free. We met up with their former boss, who is a great person. I love spending time with her. She has alot (I mean alot) of energy.

It's amazing how something as simple as lunch out of the office can really energize you, and make the day go by faster. I think I need to eat lunch away from my desk more often.

The other thing that came of this fun lunch was a realization that I'm better "connected" than I thought I was. I've been racking my brain about who I could get to write me a letter of recommendation for grad school. As we were talking, and they were quizzing me about the move, what I was going to do for the year we are in Seattle, etc., the former client/co-worker suggested a couple of names I could ask that would look GREAT as recs. Duh!! I didn't even think about them.

Sometimes it just takes a fresh pair of ears to help bring a problem into focus.

Bittersweet

This past weekend was bittersweet for my family. My son and I drove over to So. CA (along with my sister and her son) for a wedding. My cousin got married to a really nice girl. Our family - the extended family - LOVES weddings, it's one of the few times we are all in the same room at the same time. We get to catch up on what has been going on in each other's lives, eat yummy food, drink and dance to our hearts content. It's always lots and lots of fun.

So, with the boys being the troopers that they are, we set off dark and early Friday morning anticipating an uneventful drive over, which it was. We made really great time and ended up stopping at this little outlet mall place in Cabazon. We always say "We should stop there some time" but never do. The shops were closed but it was still nice to be able to stretch our legs a bit. Besides, we were very early for checking into our hotel.

Once we checked in we got in touch with a couple of family members. At the last minute my aunt, the mother of the groom, offered us to join them for rehersal dinner. We declined due to lack of appropriate dress. We didn't want to be the bumpkiss relatives showing up in shorts and t-shirts, lol. Turns out it was a good thing. The bride realized she'd forgotten "something blue". My sister and I took on the challenge of finding something less than 24 hrs before the wedding - at 6:00 pm.

Saturday morning dawned and we rangled our dad and step mother into joining us on one last ditch effort to find the blue thing. Success! As we were wrapping up our shopping trip I got a call from my grandmother on my cell phone. From that moment on the joy of the day was shattered by the news that one of her sisters, Aunt Jenny, passed away early on Saturday morning. I couldn't, and still can't, believe it! How? Why? We still don't know all the answers. All we know is she fell. Her son was there and couldn't catch her, and of course blames himself. No one else does. After all, would it really have made a difference if the cause was a stroke or something like that? No, I don't think so and I hope that he is able to find some peace once some time has passed.

So we hurried back to Grandma's house. We told my son, who was actually enjoying shopping for a change, that we had to go see Great-Grandma, that she was sad and needed hugs. The rest of the morning was spent remenissing about Aunt Jenny, and keeping my Grandmother occupied with other things.

The wedding was beautiful! The bride was radiant, the groom was handsome, the church smelled so wonderful with all the flowers. I think we managed to pull together as a family and make it a happy day for my cousin and his wife. It feels odd to say that...my cousin and his wife...I remember spending summers at my grandparents and playing in the back yard, my cousin irritating my sister because he used to follow her everywhere, lol. Soon enough it will be our kids playing together, irritating each other...

Welcome to My World!

I think my DH may finally be feeling the stress. I talked with him briefly this morning (as every morning) and could hear the stress in his voice.

He will be getting leave time before he heads overseas - about 8 days. As he was happily telling me all about it on Tuesday I reminded him that his leave starts the day before I was planning to hit the road, 2 yo and trailer in tow, for the big move to my dad's. I do believe I managed to crush his plans for a stress free leave;-)

Now he will get to come home to Arizona, help me finish packing stuff up in the trailer and then hit the road bright and early the next morning. I thought briefly about just flying him into Seattle and meeting him there a couple days later but that stressed me out, lol. I don't relish the idea of pushing through a 1300 mile drive in 2 days (which can be done by the way) with a two year old and a trailer. NOT going to happen.

So, as we tried to discuss plans last night DH got overwhelmed by the options and got mad at me. See, this is what happens when you leave the planning to an anal-retentive like myself! As soon as he called this morning I told him he was coming here first and we would drive up together. He is fine with this, his only request being that my dad still come down to help. Fair enough and luckily my dad is easily bribed by Mariner's tickets.

DH was still stressed when I hung up with him. I asked him what was wrong and he actually told me this! He wonders how we are going to get everything done in time. My answer...it will get done one thing at a time, just like I've been doing it for the last 5 or 6 weeks. Don't think any further ahead than we have to and we'll make it. Of course airplane ticket prices wait for no man, so I have to do that soon. But that's the easy part.

Perspective

I'm struck today by the diffence in the way we see ourselves and the way other people see us.

Today I was interviewed (for lack of a better term) by a consultant. His firm was hired by one of our clients, who my department is being absorbed by, to find out what exactly each person in my department does, what are our biggest challenges, the things we like/dislike about our jobs, etc. Yet another reason I'm so very glad I've only got 5 weeks left in this job!

Anyway, as I'm talking to this consultant I realize that the perspective from which we are viewed by our clients is not at ALL what I expected. They really don't have a clue what we do or what the organizational structure is and how we fit into their organization.

I always thought it was pretty clear but hey, what do I know right?

So, as I sit back at my desk and perform my daily check on the blogs I "stalk" I come across a post from CK musing on a similar line of thinking. Of course her discussion is much more personal in nature but again I find myself amazed at the concept of perspective. We think we know how others perceive us, that who we are and what we do is obvious.

In reality it's not so obvious because the interactions we have with individuals are just that - individual. I may think every other client I work with knows what my department does but that's not true...that client only knows how they interact with us. Just like the personal interactions we have with people. Not everyone sees me the way I see me, and this is probably a good thing. LOL!

Catching My Second Wind

I can't believe it's been a week since my last post. It feels like it's been a month!

Graduation was alot more fun than I anticipated. The all university commencement was last Thursday. I think we may have set the world record for the shortest commencement EVER. 1 hour and 30 minutes exactly. For a university graduating 7000+ seniors, masters and doctoral candidates on 3 campuses and two continents, that's pretty darn good!

My son and I tolerated the onslaught of family pretty well too. He only had one real meltdown - Sunday morning. Happy Mother's Day to me, lol. He survived rooming with me, relatives he hasn't seen in months, a baby in the house taking all of the attention that is usually his, a serious break in routine, commencement and convocation and travelling to 4 states in 5 weeks. Not to mention my DH leaving. My son is a trooper, that's for sure.

I haven't had alot of time to think about anything else, which is probably a good thing. I'm just now starting to look at getting boxes to start packing, getting a trailer hitch for the van, renting a trailer, and when should my last day in the office be. I also need to give official notice to my son's day care.

The fun part is, my calendar at work is pretty much booked between now and the end of June. I'm never booked more than 2 weeks in advance at any point during the year. How ironic.

Last night, after I'd rocked my son to sleep and put him in his bed, I sat down in the living room and realized, I don't have any homework to do! After 19 years of reading and researching, I can actually think about picking up a book to read for FUN! What a novel concept (no pun intended). The first thing on my reading list - a book recommended by an anthro professor several years ago. I bought it a couple summers ago and never got around to reading it. I may have to dig it out of the pile of crap on my kitchen table and see if it's as good as he said it was.

Resolutions

Wow! Was I whiney or what last week? Hormones are such a wonderful thing (NOT!). The overwhelming feelings of sadness, anger and yes, even relief have now subsided a bit and I'm a little clearer in my thinking.

DH took the news of me not being pregnant pretty well. He was actually relieved in a way, which kind of threw me off at first. He said he was "kinda glad" simply because he wouldn't have to worry about how the pregnancy was going while he was half a world away. This I can understand.

And quite honestly, with everything else going on I guess I am a little relieved not to be pregnant too. I was miserable most of the first trimester with my son. I can't imagine trying to move across the country while battling morning sickness AND 100+ degree temperatures at the end of June.

That still doesn't erase the ache every time I see a pregnant woman, knowing that it will be another year before I can even think about trying to conceive again. But dwelling on what I don't have, instead of the incredible blessing that is my son, is not going to get it for me any faster.

So instead I will cherish all the fun things my son and I will be able to do this coming year. I will take lots and lots of pictures for my DH and I will work on losing the weight I desparately need to lose. Being healthier can only help at this point. Starting in June I will be walking more and eating less chocolate/sweets/fat. Yes, chocolate is its own category with me. LOL! The nice thing is, when I move home my sister will be there and we can encourage each other in our weight loss efforts.

It feels a little weird to be making "resolutions" in mid year but for me the new year is starting July 1.

Now, if I can just pass my final exam tomorrow...

Time's Up!

Today is the day I face the fact that my son may very well be an only child. It's an idea that makes me so very very sad. He has such a good soul (despite driving me batty every now and then) and would make such a good big brother. Every baby we meet loves him and he is so good with them. This was brought home to me the other night when we were visiting with some friends who have a 7.5 month old. My son was curious about him yet treated him gently and this baby just followed him everywhere.

And now it really looks like he will never get the chance to be a big brother. I'm not pregnant this cycle - again. Damn it! I hate that I waited so long to start having kids, and that we hesitated on getting pregnant again sooner. I feel like I've let him down somehow. I know he'll never know the difference but I know. I'm 37 years old, and by the time my DH gets home I'll be almost 39. I've set the "magic cutoff" as 40. I just can't run that risk - we're playing with borrowed time as it is. 9 cycles of trying to get pregnant. 9 cycles of temperatures and CM and analysing every twing and pang. 9 cycles of nothing. I still need to find a way to tell DH, though by now he's sure to have found the negative HPT in the bathroom trash can.

So this afternoon, in just a couple hours, we get on an airplane and head for Las Vegas where we get to spend the last couple of days with my DH before he goes for training. It will be two long months before we see him again. We will have moved out of our apartment and to another state. We will be living in someone else's home. And as quick as he's home he's gone again, to the Middle East and all the uncertainty that goes with it.

This just plain sucks. There's nothing like having your biological stopwatch hanging right in front of your face like this. And now I have to pull myself together enough to sit in a training session for the next two hours.

It sucks to be me again today. Wanna trade?

A Better Day

I'm feeling a little less stressed today.

My presentation went well.

I have managed to cram 3 days worth of training session into 2.5 so tomorrow afternoon won't be hectic as I anticipated.

I've finally got a meeting set up with the woman I need to interview for my paper.

The storage unit is taken care of - and almost full thanks to DH and his big strong muscles moving stuff today.

And I did manage to get my new trial pair of contacts, which are working better but still not perfect. I think this is as good as it gets with them though. We'll see the week after next.

So tonight I get to go home, snuggle with my son and DH and relax a bit. This will be the first time in over two weeks I haven't had to do homework or be somewhere after work.

It doesn't suck to be me as much as it did two days ago...

Stressed? Who Me?

Last night was NOT one of my more stellar moments. I'm feeling very overwhelmed and ended up in tears, yelling at DH for something very rediculous.

It started after leaving work. We stopped by the storage unit office to see if we can get a larger unit this week. They can do it but I, and only I, have to transfer the contract and we only have 2 days to move the stuff out of the old unit and into the new one.

OK, fine! Except that I have class every day this week, I have to work - including finish teaching the training session I started yesterday, I have a presentation due tomorrow that I haven't even STARTED yet, my paper for said presentation is due on Weds next week, I still have to meet with a very nice lady whom I am going to use as a resource for said paper, we (DH and I) still need to meet with the lawyer to draw up a will, and all this needs to be done before we leave for Las Vegas next Tuesday! Because yes, that is where DH is leaving from for training.

Can we please try to cram one more bloody thing in? I'm exhausted from the very short and intense trip to NM, which in hind sight I probably shouldn't have gone on, and I'm sick.

Enter Sears, who for some fucking reason can't seem to understand the concept of I have to work during business hours and can't drop everything just to run over there and sit in the dr.'s chair for 10 sec. Honestly! I'm so tired of dealing with them...yes, this goes back to a month ago when I went to have my eyes examined and get new contacts. They still aren't right and are driving me crazy.

Someone please stop the world, I want to get off now!

Getting my Irish up

I don't know why I let it happen. We were having such a wonderful day on Saturday. DH, our son and I had gone to New Mexico to visit my IL. We had a great day, despite my son being 2 and refusing to eat dinner.

We've taken the stance that he eats what he's served or he doesn't eat. I know it sounds harsh but I don't like being a short order cook. And I've discovered that 9 times out of 10 he'll actually EAT if I don't bug him or offer something else.

So my MIL, bless her heart, starts in on "Can't he have just a little cake?" and "It won't hurt him to have a small piece".

OK, so I was going to cave and let him....until she started in. DH stepped in, bless his heart, and made a PB&J sandwhich, which he ate before allowing him some cake. And so it begins.....

Home Stretch

I'm in the home stretch toward graduation. Just about a week and a half left before finals. I've completed two of my three big projects and will be hitting my last paper and presentation hard this weekend. We will be at the IL so hopefully I'll be able to get some "me time" by DH taking our son out to play with the animals. The weather is supposed to be very nice so they can play outside alot, as long as the dogs leave them alone.

Now if I can just hold off this cold I feel coming on. Gotta love my son's ability to share his cold but not his Nemo fruit snacks!

Life is Good

At least for now. I don't know how long this feeling will last, especially with AF quickly creeping into range and PMS sure to set in any day, but for now I'll enjoy it.

Part of my joy is most likely due to the fact DH is coming home tomorrow. Of course what waits for us at the end of the next two weeks is something I don't even want to think about, so being the good Scarlett O'Hara that I am, I won't!

Perfect

So the visit to the dentist was a success. My son did wonderfully considering it was the first time he'd been to that office and also the first time someone other than me insisted on seeing his "teef". It looks like we might be in for braces down the road but that I expected. After all DH and I both had them. But the dentist said his teeth look perfect - good brushing, no cavities. And we don't have to come back for a year.

We flew out to CA to visit family for Easter weekend. One last visit before DH leaves. It was a perfect weekend. I got to spend time with my grand mother, who is in her 80's and expecting to die at any time (her thinking, not mine lol). It was nice to spend most of Friday together, it's something we haven't done in a long time. Saturday was less than perfect weather but a wonderful day for us as a family. We took in a movie, walked around a cute little "mall" and just spent time together. I wish all days could be like that. Soon enough...

Sunday was nice - but far from perfect. It would have been perfect if I could have sat at mass knowing that it wasn't a sad day for two of my virtual friends. I have my own struggles with God, that I won't go into, but I tried to get past that (and hope He is past it) enough to ask for two small miracles this coming year - one for S and one for K. I wish I could do more for them. They deserve more - more happiness....more perfect days.

Open Wide

I have nothing of any real interest to say today. Hmmmm...could it be I really am as boring as I think I am?!

Actually, I do have one random thought that keeps flashing thru my brain. My son is going to the dentist for the first time today. I hate the dentist, it gives me the creeps to even think about going. I sure hope that I can spare my son that phobia. I work really hard not to transfer my fears and dislikes to him.

I'll have to let you know how the visit goes. It should be interesting given that he bites me any time I put my finger in his mouth (checking for teeth). I sure hope he doesn't bite the dentist!

I AM my mother

So I didn't quite find the time to make it here yesterday. Life got in the way. Funny how that happens. It's not like there was some earthshattering, ultra serious "thing" going on. Just the boring day to day stuff at work and at home.

I need to give props to my mom. I don't do it nearly enough and I've come to really respect her in the last few years. Strangely enough I now find myself not minding that I've become alot like her.

I've mentioned in passing that my dad was in the Navy - 20 years of service to our country. What is often times overlooked is the service (and sacrifice) of the family of the soldier, sailor or airman. These individuals - wives and children especially - are unsung heros. When I was a kid I hated being part of a military family. All the moving around we did was very difficult. I never realized how hard it was on my mother.

There are three kids in my family, myself and two younger sisters. We got along well for the most part. And my mom had to endure 2 different deployments with all three of us under foot. Both deployments got extended past their original date to come home. I remember the one during the Iran crisis in the late 1970's most. Yet thru it all, my mom never let us see how frazzled she had to have been. I know I'm frazzled with just my son, I can't imagine having to deal with 3 little ones. I don't ever remember seeing, or hearing, her cry or complain. She just did what she had to do to keep the house running, and us from killing each other;-)

So, now that I'm walking in her shoes, almost literally, I understand her better. I've had a great role model and I didn't even realize it. And she understands me in ways I don't even understand me. I consider her to be one of the strongest, bravest women I've ever met.