I've decided that DS and I will be getting out to hike at least 2 times a month. The park system around here is pretty good and they have ranger led hikes that are tailored to kids DS's age. Tonight we went on a night hike. I was worried DS wouldn't make it because he was so tired. I'm glad he did because it was a beautiful night for hiking! The sky was clear and the stars were so bright! Just amazing!
I love hiking and have not been able to get out to do much the last few years. I got started back in college (the first time around) when I worked at a summer camp. I'm hoping DS will develope a love for it too!
OK, time to quit wasting time online and get some bills paid...
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Cleaning
I got the carpets cleaned on Saturday! It was not as difficult as I anticipated, mostly because I cleaned around the big furniture instead of moving it, lol. Lazy I know but I don't have help to move the big stuff.
On the TTC front I got some not so great news from DH. It seems that one of the "side effects" of the surgery he had done is (drum roll please!) not being able to produce sperm on that side! Yup, and of course he just kind of casually mentioned it in the middle of a conversation like he was telling me what he had for lunch. Oh, yes, I was not a happy camper. Like we don't have enough challenges now we have this. We don't know for sure that that happened but with my luck it did.
Supposedly the Army/VA will "help", though I'm not sure what he means by that - if it's just with fertility testing or if they will go farther and help with AI. And I'm not sure I WANT to go that route. I have enough trouble with the hormones I have, thank you very much, I can't imagine adding more. So, like everything else these days, we just have to wait and see.
On the TTC front I got some not so great news from DH. It seems that one of the "side effects" of the surgery he had done is (drum roll please!) not being able to produce sperm on that side! Yup, and of course he just kind of casually mentioned it in the middle of a conversation like he was telling me what he had for lunch. Oh, yes, I was not a happy camper. Like we don't have enough challenges now we have this. We don't know for sure that that happened but with my luck it did.
Supposedly the Army/VA will "help", though I'm not sure what he means by that - if it's just with fertility testing or if they will go farther and help with AI. And I'm not sure I WANT to go that route. I have enough trouble with the hormones I have, thank you very much, I can't imagine adding more. So, like everything else these days, we just have to wait and see.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Moving On
Well, it's been a couple of weeks and we are doing our best to move on. We've started to really clean up the house so we can think about bringing home a new fur baby in a few weeks. DS is finally understanding that Scruffy won't be coming home. He was very confused at first. We do talk about it when he wants to. The other day he told me he didn't want our new puppy to go to the dr because he wanted it to come home. Sigh! I had to remind him that drs are a good thing (for the most part) and that the dr was not why Scruffy couldn't come home.
I still need to steam clean the carpet in just about every room in the house but it will be worth it to know that the virus is gone. That is the plan for the long weekend. Then we just need to give it a few more weeks and we can start looking for a new friend for DS.
He starts Tball in a few weeks too! We signed up on Saturday. Both of us are very excited:-) I'll post a pic once he gets out on the field.
I still need to steam clean the carpet in just about every room in the house but it will be worth it to know that the virus is gone. That is the plan for the long weekend. Then we just need to give it a few more weeks and we can start looking for a new friend for DS.
He starts Tball in a few weeks too! We signed up on Saturday. Both of us are very excited:-) I'll post a pic once he gets out on the field.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
In memory of Scruffy, who was in our home for a week and will be in our hearts forever.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
In memory of Scruffy, who was in our home for a week and will be in our hearts forever.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Post Christmas blahs
I've got a touch of the post Christmas blahs. It's normal for me so I'm not worried.
We did get a dog last weekend! He's the cutest little guy, estimated at about 8 or 9 mos old. He's a beagle/schnauzer mix, or so they think. DS loves him! His name is Scruffy.
Poor Scruffy has been feeling a little under the weather the last couple days. We think he's got Kennel Cough and the vet gave us some meds for him. He's now giving me a hard time about taking the pills so he's feeling better, though not 100%. The coughing is much less than it was too. I feel so bad for him as I know he's not comfortable!
In other news, DH is having the cyst removed tomorrow. I wish I could be there with him. I'm very nervous for him. He agreed to ask them to biopsy it, which is good. Part of me can't help wondering if this might be the reason we've had trouble getting pg the last year or so. Guess we'll have our answers soon enough.
We did get a dog last weekend! He's the cutest little guy, estimated at about 8 or 9 mos old. He's a beagle/schnauzer mix, or so they think. DS loves him! His name is Scruffy.
Poor Scruffy has been feeling a little under the weather the last couple days. We think he's got Kennel Cough and the vet gave us some meds for him. He's now giving me a hard time about taking the pills so he's feeling better, though not 100%. The coughing is much less than it was too. I feel so bad for him as I know he's not comfortable!
In other news, DH is having the cyst removed tomorrow. I wish I could be there with him. I'm very nervous for him. He agreed to ask them to biopsy it, which is good. Part of me can't help wondering if this might be the reason we've had trouble getting pg the last year or so. Guess we'll have our answers soon enough.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
200 Posts Prove My Insanity
I just realized that this is my 200th post! OMG, how on earth did I do that?! I've never been one for "journaling", though I've tried on a number of occasions. I guess because this doesn't really seem like journaling.
Anyway, there's not much new going on here lately. Just trudging along and counting the days til DH comes home. I'm actually glad I have this place because there is something DH told me that has me a little worried. He'd kill me for putting this out there but it's not exactly something you can talk about with family, iykwim.
He went to the "clinic" the other day because he's having pain in his back that is radiating from his testicle. He's always had this "bump" and has had it checked several times and each time the dr has said, it's just a cyst. So I guess the pain got to be too much for him over the last couple weeks and he finally went in. They did an ultrasound and the tech said it's "just a cyst" but they are going to send him to another medical facility to have it removed. He didn't know whether they were going to have it biopsied - I want him to request it to be sure we aren't dealing with something more serious. Whether he will or not is another story. Sigh!
DS is very excited for Christmas. I'm seriously thinking about getting a dog(yes I'm crazy that way). My husband has a "thing". Life doesn't get much better than this....
Anyway, there's not much new going on here lately. Just trudging along and counting the days til DH comes home. I'm actually glad I have this place because there is something DH told me that has me a little worried. He'd kill me for putting this out there but it's not exactly something you can talk about with family, iykwim.
He went to the "clinic" the other day because he's having pain in his back that is radiating from his testicle. He's always had this "bump" and has had it checked several times and each time the dr has said, it's just a cyst. So I guess the pain got to be too much for him over the last couple weeks and he finally went in. They did an ultrasound and the tech said it's "just a cyst" but they are going to send him to another medical facility to have it removed. He didn't know whether they were going to have it biopsied - I want him to request it to be sure we aren't dealing with something more serious. Whether he will or not is another story. Sigh!
DS is very excited for Christmas. I'm seriously thinking about getting a dog(yes I'm crazy that way). My husband has a "thing". Life doesn't get much better than this....
Monday, December 01, 2008
5 Years Ago Today
I was sitting in a hospital bed in L&D anxiously awaiting the arrival of my DS. I was up most of the night but in very little pain thanks to the epi:-)
Tonight I'm up again and DS is right next to me after kind of a rough night. Not sick just not sleeping well.
I'm so lucky to be his mommy. Thank you for choosing me to be your Mommy my little angel boy.
Tonight I'm up again and DS is right next to me after kind of a rough night. Not sick just not sleeping well.
I'm so lucky to be his mommy. Thank you for choosing me to be your Mommy my little angel boy.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving!
There's so much to be thankful for this past year I don't know where to start so I'll just list a few things...
DS is almost 5 and the sweetest little boy. He's happy and healthy, what more could I wish for.
My DH is safe despite having to deal with PTSD, difficult work conditions and being sent back into a war zone.
We have a beautiful new home despite the econonmic difficulties going on right now.
Now if I could only get some sleep.....
DS is almost 5 and the sweetest little boy. He's happy and healthy, what more could I wish for.
My DH is safe despite having to deal with PTSD, difficult work conditions and being sent back into a war zone.
We have a beautiful new home despite the econonmic difficulties going on right now.
Now if I could only get some sleep.....
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Randomness
There has been so much going on the last 4 weeks that time has completely gone past me!
We've been in our house for a month now. A MONTH! I can't believe it. I do have pics but need to find the cable to get them downloaded. I promise I will look for it this weekend:-)
DH has come and gone, and gone. He's somewhere between the east coast of the US and the Middle East as we speak. The Army did let him come home for a few days last week and it was wonderful! DS was so happy to see him and spent the entire time following him like a little shadow. I wish there was a way to make this easier on him.
Work is work. I'm not so overwhelmed as I was but it's always something new every day.
So, nothing "exciting" happening, just plodding along and getting thru each day. Now if I can just shake this cold DH left behind....
We've been in our house for a month now. A MONTH! I can't believe it. I do have pics but need to find the cable to get them downloaded. I promise I will look for it this weekend:-)
DH has come and gone, and gone. He's somewhere between the east coast of the US and the Middle East as we speak. The Army did let him come home for a few days last week and it was wonderful! DS was so happy to see him and spent the entire time following him like a little shadow. I wish there was a way to make this easier on him.
Work is work. I'm not so overwhelmed as I was but it's always something new every day.
So, nothing "exciting" happening, just plodding along and getting thru each day. Now if I can just shake this cold DH left behind....
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Remembering
To my angels...I miss you and love you with all my heart. I will always wonder who you would have become if you'd stayed with us.
I'm thinking of all those who have lost their babies to miscarriage or after their birth.
I'm thinking of all those who have lost their babies to miscarriage or after their birth.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
It's Been How Long?!
OMG! I can't believe it's been a month since my last post - a very busy month. Let's see...
DH is now at his training post on the east coast. He's been gone for a little over a week now and it's been tough. DS is missing Daddy very much, as am I. We did have a "romantic" get away weekend before he left. We got a hotel room for Fri and Sat night and scheduled some family time as well as spending some time together before he left. It was nice.
The new job is going well, keeping me very busy. I've learned so much I've got information leaking out of my ears!
I suppose part of the reason I've kept so busy lately is because I should be welcoming home a new little baby and getting adjusted to having two kids. My due date with my last pg was the 20th of Sept. Instead I'm trying very hard not to dwell on what should be and focus on the good in our lives. It doesn't help that DS has developed a fascination with babies lately.
I'm going to admit to doing something many people will consider foolish but it really did help me feel better. There is a man named James VanPraagh who is a "psychic" I've followed for many years. He's best known for communicating with those who have crossed over. If you are a fan of the tv show Ghost Whisperer you know who I'm talking about (it's based on his work). Anyway, he was on the radio a couple weeks ago with some local personalities and I managed to call in and talk to him. He said he felt I would be pg again. I know some would say it's false hope but it really did help me reaffirm my decision to just let things happen this year and see where we end up.
The final piece of good news is about our house. We got final approval on our loan and will be closing on the 16th of the month! I'm so freaking excited!! What a load off my mind about that as well. I promise to post some pics this weekend.
DH is now at his training post on the east coast. He's been gone for a little over a week now and it's been tough. DS is missing Daddy very much, as am I. We did have a "romantic" get away weekend before he left. We got a hotel room for Fri and Sat night and scheduled some family time as well as spending some time together before he left. It was nice.
The new job is going well, keeping me very busy. I've learned so much I've got information leaking out of my ears!
I suppose part of the reason I've kept so busy lately is because I should be welcoming home a new little baby and getting adjusted to having two kids. My due date with my last pg was the 20th of Sept. Instead I'm trying very hard not to dwell on what should be and focus on the good in our lives. It doesn't help that DS has developed a fascination with babies lately.
I'm going to admit to doing something many people will consider foolish but it really did help me feel better. There is a man named James VanPraagh who is a "psychic" I've followed for many years. He's best known for communicating with those who have crossed over. If you are a fan of the tv show Ghost Whisperer you know who I'm talking about (it's based on his work). Anyway, he was on the radio a couple weeks ago with some local personalities and I managed to call in and talk to him. He said he felt I would be pg again. I know some would say it's false hope but it really did help me reaffirm my decision to just let things happen this year and see where we end up.
The final piece of good news is about our house. We got final approval on our loan and will be closing on the 16th of the month! I'm so freaking excited!! What a load off my mind about that as well. I promise to post some pics this weekend.
Monday, September 08, 2008
Reflecting
It's amazing how easy it is to drop out of touch with friends, at least for me. I had a great conversation with one of my sisters today - one I haven't talked to since before Christmas. I love her, we just have very busy lives these days and I haven't had a chance to spend time with her in a while. She's got a very energetic 2yo and I've had a very busy schedule this past year.
Amazingly we ended up talking for almost an hour today! She and her husband have been going thru some TTC "stuff" and we commiserated. It felt good and helped me actually vocalize what I've been thinking - I'm going to just let things unfold this year and re-evaluate our situation once DH gets home next fall.
As for the new job, it's keeping me busy! I can't take my cell phone in (security reasons) and can't get online while at work (again security) but that's ok. There is so much work to do and stuff to learn that there is no way I'd have time for playing on the boards. It's very interesting work and I'm learning so much. By the end of the day I feel like I'm leaking information out my ears! LOL!
Amazingly we ended up talking for almost an hour today! She and her husband have been going thru some TTC "stuff" and we commiserated. It felt good and helped me actually vocalize what I've been thinking - I'm going to just let things unfold this year and re-evaluate our situation once DH gets home next fall.
As for the new job, it's keeping me busy! I can't take my cell phone in (security reasons) and can't get online while at work (again security) but that's ok. There is so much work to do and stuff to learn that there is no way I'd have time for playing on the boards. It's very interesting work and I'm learning so much. By the end of the day I feel like I'm leaking information out my ears! LOL!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Up to Me
So, DH and I had a not so long conversation the day before yesterday about whether or not to continue TTC. Basically he's left it all up to me to decide if/when I've had enough. Of course, it's kind of hard to really talk when you are sitting in a bar with a bunch of people sitting around you listening to all the conversations in the immediate area. Sigh!
I'm leaning toward just relaxing and letting whatever happens happen for now. If DH is home at the right time this cycle then great, if not then maybe next cycle, or in the spring when he's home for R&R. Once he gets home then we can revisit the conversation if we need to.
Here is the conversation that goes on in my brain...I know that many women have gotten pg and had perfectly healthy babies after 40. I just can't help but feel like we are pushing our luck though. I mean, after the last m/c and all the drama that went along with that can I really go thru it again if something goes wrong? And I'd have to do it w/o DH...
OK, so I'm pretty much ready to be committed now. The only question is, do they have those cute little white coats in my size?
I'm leaning toward just relaxing and letting whatever happens happen for now. If DH is home at the right time this cycle then great, if not then maybe next cycle, or in the spring when he's home for R&R. Once he gets home then we can revisit the conversation if we need to.
Here is the conversation that goes on in my brain...I know that many women have gotten pg and had perfectly healthy babies after 40. I just can't help but feel like we are pushing our luck though. I mean, after the last m/c and all the drama that went along with that can I really go thru it again if something goes wrong? And I'd have to do it w/o DH...
OK, so I'm pretty much ready to be committed now. The only question is, do they have those cute little white coats in my size?
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Moving Right Along
Wow! We have a house! This was taken on 8/7. The house next to us, that you can sort of see, was started about 2 weeks before ours. I'm so flocking excited:-)
Sorry the quality of the pic isn't that great. I forgot my digital camera so had to use my phone.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Almost 40
Yup, believe it or not, I'm almost 40. Normally birthdays don't mean much to me. It's just a number after all, right? But this year it's more than that - it's the end of my time TTC another child. And I'm not sure I can stick to my resolution to move on once Dec 20 rolls around.
After all, it's not like we've had all of the last 5 years to continuously try for another baby. And it's not like we'll have the next 4 mos to keep trying. DH is starting his training this month and, while he'll be in the same state he'll be gone more than he'll be home. I can't count on him being here "when it's time", kwim?
I can't help feeling gyped! It's not fair that I don't get that time! It's not fair! It's not fair!
And in the back of my mind I keep thinking, if I bend my "rule" a little and we let ourselves slide one more year then we'll at least have DH's R&R (possibly) and the 3 mos once he gets back to try.
But do I really want to run that risk? Who's to say that my body hasn't already started shutting down the baby factory?! Look what has happened already this year. And how am I ever going to apologize to my DS for not being able to give him the little brother he wants.
After all, it's not like we've had all of the last 5 years to continuously try for another baby. And it's not like we'll have the next 4 mos to keep trying. DH is starting his training this month and, while he'll be in the same state he'll be gone more than he'll be home. I can't count on him being here "when it's time", kwim?
I can't help feeling gyped! It's not fair that I don't get that time! It's not fair! It's not fair!
And in the back of my mind I keep thinking, if I bend my "rule" a little and we let ourselves slide one more year then we'll at least have DH's R&R (possibly) and the 3 mos once he gets back to try.
But do I really want to run that risk? Who's to say that my body hasn't already started shutting down the baby factory?! Look what has happened already this year. And how am I ever going to apologize to my DS for not being able to give him the little brother he wants.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Foundation
So we almost have a foundation now! We stopped by to show my SIL and BIL the dirt and were shocked to see that the houses next to us on both sides have almost been completely framed out! The lot directly next to us has also been sold and we were happy to find out it is a single story as well. Woohoo!!!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
House Update and More
So, we got our permits back about a week ago. Now we are waiting for construction to begin! DH drove by on Saturday and said they had staked out the foundation, but didn't take any pics. My SIL is coming in on Friday so I'm sure we'll be taking a trip out on Saturday to see the house so I'll get pics then;-)
Last weekend was a little overwhelming for me. DH had his last drill weekend before they begin training for the deployment. DS and I went on Sunday because they were doing family briefings on what we need to get done and what is going to happen. Not much in the way of solid dates, etc yet. So much paperwork to do! And of course it was pretty emotional too. I didn't let DH see me cry though. I'm so nervous about this, even though we've done this before.
I could use some "find a new full time job quickly" vibes. I really would like to get a straight out full time job. As much as I love working at the zoo, working two jobs has been tough. I think my body has finally said ENOUGH because I've now got a horrible head cold.
Last weekend was a little overwhelming for me. DH had his last drill weekend before they begin training for the deployment. DS and I went on Sunday because they were doing family briefings on what we need to get done and what is going to happen. Not much in the way of solid dates, etc yet. So much paperwork to do! And of course it was pretty emotional too. I didn't let DH see me cry though. I'm so nervous about this, even though we've done this before.
I could use some "find a new full time job quickly" vibes. I really would like to get a straight out full time job. As much as I love working at the zoo, working two jobs has been tough. I think my body has finally said ENOUGH because I've now got a horrible head cold.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Our Dirt
We did decide to go with the new build house. We signed the contract on Saturday and hopefully the permits will be done quickly. It's been averaging 28 days - not too bad but we'd like to get going ASAP.
So, here's our dirt! The houses behind the fence are on the other side of the street and there are no houses going to be built right in front of us as there's a common area. We got a pretty good lot! I'll bore you with update pics as the building process goes along;-)
So, here's our dirt! The houses behind the fence are on the other side of the street and there are no houses going to be built right in front of us as there's a common area. We got a pretty good lot! I'll bore you with update pics as the building process goes along;-)
Thursday, June 26, 2008
House Update and More
My mom has now moved in with us. This is in prep for DH leaving. She will be staying with us until he gets back, most likely. It's all good. We get along well and it will be nice to have some help with DS while DH is gone. All the Army's plans still call for him to be overseas by mid to late Oct.
As for the house, well, we still haven't found a re-sell house that we like. We thought about bidding on one of the ones from the week before last but it was going to end up out of our price range.
So, we took a look at some new build houses. I was very impressed and we will most likely go that route. The only down side is going to be that the house won't be ready til Oct at the earliest. Sigh! DH will be long gone and we'll have to hire a mover to help with the big stuff.
As for the house, well, we still haven't found a re-sell house that we like. We thought about bidding on one of the ones from the week before last but it was going to end up out of our price range.
So, we took a look at some new build houses. I was very impressed and we will most likely go that route. The only down side is going to be that the house won't be ready til Oct at the earliest. Sigh! DH will be long gone and we'll have to hire a mover to help with the big stuff.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Venting
Why is it that men are so dense? I mean seriously! I really wish we were like some species in the animal kingdom that can reproduce without actually needing the help of a male. Then I wouldn't be subject to the "I'm tired" and "You never want to when I want to" bull shit.
So today, well technically yesterday, I was going to get the bd fest going. It's kind of hard to do when your 4yo decides to fight going to sleep but I waited patiently until DH was done being suckered into one more story.
Finally, when DS had calmed down enough to even think about any bding, DH decides that he is more interested in working on the computer. What the hell?! And, the best part, he actually said "How come you only want to when it's time to ovulate and not when I want to?" Oh....my....God! So that effectively ended that! I was so pissed I said fine, whatever, and went to bed.
To answer your question, dumbass, it's not that it's never when you want to, it's that you are too tired, or it's the wrong time of day (?!), or the idea of being pawed at when you decide to come stumbling to bed at 4am and I have to be up at 6am for work just isn't going to cut it! I just want to scream!
And, so now I'm up at 3am with O pains, knowing that my sisters and my mother will be decending on us starting tomorrow and no chance in sight for this cycle. Not even an outside chance.
Just fucking great! This leaves us one cycle left before DH is deployed. Sigh! I'm less and less hopeful that baby number 2 is going to happen.
So today, well technically yesterday, I was going to get the bd fest going. It's kind of hard to do when your 4yo decides to fight going to sleep but I waited patiently until DH was done being suckered into one more story.
Finally, when DS had calmed down enough to even think about any bding, DH decides that he is more interested in working on the computer. What the hell?! And, the best part, he actually said "How come you only want to when it's time to ovulate and not when I want to?" Oh....my....God! So that effectively ended that! I was so pissed I said fine, whatever, and went to bed.
To answer your question, dumbass, it's not that it's never when you want to, it's that you are too tired, or it's the wrong time of day (?!), or the idea of being pawed at when you decide to come stumbling to bed at 4am and I have to be up at 6am for work just isn't going to cut it! I just want to scream!
And, so now I'm up at 3am with O pains, knowing that my sisters and my mother will be decending on us starting tomorrow and no chance in sight for this cycle. Not even an outside chance.
Just fucking great! This leaves us one cycle left before DH is deployed. Sigh! I'm less and less hopeful that baby number 2 is going to happen.
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