A Better Day

I'm feeling a little less stressed today.

My presentation went well.

I have managed to cram 3 days worth of training session into 2.5 so tomorrow afternoon won't be hectic as I anticipated.

I've finally got a meeting set up with the woman I need to interview for my paper.

The storage unit is taken care of - and almost full thanks to DH and his big strong muscles moving stuff today.

And I did manage to get my new trial pair of contacts, which are working better but still not perfect. I think this is as good as it gets with them though. We'll see the week after next.

So tonight I get to go home, snuggle with my son and DH and relax a bit. This will be the first time in over two weeks I haven't had to do homework or be somewhere after work.

It doesn't suck to be me as much as it did two days ago...

Stressed? Who Me?

Last night was NOT one of my more stellar moments. I'm feeling very overwhelmed and ended up in tears, yelling at DH for something very rediculous.

It started after leaving work. We stopped by the storage unit office to see if we can get a larger unit this week. They can do it but I, and only I, have to transfer the contract and we only have 2 days to move the stuff out of the old unit and into the new one.

OK, fine! Except that I have class every day this week, I have to work - including finish teaching the training session I started yesterday, I have a presentation due tomorrow that I haven't even STARTED yet, my paper for said presentation is due on Weds next week, I still have to meet with a very nice lady whom I am going to use as a resource for said paper, we (DH and I) still need to meet with the lawyer to draw up a will, and all this needs to be done before we leave for Las Vegas next Tuesday! Because yes, that is where DH is leaving from for training.

Can we please try to cram one more bloody thing in? I'm exhausted from the very short and intense trip to NM, which in hind sight I probably shouldn't have gone on, and I'm sick.

Enter Sears, who for some fucking reason can't seem to understand the concept of I have to work during business hours and can't drop everything just to run over there and sit in the dr.'s chair for 10 sec. Honestly! I'm so tired of dealing with them...yes, this goes back to a month ago when I went to have my eyes examined and get new contacts. They still aren't right and are driving me crazy.

Someone please stop the world, I want to get off now!

Getting my Irish up

I don't know why I let it happen. We were having such a wonderful day on Saturday. DH, our son and I had gone to New Mexico to visit my IL. We had a great day, despite my son being 2 and refusing to eat dinner.

We've taken the stance that he eats what he's served or he doesn't eat. I know it sounds harsh but I don't like being a short order cook. And I've discovered that 9 times out of 10 he'll actually EAT if I don't bug him or offer something else.

So my MIL, bless her heart, starts in on "Can't he have just a little cake?" and "It won't hurt him to have a small piece".

OK, so I was going to cave and let him....until she started in. DH stepped in, bless his heart, and made a PB&J sandwhich, which he ate before allowing him some cake. And so it begins.....

Home Stretch

I'm in the home stretch toward graduation. Just about a week and a half left before finals. I've completed two of my three big projects and will be hitting my last paper and presentation hard this weekend. We will be at the IL so hopefully I'll be able to get some "me time" by DH taking our son out to play with the animals. The weather is supposed to be very nice so they can play outside alot, as long as the dogs leave them alone.

Now if I can just hold off this cold I feel coming on. Gotta love my son's ability to share his cold but not his Nemo fruit snacks!

Life is Good

At least for now. I don't know how long this feeling will last, especially with AF quickly creeping into range and PMS sure to set in any day, but for now I'll enjoy it.

Part of my joy is most likely due to the fact DH is coming home tomorrow. Of course what waits for us at the end of the next two weeks is something I don't even want to think about, so being the good Scarlett O'Hara that I am, I won't!

Perfect

So the visit to the dentist was a success. My son did wonderfully considering it was the first time he'd been to that office and also the first time someone other than me insisted on seeing his "teef". It looks like we might be in for braces down the road but that I expected. After all DH and I both had them. But the dentist said his teeth look perfect - good brushing, no cavities. And we don't have to come back for a year.

We flew out to CA to visit family for Easter weekend. One last visit before DH leaves. It was a perfect weekend. I got to spend time with my grand mother, who is in her 80's and expecting to die at any time (her thinking, not mine lol). It was nice to spend most of Friday together, it's something we haven't done in a long time. Saturday was less than perfect weather but a wonderful day for us as a family. We took in a movie, walked around a cute little "mall" and just spent time together. I wish all days could be like that. Soon enough...

Sunday was nice - but far from perfect. It would have been perfect if I could have sat at mass knowing that it wasn't a sad day for two of my virtual friends. I have my own struggles with God, that I won't go into, but I tried to get past that (and hope He is past it) enough to ask for two small miracles this coming year - one for S and one for K. I wish I could do more for them. They deserve more - more happiness....more perfect days.

Open Wide

I have nothing of any real interest to say today. Hmmmm...could it be I really am as boring as I think I am?!

Actually, I do have one random thought that keeps flashing thru my brain. My son is going to the dentist for the first time today. I hate the dentist, it gives me the creeps to even think about going. I sure hope that I can spare my son that phobia. I work really hard not to transfer my fears and dislikes to him.

I'll have to let you know how the visit goes. It should be interesting given that he bites me any time I put my finger in his mouth (checking for teeth). I sure hope he doesn't bite the dentist!

I AM my mother

So I didn't quite find the time to make it here yesterday. Life got in the way. Funny how that happens. It's not like there was some earthshattering, ultra serious "thing" going on. Just the boring day to day stuff at work and at home.

I need to give props to my mom. I don't do it nearly enough and I've come to really respect her in the last few years. Strangely enough I now find myself not minding that I've become alot like her.

I've mentioned in passing that my dad was in the Navy - 20 years of service to our country. What is often times overlooked is the service (and sacrifice) of the family of the soldier, sailor or airman. These individuals - wives and children especially - are unsung heros. When I was a kid I hated being part of a military family. All the moving around we did was very difficult. I never realized how hard it was on my mother.

There are three kids in my family, myself and two younger sisters. We got along well for the most part. And my mom had to endure 2 different deployments with all three of us under foot. Both deployments got extended past their original date to come home. I remember the one during the Iran crisis in the late 1970's most. Yet thru it all, my mom never let us see how frazzled she had to have been. I know I'm frazzled with just my son, I can't imagine having to deal with 3 little ones. I don't ever remember seeing, or hearing, her cry or complain. She just did what she had to do to keep the house running, and us from killing each other;-)

So, now that I'm walking in her shoes, almost literally, I understand her better. I've had a great role model and I didn't even realize it. And she understands me in ways I don't even understand me. I consider her to be one of the strongest, bravest women I've ever met.

TGIF

Today has been a day of getting absolutely nothing accomplished at work. It's the last day for one of my co-workers so we had a nice lunch for him, with cake and everything. This morning was spent putting out fires from yesterday but it wasn't anything that helped me get stuff done today. And this afternoon has been spent chatting with co-workers and catching up with "the boards."

I'm feeling so unmotivated to do work of any kind. I'd rather be home playing or out at the park with my son. It's a beautifully clear, warm day. Ah, well, tomorrow will be too, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day...it is spring in Arizona after all! Soon enough we'll be running for the comfort of air conditioning trying to escape the 100+ degree temps that will be here all too soon. Even with that I think my DH is right, it's worth the trade off when we have spring days like today. The only thing that would make it better is if he were here to play with us.

Me Time

I skipped class today. I know, I know...but it's the last few weeks of a very long semester and I just didn't have the energy to deal with the people in this particular class yet again this week.

So instead I went to get my hair cut. It's a luxury I don't allow myself often enough, unfortunately. There always seems to be a reason not to do it, or not getting a pedicure, or a massage, or a facial. But today it seemed really important to me that I take that hour I would have spent biting my tounge and instead spend it doing something for me.

Now I must try to focus on my papers, which for some reason are refusing to write themselves....

Math

I must be the biggest math-phobe ever. I really do hate any arithmatic equation more complex than simple addition and subtraction. Seriously! Keeping my check book balanced is a real chore - and I use a calculator. LOL! It's a miracle I passed my college algebra class a few years ago.

Speaking of math class, I feel like that was a defining moment for me. Because I am "challenged" in this area I had to concentrate really really hard to pass. And it's funny how fate intervenes at times like this. At the time I was beginning my ump-teenth run at completing - never mind passing - a math class. The first couple days of class are always a getting comfortable process, with the teacher and also scoping out possible "study buddies". There was one other lady in the class who was also, what is now called, a nontraditional student (aka someone over 25 years old). We got to talking and realized that we both had similar "issues" with math. The following semester we ended up in the same math class again, purely by chance. We agreed to help each other thru the torture of Math 117, which was needed to graduate.

We met at lunch and on weekends to go over our homework, we met together to go to the math tutoring center and also to go to talk to the instructor when we still needed more help. We also supported each other as friends in our outside of class lives. And in the end we passed! It was the best, most hard won A I've ever achieved in my academic career. And I can honestly say, if it had not been for the friendship I forged with Donna I don't know if I would have done as well in the class. Maybe, but I'm glad I didn't have to find out.

In the last few years I've become friends with a group of women via a couple of message boards. Most every one of those women I met when I began my journey TTC and they continue to be a source of inspiration and support in a way that is difficult for many of my IRL friends to understand. It is similar to how things went in my triumph over algebra - with support and understanding of people who share my fears and concerns, and a little bit of faith, I was able to achieve the crowning "glory" of my life - the conception and birth of my darling little boy. Every day I appreciate my friends on the boards more and more because of the support they've given me and each other.

But I still don't like to do math...

A Bad Penny

So, AF turned up today. It's not like I didn't expect her, just wish she wouldn't have waited til the middle of the day for crying out loud. Normally she makes her appearance bright and early in the day. Luckily I came to work prepared!

I guess this would explain why I'm in such a foul mood today. I'm trying not to take it out on unsuspecting strangers but I'll be damned if every person in the stupid tree hasn't fallen out as I walk by.

Well, at least we have one more try at this before DH leaves next month. I'm beginning to suspect that we are destined to be a family of three. DH says he's ok with that, so it's just me that has to come to terms with it.

I'm not complaining, really. I will take the blessing I've been given, the fact that my son is healthy and happy and so very smart. I know that not everyone is blessed with this gift, no matter how hard they work and pray to make it happen. I really am grateful, and sometimes I feel like I'm tempting fate by asking for a second miracle.

I suppose it's that I don't want my son to grow up an only child. I know that pleanty of people grow up as only children and are just fine. But I have a wonderful relationship with my sisters and I want him to have that too.

A dream is a wish your heart makes

OK, so I forgot about weekends, lol. I rarely get online on the weekends because I want to maximize the time I spend with my son.

When I started this blog I neglected to mention that, in addition to everything else going on, DH and I are TTC #2 to make our little family complete. We've been at this for about 8 cycles now...8 long, trying cycles. And in some circles that's not that long! I know some brave souls who have been at the TTC game for years.

Anyway, I am at the end of this cycle. AF should be here in just a day or two. And for the last few days, ok the last week, I've had some pretty convincing pg symptoms (IPS). I've been nauseated at the drop of a hat, I can smell everything, I get this weird tingling sensation all over my body, the list goes on and on. And like a fool, I POAS last Thursday and got a BFN. I convinced myself that that was just a fluke. It was too early - waaaayyyy too early. I knew that! So there was no reason to be upset, just wait a couple more days and test again.

I guess this has been weighing on my mind more than I thought because last night (well this morning really) I dreamed I POAS, which looked suspiciously like a thermometer, and got that illusive BFP. Not only was it + there were two +! Like I was looking thru a kalidascope. Needless to say I woke up and had to POAS right then and there. Imagine my disappointment when all there was to see was a single pink line. The damn thing didn't even have the generosity of spirit to at least make me squint at an imaginary line. Even without my glasses or contacts in I could tell it was screaming "no, No, NO you fool".

So now I wait for AF to show....