Sadness

CK, I'm thinking of you. I know that today (Tuesday) is going to be incredibly difficult for you and your beloved. I just wanted you to know that I'll be sending PPT for you both. I hope this is the last time you have to endure this kind of torture.

Huge hugs for you both!

My Surprise This Week

I have to just mention how surprised I am about something. In my job I work with alot of volunteers. They are the docents at our museum. The make up of this group is really wide ranging - from blue collar on the assembly line guys to upper management at the local airplane manufacturer, from teachers to doctors to CPAs. Their one common love - airplanes. Most, but not all, are retirees. They are an interesting cross section of people.

So this week I've been letting each shift of docents know that next week is my last week. Some seem surprised, some don't. All of them understand my reasons for leaving - keeping my family together. It's been very interesting to see even the gruffest, grumpiest of these guys soften just a little during out meetings this week. They remember what it's like and they sympathize.

Only once did I almost cry this week. I've become close to some fo these men and women. They are truly wonderful people, even if they can get a little grumpy at times.

It's funny, a couple months ago I was talking with my director and mentioning how I had become a little dissillusioned. I'd gone into this job expecting these docents to be like my own grandfather and they weren't. Well, I was wrong. They are just like my grandfather was. Each of them has the same determination that the story of their generation not be forgotten. And each of them has the determination that THEY not be forgotten and that they continue to be able to do something for their community. I'm just really glad they chose this particular museum to share with.

Back from the doctor...

And today's appt was a monumental waste of $20. As soon as I got home from the doctor I had to pee and low and behold AF has made her appearance.

I can't say I'm not a little disappointed. It would have been nice to be pg. But I'm also being honest when I say I'm a little relieved. With all the uncertainty of moving, etc, this will give us time to get settled in.

CD 40 And Counting

So, AF is still a no show. CD 40 is coming to a close. I'm not sure what to think. I've never had a cycle last this long, at least not when I'm not pg. I have an appt with the doctor tomorrow afternoon. I'm not sure what to expect. I guess I'm just hoping to have some kind of definitive answer - am I pg or not. Either way we can deal with it.

And to top it off, I've now got a head cold. I woke up with a stuffy nose this morning. Just what I need to make my life so much more fun.

The Mind Of A Child

It's amazing to me how much my DS has grown up over the last year. When we first moved in with my dad and step mother last summer, DS was very much still a baby - my baby. His verbal skills were a little behind, mostly because we all anticipated what he wanted so he never had to learn to ask for what he wanted. Now the child talks non stop! It's wonderfully frustrating.

His physical abilities have really come into sharp focus as well. Several months ago I bought a t-ball set for him to play with. Now he won't use the tee. He insists that you pitch to him, and he's a good hitter! I think I've lost more weight shagging baseballs for him than I did running after work. LOL! And he's now tall enough to see over the handle of the shopping cart at the grocery store when he's helping push - standing on the under cart shelf.

And just now, as he was watching Chicken Little, after the scene where Goosey Loosey tried to toss Chicken Little out of the gym window, he looked at me and said "Mommy, is it good to throw people out of the window?" The question took me by surprise! I'll admit I was blog stalking and not paying attention to the movie. Of course I ansered him that it wasn't because you could hurt someone, to which he nodded his head and said "Yeah, it's not nice."

Happy 2nd Birthday Ryan!!

I'm sending many hugs to your Mommy and Daddy. I hope they are able to find some peace today. We'll be singing Happy Birthday to you and having cake in your honor tonight.

Sorry to leave you hanging!

So, I POAS (twice in one day!) and it was BFN. So, I'm still sitting here, waiting for AF to show. If she doesn't show by Friday I'll POAS again. Interestingly, the feeling that she is going to come has just gone away. I don't have any IPS to speak of, just some off and on nausea that is easily controlled by having a snack.

On another note, I turned in my resignation at work today. We are headed back to the desert southwest in a couple weeks. I've spent the last couple days researching how we'll get there, places to live, and day cares for DS. I've narrowed down the search to two places to live and a couple of options for day care. Wish me luck deciding.

Still Waiting

So, I survived the week from hell at work. I have to say, as exciting as it is to have the Blue Angels in town, I can honestly say I'll be glad to have them gone. It's made things crazy at work.

As for my temper tantrum from last week, well, there's been no resolution on that front. I'm no closer to seeing a visit from AF now than I was last Tuesday. I'm going to POAS in the morning. I've about come to terms with the idea of not being PG - and the idea that I just might be PG! I have to say, as much as I really want another baby the thought of being pg while dealing with moving, etc is a little daunting. I'll survive, others have done it so I can too. I may not be sane but I can do it!

Little Green Monster

So the little green monster has reared it's ugly head again. On Monday my sister told me she is pg. She got her BFP that morning. I'm happy for her but so disappointed and sad for myself. I really want to be pg. What a loser, eh? I can't even be truly happy for my sister. It's not like it's another younger cousin or something. What is wrong with me?! God PMS is such a pain in the ass. I know that's what is feeding this - magnifying it so that I become this whiny, miserable excuse for a sister. OK, and the exhaustion of spending all day with very very active 6 and 7 year olds.

Sigh! Time to go hide out and wait for AF to bring sweet relief from this hormonal yuckiness.

Happy and Sad

So, we are back from all the welcome home festivities. We survived the longest 4 days ever! We had a great time but I'm glad to be back "home" and trying to settle into a routine.

The only thing is, I'm not sure what sort of routine we should be settling into. It looks like I'm going to take the PT job in AZ so we can be back by the middle part of August when DH has to be back at work. This is going to be one heck of a couple weeks - keeping my head in my job and arranging for housing and moving our stuff back to AZ.

I'm desparately sad for my friend CK. The optimistic side of me (which is growing smaller by the day) wants to hold out hope that her twins will hang in there but I don't want to seem foolish when all the signs point otherwise. I think I'll go with the hope that a miracle will happen. I know not many of them have happened lately but if anyone deserves to have a miracle touch their lives it's CK and her Beloved.

Waaahhhoooooo!!!!

I know I could have included this in my update but I really wanted to give it it's own post. I'm so freaking excited for my friend CK. Check out her big news!

I've "known" CK since we were both TTC our first children. She was the community leader on our board when I got my BFP with Jack. I didn't really get to know what an amazing woman she is until much later though. If you don't know her story, read her blog. I promise you won't regret it!

And CK, I know the coming months are going to be filled with anxiety for you and your Beloved. Know that we will all be here for you! If you need anything, I'm just an email (or post) away.

Settling In

It's been two days now since DH came home. Things are still working their way back to "normal" - whatever that is. We've got our trip to Las Vegas for the official welcome home this weekend. After that we can work on making plans for the future.

We did talk about what's next and agree that a move back to AZ is what we want. I've got a job interview in AZ on Tuesday so I'm hoping we'll be able to make that move soon!

Right now I'm just enjoying having him home and safe. DS is over the moon having Daddy home.

The hardest thing so far? Learning to share the bed, and the covers, again! LOL!

And yes, the little spat that first night blew over.

Home At Last!

So the good news is that DH is now home!! He arrived safe and sound at his demob site and called me as soon as they got off the plane. What a relief!

Of course, we also had our first fight on the phone during that same conversation. Sigh! It's not a big deal, just wish it had been longer than the first 10 minutes he was here.

So I'm looking forward to actually being able to see him. It may not be until the weekend but I'm hoping that we can arrange to meet this evening.

He's Home

Dad is home! He came home this morning and is doing so much better just being in his house with his things and getting on with his recovery in a more calm atmosphere.

I'm telling you, a hospital is a horrible place to be sick! I thought that my experience when I had DS was unique to the maternity ward (hourly wakings for vitals, etc) but nope!!

So here's to an uninterrupted night of sleep!

Side Effects

Sorry to leave you hanging after my last post. Here's the latest:

The surgery was done in exactly the time the dr said it would be. Dad came thru with flying colors! There was little to no damage to his heart, which is a very good sign. That means he hasn't had any heart attacks that they can see and it also means his recovery should go smoothly.

He's been in the CCU since Friday. He only spent one night in ICU! They've already gotten him up and walking, and have started making plans for him to come home some time tomorrow. Wow! That's fast!

My sister, BIL and I will be moving my dad's bed down to the lower level of the house. It will be easier for him than climbing the stairs all the time, at least until he has more strength. But we're leaving the treadmill in his room so he can use it whenever he wants;-)

An interesting "side effect" is on the relationship (or what there was/is of one) between my dad and mom. They've been divorced for about 5 years now but were separated for several years before that. Until now it's been strained at best whenever we get together for family stuff - weddings, birthdays, etc. On the 4th we went to my sister's for a bbq and I guess my dad, mom and step mother had an interesting conversation. One that ended with them on better terms than before. I hadn't realized that it had even taken place until yesterday when my step mother said something about it.

Here's hoping that this week is the start of a healthy dad, and a healthier family!

Bombshell

So the high I was feeling at my last post has long since faded away - and it's only been a few short days.

Within 48 hrs of my last post we learned that my dad needs to have triple bypass surgery. Talk about a total shock! He's perfectly healthy (aside from a bum knee, chronically sore hip, and diabetes) and not feeling at all like he had heart problems.

The last 48 hrs has been a total whirl wind. Test after test and making arrangements for this and that. It's amazing what you can accomplish in so short a time if you need to. I don't think I've had a chance to process it yet.

So here we sit in the hospital waiting room, anxious for any scrap of information they can give from the operating room, trying not to drive each other crazy.

Did I mention how much I hate hospitals?

It's July - Finally!!!

Now normally the beginning of a two month stretch with only one holiday and super hot weather does not elicit joy in my heart. I am, after all, a heat wimp disliking temps much above 80 degrees. However this year will be an exception. DH is due home in a few weeks and it can't go by soon enough.

But I would be lying if I didn't say I didn't have some fear about him coming home. It's the same old stuff I think I blogged about before - how will he fit back into our routine, how will we have to change our routine, etc?

Ok, I just need to take a deep breath and focus on one thing at a time. Let's start with finding a job in AZ...

Note to Self

When trying to be sexy riding on the back of your boyfriend/husband's motorcycle, don't wear skin tight low rise pants and a short waisted leather coat. Stuffed sausage legs and plumber's crack are not the least bit attractive!

Happy Father's Day!!

To my DH, I wish you were here to see how much your little guy is like you. It amazes me! We both miss you so much and can't wait until you are home. Just a few more weeks!!

To my Dad, thank you for being such a wonderful person. We may not see eye to eye on alot of things but you have been a great support to me through out my life, and also for my DS.

To my father-in-law, thank you for being a wonderful dad to DH. You did a wonderful job raising him to be the man his is.

To my grandfathers, you both are such an inspiration to me. I miss you both every day and I wish you could have met DH and DS. I know you would be proud of them both.

To all the Dads out there, I wish you a day of peace and love.

Honoring Sacrifice

There is a discussion taking place locally that I think is important. I'm not sure where I come down on this issue because I can easily see both sides.

Our local Army base has a number of soldiers serving in Operation Iraqi Freedom and in Afghanistan. Like many other units, sadly, they have been taking casualties. It's been an all too frequent occurance for a memorial service to be scheduled seemingly every day.

Recently, the commanding officer has decided that the base will hold one memorial service per month honoring all the soldiers who were KIA the previous month. His reasoning is that it's hard on morale and so many people are attending memorial services that it is cutting into productivity. It's not like we are talking one or two a month - we are talking three, four, sometimes more a week!

You can imagine how this decision was received by families, the soldiers, and the public. There has been an outcry that it is unfair to the families and disrespectful of the sacrifice made by each of the soldiers who have died and the soldiers who served with them.

I'm just not sure how I feel about this. Like I said, I understand the commander's position. He is trying to balance the need for closure and to honor the fallen soldiers with the need to keep the base operating. But, as an Army wife I can understand the families position. You want your loved one honored but not in an assembly line, cookie cutter fashion.