Up to Me

So, DH and I had a not so long conversation the day before yesterday about whether or not to continue TTC. Basically he's left it all up to me to decide if/when I've had enough. Of course, it's kind of hard to really talk when you are sitting in a bar with a bunch of people sitting around you listening to all the conversations in the immediate area. Sigh!

I'm leaning toward just relaxing and letting whatever happens happen for now. If DH is home at the right time this cycle then great, if not then maybe next cycle, or in the spring when he's home for R&R. Once he gets home then we can revisit the conversation if we need to.

Here is the conversation that goes on in my brain...I know that many women have gotten pg and had perfectly healthy babies after 40. I just can't help but feel like we are pushing our luck though. I mean, after the last m/c and all the drama that went along with that can I really go thru it again if something goes wrong? And I'd have to do it w/o DH...

OK, so I'm pretty much ready to be committed now. The only question is, do they have those cute little white coats in my size?

Moving Right Along

Wow! We have a house! This was taken on 8/7. The house next to us, that you can sort of see, was started about 2 weeks before ours. I'm so flocking excited:-)

Sorry the quality of the pic isn't that great. I forgot my digital camera so had to use my phone.

Almost 40

Yup, believe it or not, I'm almost 40. Normally birthdays don't mean much to me. It's just a number after all, right? But this year it's more than that - it's the end of my time TTC another child. And I'm not sure I can stick to my resolution to move on once Dec 20 rolls around.

After all, it's not like we've had all of the last 5 years to continuously try for another baby. And it's not like we'll have the next 4 mos to keep trying. DH is starting his training this month and, while he'll be in the same state he'll be gone more than he'll be home. I can't count on him being here "when it's time", kwim?

I can't help feeling gyped! It's not fair that I don't get that time! It's not fair! It's not fair!

And in the back of my mind I keep thinking, if I bend my "rule" a little and we let ourselves slide one more year then we'll at least have DH's R&R (possibly) and the 3 mos once he gets back to try.

But do I really want to run that risk? Who's to say that my body hasn't already started shutting down the baby factory?! Look what has happened already this year. And how am I ever going to apologize to my DS for not being able to give him the little brother he wants.