D Day!

I can't believe it's finally here! Today I get to meet the littlest dude:-)

We are being induced a couple weeks early due to my BP staying up and the fact he's estimated to be between 7 & 8lbs right now. He was measured at 6.5lbs the day before Thanksgiving! Did the amnio on 12/1 and his lungs are mature. The swelling in my hands and feet is not going down as easily any more and I'm starting to spill protein.

I'm very excited and a little nervous too! We've waited so long for him to get here and had lots of heartache and tears. I know that we are so lucky to make it this far and I just want him to be in my arms.

DS is super excited, lol! He keeps hugging my belly saying "I want to hug my brother!" He is so sweet and I hope this is an easy adjustment for him. I guess I'm lucky he's a little older and I can talk to him about things and know he "gets" it, kwim?

Here's hoping things go smoothly!

Lesson Learned - I hope

So, now that most of my family AND DH's family are on FB I can't really rant there so whoever still reads this is lucky to geta dose of pg hormonal ranting this morning....

Why do I have to be the only one with any common sense most days?! I mean really, is it so hard to listen to what your child is telling you and use the fucking phone to verify the information?! That's what cell phones are for, right? I'm not paying for minutes just so you can keep the damn thing in your pocket!

Now you might be wondering what set me off last night. It's stupid really, and most likely easy to fix. The school DS goes to did a fund raiser last month and the items came in yesterday. We sold quite a bit of things and there were (apparently) two bags of stuff for DS to bring home. Instead of just bringing them home, DH just decided that one of the bags couldn't be DS's and left it! OK, so you couldn't freaking read the tag that said he had 2 bags?! The kid told you both were his! You need to learn to fucking listen to your kid. Most often he knows what he's talking about and if you aren't sure USE THE FUCKING PHONE!

Even better, DS (being the almost 6yo he is) decided to open one of the boxes of candy before he got picked up yesterday. Sigh! And of course he didn't like it so he gave them to another kid at the after school program . The only "good" thing is, it was the candy my mom purchased and not one of the people at work. He apologized (with some prompting from DH) to my mom but we did have a talk about not getting into things until we are sure they belong to us.

What really pissed me off is this could have mostly been avoided if I'd been the one to pick him up. The candy thing would still be there but that's just one of those lessons.

I guess it comes down to - I hate that I have to rely on someone else to take care of my kid. Whether it's dropping him off, picking him up or anything else. It should be me. And yes, it's a control issue with me right now. I'll fully admit it. I've tried very hard to "just let it go" and let DH figure it out. But then we get into situations like this and I just think "I need to do it all or it won't get done right!" It's not fair to him, and it's not fair to me, but it is what it is. And I guess part of my frustration with DH is, he just bulldozes thru and doesn't stop to ask questions until much later. If he'd just told me on the phone what happened I could have stopped by the school on my way home and gotten the other bag of stuff and this wouldn't be such a big deal.

And no, I haven't had the chance to talk to him about it. I was so upset last night all I could do was cry. DS was right there the whole time and so was my mom. I guess that's part of my frustration too. I needed some space to sort thru this and couldn't escape people.

I'm such a mess and I hate that! But that's a post for another day....

Bad Blogger!

Yes, that's me....I've been a bad bad blogger. RL has just gotten in the way. Not an excuse, just the truth.

A quick update on us.....
Baby is doing well. We began 2x/wk monitoring and have not had any major issues come up. He's moving well and growing well - not too big so that's a good thing. My BP is pretty stable. It depends on whether I'm at my appt right after work or on the weekend some days, lol! Hmmmmm...think that means I need a new job?! My GD is pretty well under control too.

Had a scary day last week when I fell getting ready for work. Was in the bathroom and slipped on the wet floor. Luckily(?) I did the splits and went right down. Didn't hit my belly on anything and DH was there to literally pick me up off the floor. Still ended up with a pulled or torn muscle in my leg but if that's the worst I'll take it!

DH is headed back to work for a couple of weeks before he has to report to active duty again. Won't be as bad this time as he'll be posted in the US. I'll write more about this once we know when he's going. In the mean time he has to head back to his "real" job, which he's not looking forward to. I'm hoping they don't give him too hard a time (just generally speaking) and that he's able to get an OJT "trainer" who isn't a complete moron - tough to find in the department sometimes.

DS is very excited about his brother being born soon. He asks just about every day "When..." I finally got a chance to get him to go with me to an appointment and he asked the dr, lol! Seems we are in for an amnio to check lung maturity right around 12/1. After that we'll know more! Yikes! That's two weeks from now give or take a couple days.

The other exciting news for DS is he has a loose tooth! He's been playing with it for about a month now and it's finally getting loose enough that it's bugging him when he eats, lol! Looks like the toothfairy will be visiting our house before the year is out! What does a tooth go for these days anyway?

Not Exactly An Ideal Homecoming

So DH came home on Thursday! Finally! It was a great day:-)

Friday, DS came down with the flu - swine flu. Oh, great! Luckily we caught it early and were able to get a course of tamiflu started. That stuff ROCKS! He's well on the mend and will be back to school tomorrow if he stays fever free today.

And my ob's on-call started me on a preventative course as well. Guess he sees pg ladies in the ER alot and it can get bad quickly if you don't keep an eye on it. Better safe than sorry. So far the rest of us have managed to avoid getting sick.

Poor kid has been cooped up in the house since Friday. He's got cabin fever and I'm sure will be glad to get back to class.

The GD is under better control now. They put me on oral meds and that seemed to do the trick, along with increased exercise.

Feeling pretty good now, just have an intense desire to run. Not sure why but there's no way right now, lol! 11 weeks and this kid will be here! OMG! Where has the time gone?

Referred

I'm being referred to a perinatologist!

Ok, deep breath and I'll start from the beginning. I had my 3hr GTT a few weeks ago (5-6 weeks ago) and my numbers were a little high. No biggie, I expected it since I had GD w/DS. They gave me a monitor and I've been testing 4x/day for a month now and have seen little progress in keeping my numbers low. Now, I'll admit I haven't been getting a lot of exercise and am now making a huge effort to walk more during the day - treadmill and more errands at work. I'm also being more careful about my diet. This seems to be taking care of the daytime/post meal numbers.

What has me concerned is my first reading in the morning, right after I wake up. It's staying pretty consistently over 100. So I called my ob about a week ago and the doc was out. He got back earlier this week but I hadn't heard anything until today. I didn't think the numbers were THAT bad...

So now I'm a little freaked. Not alot, just a little. What else will they find wrong? What if we don't get the numbers under control? Is this going to kick start Type 2? What if...what if...what if.... I don't know when my appt is yet. They are supposed to call me next week.

I need a distraction and I think it's going to come in the form of DH coming home! We've got a preliminary timeframe of the last two weeks of Sept. LOL! That's helpful. So my mind has been making lists of things I need to get done before he gets home. Most of it is do-able (without over doing) with the exception of the painting. I'll leave that for him to do:-) It'll help him feel useful...riiiiiiggggghhhhhtttt! LOL!

DS is excited and has been for a while. Between having so much fun at school and getting ready for Daddy to come home I think he's going to go crazy! We're going to have to bust out the poster board and paints and make some signs next weekend.

Relief

It's been almost 2 weeks of chiro treatments and I'm feeling much much better! It's amazing and I'm kicking myself for not doing this when I was pg w/DS. I still have pain but it's managible. I was very lucky to find this chiro. She's very nice and really listens to what I'm telling her.

I do believe DS has brought home the first round of "crud" from school. Luckily it's just a stuffy nose and cough and not flu. I'm hoping that it passes quickly!

No Such Luck

Just when I thought I might escape the joy that is SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction) today I realized that I'm just not that lucky. Today has been my most painful yet during this pregnancy. Not sure if it's fatigue making it worse or if it's just decided to kick in now. Either way I'm going to have to figure out how to deal with this.

I will say that it has taken longer to start up than last time. I think with DS I was in serious pain from about 15 weeks on. I'm now 21 weeks and have had only mild discomfort until today.

Think I'm going to have to find a chiro or something.

In other news, DH is still doing well and should be back in the US in Sept some time. No firm date, and don't expect one for some time yet. DS is really enjoying being a "school age" kid now:-) He likes his teacher, which is a plus, and is coming home tired every night, also a good thing.

Time Marches On

I can't believe how quickly time is moving these days. DH will be home in just a couple months! It's been a long deployment but now the end is in sight. I'm sure DH is happier than I am he'll be home!

DS is now a "grade schooler". He started Kindergarten yesterday and, so far, loves it. He is adjusting well to his new school and classmates. Today's drop off was harder on me than on him. He ran onto the play yard and didn't look back until I called his name to wave to him. Sigh!

My 20 week u/s was a couple weeks ago - when I was 18 weeks, lol! Baby is growing well and all looks good. We are blue again, which had me disappointed for exactly 30 seconds before I was over myself:-) I'm just so grateful he is apparently healthy and this pg has been pretty smooth. My 3hr GTT results came back with slightly high numbers so they are considering me borderline GD. I knew it would happen and am ready to get to work getting my sugars under control.

Funniest Email

So yesterday morning I was checking my email before work and noticed DH had sent me something. He usually passes on jokes and stuff so I was surprised to find a "real" email waiting. Apparently his roomie's anniversary is coming up and that got him thinking "Did I forget something...." So he emailed to apologize for forgetting (if he had forgotten), lol!

And yes, he did forget but so did I. I just can't get upset at stuff like that.

It's not ouir "real" anniversary anyway. I always remember May 13 as our anniversary - it's the day we met 9 years ago. I can't believe we've been together that long! We shoulda gotten married on that date but DH couldn't get leave. Once again our lives were dictated by the US Army.... but don't get me started on that one!

Anyway, he apologized and promised to take me out to dinner when he gets home. Of course by then I'll be big as a house and unable to enjoy the beer I've been craving. Besides, I got the best present a person could ask for this year....

A Loss Is A Loss

no matter what species you are. I've been thinking about this "topic" alot lately. Over the 4th of July weekend I met yet another mom who has recently suffered a loss, and she really made an impact on me though I never expected it. I know she won't mind if I share her story with you all.

DS, my mom and I went to visit the IL over the long weekend. Before we left my MIL mentioned that one of their dogs, Abby, was due to have puppies any day. When we got there a few days later sure enough, she had given birth to 9 puppies(yes, my eyes bugged out too at the thought of 9 babies) the day before. Everyone was very excited though we hadn't had a chance to get a good look at them.

Saturday morning, my FIL went out to check on the new family and much to all of our disappointment two of the precious little pups had died. Abby still wouldn't let anyone get close enough to any of the babies, let alone remove the two that had passed.

FIL, being the gentle worrier he is, decided the new mom and babies needed a slightly bigger house so that they didn't lose any more babies. So, at 7am we set to work building. A couple hours later the old houses were gone and the new house was ready to be occupied.

Abby, however, was going nowhere without ALL her babies. My FIL had managed to get the 7 surviving pups moved into the new house but Abby took hold of one of the dead pups and would NOT let it go. She'd dug a hole in one corner of her enclosure to help her keep cool and she retreated to the hole with the baby, whimpering the whole time. She put the pup down and picked it up several times, crying as she did so.

It was so sad to see her mourning her babies like that. I wanted to go in there and just sit next to her, pat her head and cry with her. But I couldn't because she doesn't really know me and I didn't want to stress her out any more than she already was.

Luckily my FIL didn't force her to give up the baby. He let her give it up on her own and retrieved the body a few hours later. Even though the bodies were gone she continued to look for the babies the whole weekend.

What struck me during this whole time was how gentle she was with the baby and how she was determined to not give up on that baby. I've heard of, and seen, grieving behavior in higher order animals (primates, elephants, etc) but I was so touched and amazed that a dog would exhibit similar grieving behaviors.

Some people might say - well she wasn't really grieving, just exhibiting a natural instinct to preserve her species. But isn't that what we all are doing when we love and nurture our children, and when we mourn the loss of a child. I know that I not only mourned the physical loss of my babies but the potential each of them would have brought to this world. I looked into Abby's eyes that morning and saw that she too mourns the loss of those puppies, even if she doesn't fully understand like we do.

Scared

Anyone have any experience with eating disorders? Oh, I'm not talking about me;-) I'm too in love with my carbs to purge or not eat at all. I have a friend who is really struggling right now and I'm at a loss how to help her.

We met in college (the first time around). We were roommates for 3 years, sorority sisters, and I never knew she was suffering like that. After she graduated we lost contact for a while and during that time her ED really flaired up. She's been thru treatment a few times, most recently about 6 years ago or so. We reconnected because the center she was at is here in AZ. But we still aren't as close as we were 20 years ago.

Anyway, we stay "updated" via FB and she's posted some notes that really have me worried. She's in therapy still so I know she won't end up as bad off as she was before (at least I hope not). I just wish we were closer so I could help her! I'm not a therapist, nor do I play one on tv, but just being able to spend time with her. Give a hug when she needs it, and a shoulder when she needs to cry. I hate that she feels like she has to do this alone.

And yes I know she does have to do this alone (for the most part). I know I can't fix it for her. I just hate that she has to...

Whew!

So, I had my dr appt today and got the results of the NT scan we had done on June 10. Bloodwork was good and the scan results were good too. They estimate our chances of DS at 1 in 5,000 which is pretty darn good! Because they didn't see anything of concern on the u/s we will opt out of the amnio for now. I'll have bloodwork done at my next appt and they will run an AFP just to be sure. Gonna do the 1hr GTT as well(yucky).

Also gonna get another u/s (most likely my last one for a while) and hopefully this kid will cooperate:-) For the NT baby was sleeping when we got started and I had to walk around a little to wake it up, lol!

So all in all feeling much more confident about this pregnancy. I know, you're probably thinking - Uh, your 14 weeks now! Chill out! Problem is, I know this and statistically it's unlikely something will go wrong but I know that the possibility is still there.

Don't worry, I don't dwell on it but I do think alot about the mommies I know who don't get to hold their babies/children because that one in a million chance happened to them. I'm doing my best to enjoy everything about this pregnancy because I know it will be my last and I'm very very lucky to be pregnant.

OK, so I'm a slacker. Time just gets away from me these days. Overall I'm feeling good, still tired and the nausea is still hanging around though not as severe. I'm not complaining though! It is all worth it. I have my NT scheduled for the middle of this week. Can't wait to get that out of the way! Then my regular appt at the end of the month.

DS is getting used to the idea of being a big brother. It's still not "real" to him though. Probably won't be until I start showing more - one of the down sides of being big to begin with. We've had several conversations about when the baby comes. The most interesting one was yesterday morning. He asked if he gets to stay with me and the baby:-( I told him of course he does, and Daddy too.

He's such a funny kid. He is taking swim lessons at the Y now. I love watching him swim. I really think he could be caught up with other kids his age by the end of summer. We've got a membership there and have gone to the pool several times. He just loves being in the water!

We Have A Heartbeat!

Yesterday was my "intake" appointment. They did the usual - pap, bloodwork and pee in a cup. They also got me in for an ultrasound, which I was hoping for. I had to wait all day for it but I was determined to know either way. So at 4pm I was back and in the u/s room. She put the scanner "thingy" on my abdomen and found little bean almost right away and there was a heartbeat! I burst into tears, which I'm quite sure didn't help her take measurements. I did try to hold still!

What a relief! I know that the chances of another miscarriage is now pretty low but we are still being "close to the vest" with this news right now. I've told my mom since she's living with me, just in case. I've also told my supervisor at work in case something happens there. Beyond that only my online friends know.

Ummmm.....

Remember how I was freaking out a couple months ago about the surgery DH had and the possible fertility issues it could cause for us? Well, ummmmm, apparently it's not really an issue.

AF should have been here the day DH left to go back overseas. However, when he left she still hadn't shown so I figured, oh, good another 40 day cycle (not!) After all, when you POAS and it says Not Pregnant you kinda just toss it in the trash and move on, right?

Well, cd40 came and went and still no AF. I called my doc and made an appt. They immediately did some blood work and lo and behold - an hcg count of 696! OMG!!! The follow up blood draw was almost double after 36 hrs. Holy crap!

So now we are putting the plan we worked out last year into action - baby asprin and prog supps. I have my next appt on Tuesday. Don't know if they will do an u/s, but I'm hoping! I wasn't temping or anything this cycle so I have NO idea when I O'd.

Over all I'm feeling pretty good. Mild nausea has hit but the fatigue isn't too bad. Of course I don't have time to really think about it like I did with DS:-) That's a good thing because then I can't obsess over every little thing.

We haven't told anyone IRL yet. Just playing it safe until we see a heartbeat. DH is cautiously excited. He admitted to me yesterday that he was very nervous, and I can't say I blame him. I'm feeling the same way.

OMG!

I didn't realize it's been 2 mos since my last post. Wow! What a slacker! Quite a bit has happened so I'll do the reader's digest version update...

We got another dog but are not keeping him. He's a young beagle(@2yo) and very very beagle! I don't have the time or energy to devote to him and it's not fair so we are giving him back to the rescue group this week.

DH came home and we had a GREAT visit. He's been back overseas for about a week now. I can't wait until he's home for good. DS really misses him!

Because of the dog, I've been getting out for at least a 1 mile walk/run every day - except for the week I injured both my knees when the dog decided to make running a contact sport. Sigh! Luckily I was wearing sweat pants and didn't do any major damage, just bruised and needing to grow back about 10 layers of skin on my knees. I'm planning to keep up the walk/run every day. It's been really good for my waistline:-)

My mom had knee surgery the other day (arthoscopic) and is recovering nicely. I'm glad because she's been hurting for so long! She injured her knee when we moved and we discovered it was a stress fracture and tears in two ligements!

DS has started playing tee ball and is having a blast! He's pretty good at the basics and I'm hoping he'll want to continue next year. DH practiced with him when he was home and they had so much fun:-)

I think that's about it. I promise to post a little more often!

Can I Confess...

that I'm so tired of being sick and tired. Yes, that's the same line I used in my FB status a few days ago but it's still true.

that I miss my DH terribly and am looking forward to his coming home in a few weeks on R&R.

that I got very frustrated by DS tonight at dinner. I'm very tired of hearing "I don't like/want that for dinner". It's really grating. I'm not a freaking short order cook and don't aspire to be one!

that despite my losing my cool he still wanted to snuggle with me after his bath and fell asleep in my lap. I love that!

that I haven't gotten out for another hike yet. This cold has been kicking my butt and the weather here hasn't been very good, well not good for us, lol.

that I am seriously going to get up and on the treadmill in the morning.

that I HATE how fat I've gotten in the last couple months and I am going to lose all that weight and more.

Hikes

I've decided that DS and I will be getting out to hike at least 2 times a month. The park system around here is pretty good and they have ranger led hikes that are tailored to kids DS's age. Tonight we went on a night hike. I was worried DS wouldn't make it because he was so tired. I'm glad he did because it was a beautiful night for hiking! The sky was clear and the stars were so bright! Just amazing!

I love hiking and have not been able to get out to do much the last few years. I got started back in college (the first time around) when I worked at a summer camp. I'm hoping DS will develope a love for it too!

OK, time to quit wasting time online and get some bills paid...

Cleaning

I got the carpets cleaned on Saturday! It was not as difficult as I anticipated, mostly because I cleaned around the big furniture instead of moving it, lol. Lazy I know but I don't have help to move the big stuff.


On the TTC front I got some not so great news from DH. It seems that one of the "side effects" of the surgery he had done is (drum roll please!) not being able to produce sperm on that side! Yup, and of course he just kind of casually mentioned it in the middle of a conversation like he was telling me what he had for lunch. Oh, yes, I was not a happy camper. Like we don't have enough challenges now we have this. We don't know for sure that that happened but with my luck it did.

Supposedly the Army/VA will "help", though I'm not sure what he means by that - if it's just with fertility testing or if they will go farther and help with AI. And I'm not sure I WANT to go that route. I have enough trouble with the hormones I have, thank you very much, I can't imagine adding more. So, like everything else these days, we just have to wait and see.

Moving On

Well, it's been a couple of weeks and we are doing our best to move on. We've started to really clean up the house so we can think about bringing home a new fur baby in a few weeks. DS is finally understanding that Scruffy won't be coming home. He was very confused at first. We do talk about it when he wants to. The other day he told me he didn't want our new puppy to go to the dr because he wanted it to come home. Sigh! I had to remind him that drs are a good thing (for the most part) and that the dr was not why Scruffy couldn't come home.

I still need to steam clean the carpet in just about every room in the house but it will be worth it to know that the virus is gone. That is the plan for the long weekend. Then we just need to give it a few more weeks and we can start looking for a new friend for DS.

He starts Tball in a few weeks too! We signed up on Saturday. Both of us are very excited:-) I'll post a pic once he gets out on the field.