Have you ever felt like you are in the way no matter how hard you try NOT to be? Tonight I got a healthy dose of that feeling. My step mother basically told me that she is feeling crowded and that she and my dad need some space - oh and while you are at it, pony up some cash to help with bills. This last thing was something my dad and I had already discussed and come to an agreement on.
What really gets me is I've tried very hard not to be in the way, not to be intrusive on their privacy, and to be respectful of how she wants her house kept. She's very much a "neat freak" and me, well, I'm not. I have a toddler and have come to accept that there is no avoiding the mess a toddler makes. Since we moved here two months ago I've tried very hard to keep his mess in check, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it. Guess not...
And one of the things she asked me was how long we were planning to be here. Um, well, I thought the invitation to come up and stay was for the time DH is over seas. Apparently she didn't understand this, or I didn't understand it may not have been. I'm not sure which. This just adds to my uncertainty about whether I should have stayed in AZ, moved in with my dad or moved in with my mom. During my sometimes two hour long commute the last couple weeks I've been really questioning this. I spend very little time with DS any more and, to be honest, the pay at the museum is hardly worth what it is costing me in gas. This job really is to gain experience so I can (hopefully) move on/up in a museum when we go back to AZ. I'm definitely not in it for the money.
So I'm thinking I need to re-evaluate my work schedule at the museum. I'm going to ask them if they can schedule the bulk of my hours (preferably 8 at a time) on Tues/Thurs/Sat and then see if I can pick up something part time closer to home. I hate the idea of working two jobs but it may come to that. The alternative is to pack things up and move to my mom's, uproot DS from his new daycare that he is finally adjusting to and try to find a new one closer to work, and really piss DH off. I haven't decided if I'm even going to tell him about any of this. I don't want to worry/upset him.
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2 comments:
I am sure your DH will support you in whatever you choose to do because you support him just the same :) I am so sorry you're being made to feel this way though and I'm sorry that things weren't clearer on the agreements you made with your family members so there wasn't this awkwardness. *HUGS* I hope that you are able to find the best way to figure this out with the least amount of disruption to Jack and yourself :)
UG! I hope you can work out your living arrangement. Even though it seems like things were either midunderstood or have changed, maybe a talk can work them out. I know all about long days and not seeing your DS. I am lucky to get 1-2 hours per night and it does suck. Sending you lots and lots of hugs!
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