It's July - Finally!!!

Now normally the beginning of a two month stretch with only one holiday and super hot weather does not elicit joy in my heart. I am, after all, a heat wimp disliking temps much above 80 degrees. However this year will be an exception. DH is due home in a few weeks and it can't go by soon enough.

But I would be lying if I didn't say I didn't have some fear about him coming home. It's the same old stuff I think I blogged about before - how will he fit back into our routine, how will we have to change our routine, etc?

Ok, I just need to take a deep breath and focus on one thing at a time. Let's start with finding a job in AZ...

Note to Self

When trying to be sexy riding on the back of your boyfriend/husband's motorcycle, don't wear skin tight low rise pants and a short waisted leather coat. Stuffed sausage legs and plumber's crack are not the least bit attractive!

Happy Father's Day!!

To my DH, I wish you were here to see how much your little guy is like you. It amazes me! We both miss you so much and can't wait until you are home. Just a few more weeks!!

To my Dad, thank you for being such a wonderful person. We may not see eye to eye on alot of things but you have been a great support to me through out my life, and also for my DS.

To my father-in-law, thank you for being a wonderful dad to DH. You did a wonderful job raising him to be the man his is.

To my grandfathers, you both are such an inspiration to me. I miss you both every day and I wish you could have met DH and DS. I know you would be proud of them both.

To all the Dads out there, I wish you a day of peace and love.

Honoring Sacrifice

There is a discussion taking place locally that I think is important. I'm not sure where I come down on this issue because I can easily see both sides.

Our local Army base has a number of soldiers serving in Operation Iraqi Freedom and in Afghanistan. Like many other units, sadly, they have been taking casualties. It's been an all too frequent occurance for a memorial service to be scheduled seemingly every day.

Recently, the commanding officer has decided that the base will hold one memorial service per month honoring all the soldiers who were KIA the previous month. His reasoning is that it's hard on morale and so many people are attending memorial services that it is cutting into productivity. It's not like we are talking one or two a month - we are talking three, four, sometimes more a week!

You can imagine how this decision was received by families, the soldiers, and the public. There has been an outcry that it is unfair to the families and disrespectful of the sacrifice made by each of the soldiers who have died and the soldiers who served with them.

I'm just not sure how I feel about this. Like I said, I understand the commander's position. He is trying to balance the need for closure and to honor the fallen soldiers with the need to keep the base operating. But, as an Army wife I can understand the families position. You want your loved one honored but not in an assembly line, cookie cutter fashion.

My Soap Box

OK, I have to rant about this for a minute. It's about work - more or less - so you can skip it if you want. Then again, you might just want to read on...

Why, oh why, do parents insist on not taking responsibility for their children?! Or adults for themselves for that matter! Seriously, is it so hard for you to work with your children so they understand what is, and is not, acceptable behavior in public?

As a parent I'm fully aware of what my child is doing at all times, most especially in public. When we are out at the mall, or a museum, or theatre, or church, I expect him to behave a certain way. Now I do realize DS is 3.5 so he's going to make some questionable choices - throwing his leg over the back of the pew in church and riding it like a horse comes to mind. But it's up to me, his parent, to guide him and tell him that's not acceptable behavior. Not a docent, not an usher, or any other employee of the establishment I'm visiting.

So my question is, why do some parents find it so difficult to monitor their child(ren) in public? I work in a museum. No, it's not an art museum but our collection is pretty valuable and unique. The whole purpose for a museum is to preserve and protect the artifacts in the collection. Just because we do not have everything under glass does NOT mean people, or their children, should feel free to climb all over the artifacts! And can I mention here the serious lack of judgement in hoisting your child thru the air intake of a jet engine so they can crawl up into an aircraft?!

Now you see my frustration here. Its a fine line we are walking here. You want the visitor to enjoy their time here but you want them to have some respect for the artifacts.

Babies Everywhere

This past Sunday was a true test of my resolve to not let my frustration get the better of me. I'm pleased to say I made it thru an entire day with talk of babies swirling around me and only had to excuse myself once!

DS and I met up with my sisters and cousins and all the kids for a fun filled day at the nature park near here. It's one of those places where you ride the tram thru the park and hope to see one animal during the ride. We got very lucky and managed to see buffalo, deer, elk, moose, mountain goats, big horn sheep and many, many ducks. We even caught a glimps of the new baby moose in the herd, something that, aparently, is pretty hard to do.

All in all it was a nice day, though the weather could have cooperated a little more. We got rained on through out our visit. It's a good thing we weren't there to impress anybody! We looked like drowned rats, lol.

Oh, and I am starting to feel human again. This cold really knocked me out more than I thought.

My biggest frustration of the week so far? The Army once again shows that they don't know what the hell is going on most of the time. In the last two weeks I've gotten two different stories about where DH's demobilization is going to take place. Not that I should really take either one of them seriously. We are still too far out to really know for certain what is going to happen and when.

Patience

So, yeah, I'm still whining about my cousins being pg. But in all fairness, it's mostly PMS related. And really it's only in my head, and here where I feel relatively safe because I know the people who read this understand the frustration to one extent or another. In all honesty, I am happy for both cousins. Happy and envious. I'm going to allow myself that feeling too. If I don't I will be overwhelmed by it.

The fact that I've now caught DS's cold is not helping matters. We've had a rough sleep week, generally speaking, and the weather has gone back to cold and grey so that, on top of work stress, is making this one rough week! The best thing about this week? It's going by quickly!

No word yet on the job I applied for back in AZ. I was kind of hoping I would have heard from them by now. It's been 2 weeks come Friday. I know they are slow in HR but seriously, 2 weeks?! As you may have guessed by now, patience is not really a strong point of mine;-)

Speaking of patience...DS's new thing is to tell me "Be patient Mommy!" It's totally cute, and frustrating at the same time. The only time he dawdles is when we are in a hurry, of course.

Only One With a Black Eye Now

So maybe it's PMS, or maybe it's fatigue, or maybe it's both. Whatever it is, there is no kick in the stomach like the one you get from someone who sends you an email shouting that they are pregnant.

Yup! You read that right. Yet another cousin, another younger cousin, is pg. And joy of joys, she some how thinks it's twins. The promise of email updates is just keeping me on the edge of my keyboard.

I just want to burst into tears right now. The frustration is overwhelming. Really overwhelming. I'm so scared that we won't be successful when DH gets home.

I'm also scared that the last few weeks DH is overseas will end up with him, or someone from his unit, getting seriously hurt. It seems like many injuries, or deaths, happen during the weeks leading up to the guys return home. Not sure why that is but I'd feel much better if I knew for sure they were not doing any more runs. The less time he spends on the road the more likely the chance he'll come home safely.

On the bright side, DS's eye is back to normal. His scratch is barely visible and the bruising and swelling is completely gone.

A Black Eye

Last week was a rough week for my poor DS. He had a little run in with a dump truck at school. He and his little buddy decided to play with the truck on the slide. When his friend sent it down the slide, DS didn't move fast enough (or maybe at all!) and the truck hit him in the side of his face near his eye. He's fine! He got a scratch and, eventually, a black eye. But he didn't cry or anything! My tough little guy.

It does look like DH will be home in July. I still don't have a date yet. I'm so excited! As soon as he gets home we are going to be able to start TTC again. I can't tell you how ready I am to have him home so we can get back to our lives!

It's funny how you react to the news someone you know is pg. Yesterday my sister was checking her email and read that one of our cousins is pg. My sister is very excited and happy. I, on the other hand, was devistated. My first reaction was, is she crazy?! She's too young, it's a bad idea. She's already got a 2yo son, and no, she's not really too young. She's got a job, her husband has a job, they have a house, all the things you're supposed to have. My reaction was purely related to my inabilty to get pg over the last 18 mos or so. It's dumb, and not fair to her. I haven't responded to her email yet. I need to. I just don't want to really deal with the pretend excitement I will end up having to portray.

It feels like both DS and I got a black eye this week...

Still Here

I don't really have alot to say. That's not true, I have alot to say but I fear it would bore most people to tears. I just didn't want anyone who might still be reading this to think I've abandoned you;-)

And so I'll just close this post and head for bed. Morning will be here before I know it. It's been a long week and tomorrow promises to be a busy day.

Time is Getting Short

I can't believe it's been so long since my last post. Life has been moving in fast forward and I feel like I'm just hanging on sometimes.

DS is doing wonderfully. He's become quite the little person lately. Some days I love it and some days it drives me batty! But we get thru it.

The happy realization this week has been that DH is going to be home by the end of July. We still don't have a firm date yet. I'm a little nervous about what life will be like once he's home. The adjustment is going to be difficult. I know we'll get thru it, but its the anxiety of the unknown that makes me nervous.

A Difficult Week

The last week has been difficult on a couple of different fronts. Work has been stressful, mostly because Tuesday was the day from hell. Everything that could go wrong did - in one day. We did manage to survive and the week slowly improved though I was exhaused by the end of the day yesterday. This adjusted work week is not fun and I can't wait until it's over. 4 more weeks...

I've also been thinking alot about what happened at VA Tech. I've watched the news coverage, read the news articles and the stories of the victims, and I find myself just so very sad. Not only sad for the families of the victims but sad for the person who did the killing. I know it's not a very popular sentiment but I can't help it. As one who has suffered the darkness of depression, I can't help but wonder - how does a person get to that level? how does a family not see that the person is sinking that deeply into depression and mental illness? And how can I keep that from happening to my child?

I have to admit, I dread when DS starts going to school. He's a very sensitive child and I wonder how will he handle the teasing? Will he be strong enough to withstand the inevitable childhood ribbing and whatever bullies come with grade school and middle school? Will he resist becoming one of those boys who teases and bullies? It frightens me every time I hear stories about how cruel kids are to each other. Add to this the fear that he will fall prey to the darkness and it gets overwhelming fast.

So the mother in me is just so sad for the children that were lost on Monday, all of them. The children who had grown up to make a difference in their student's lives as wonderful professors, the children who had such promise as young adults - promise that must now go unfulfilled, and the child it seems felt unnoticed and on the fringes of life. And I cry for them all.

That Didn't Last Long

More good news from our fearless leader in D.C. The prospect of DH having to spend any additional time beyond his 12 mos overseas is not, I repeat NOT, sitting well. Sigh! And I don't know which news report to believe. Some say ARNG is included in this and some say ARNG is not included.

And still we wait for straight answers.

Good Times

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter weekend. DS and I went to visit the IL. It was a great time! Lots of baby animals and DS enjoyed playing with them. This is the first visit where DS actually wanted to hold the animals and pet them. He even tolerated the dogs! By the end of the first full day he was yelling "Get down!" at them like the rest of us, lol.

I just wish DH had been there. He would have gotten a kick out of DS milking the goats and chasing them across the field. The best, though, was the mile wide smile as DS drove the tractor around the field.

And now we are back home and having to get back to reality. Sigh! The next few weeks are full and will hopefully pass quickly.

Out To Lunch

So today I was invited to go to lunch with some of my co-workers. It was fun to be able to talk with them "outside" work. And lunch was pretty good too.

I highly recommend you check out Costco's menu. Seriously! No, I don't mean the samples they have at the end of every aisle (though that's a thought). The food is good and the prices are better. Seriously, where else can you get a hugemongous piece of pizza and a soda for under $3?!

Happiness Is...

Getting to see pictures of a friend (and ex-lover) and discovering that you are not the only one who has put on weight since college.

;-)

Break Time

I'm very much looking forward to visiting my inlaws next week. I know...call me crazy. But I really do get along pretty well with my MIL. It will be an interesting visit because it will be the first time I've been there without DH. I'm taking DS to see them. We try and go this time every year, along with either Thanksgiving or Christmas.

The other reason I'm looking forward to this visit is it will give me, and my "housemates" a much needed break from each other. It's been a rough couple weeks and the return of the lousy weather hasn't helped.

I'm trying not to dwell on things not under my control. I can't change someone who has been the way she is for 50+ years. I can only make things better for DS and that is going to be my focus.

It's All About the Weather

I think spring is finally trying to come to the Pacific Northwest. We've had some interesting weather the last couple of weeks but the last few days have been pretty wonderful. Yesterday we even broke the 70 degree mark!

I can't begin to tell you how glad I am that the weather is turning nicer and the days are getting longer. I believe that I suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) though I've never been officially diagnosed. In the couple of years before I moved to AZ I had a really hard time during the winter months. My mind pretty much shut down and I would slide back into a depressed stupor that would last pretty much from December thru April.

After moving to AZ I noticed that I didn't have that problem any more! It was amazing to me. At first I tried to pass it off as being related to meeting DH, being happier in my job, blah, blah, blah. But now I realize that it really was related to the weather.

This winter has been hard again but realizing the reason behind it has helped. I'm not as deep into my funk as I normally get, probably due to having DS to keep me focused. But don't let that fool you, I still can't wait to get back to the "sun and fun" of AZ. Until then I'll enjoy each spring day here. There's nothing like spring in the PNW. Really! The moderate temps, the cool breezes (which are what I miss the most when I'm in AZ), the birds singing, the flowers and trees blooming... It gives one hope that the coming year will be better than the last one.

Happy 2nd Birthday Thomas

This 'n That

So the other good news this week has been about my friend S. I spoke with her the other day and she is doing wonderfully, though she is sick as can be the poor dear. They did lose one of the babies but the remaining baby is strong. She hit the 10 week mark yesterday. That's the longest she's ever been pregnant!

If you remember back in December I told you about the G family and their little girl Sarah. We were honored to go with them when they finally laid the headstone for Sarah, thanks to the generous gift from a foundation. One of the local news stations collected footage for a segment and today it aired. They did a FANTASTIC job on the story. I cried, again, as they told the G family's story, and the story of the family that created the foundation. It's refreshing to see the media get something right, and I think they did with this story. They handled it with dignity and respect for both families, and in a very sensitive manner.

An Update From The Front

The most disturbing phone call you can get from your husband is one that involves the word "explosion". Luckily it was him making the call, and wasn't a visit from a group of Army officials that includes the chaplain. I won't go into alot of detail, for obvious reasons, but I will say that today was the second time I was almost made a widow. The thought makes my blood run cold. It's one that plays at the back of your mind all the time and you hope to never allow it to come to the front.

We were lucky today, no one got hurt.

Worse Than Taxes

Want a fool proof way of ruining your Sunday afternoon? Try doing your taxes AND finding out that a dumbass has gotten his girlfriend pregnant - again!

I couldn't believe my eyes when I read an email from an aquaintance bragging about how his girlfriend is pregnant, with their second child, and the not so subtle implication is it was an "accident".

The insensitivity of his email was not intentional. He has no way of knowing that DH and I were TTC for so long before he was sent over seas. But I must say it took all my strength and self control not to send him a scathing email back. Maybe what made me angry was his comment that "we should know how to avoid this", or something along those lines. It finally came down to this...he does seem to be happy and I didn't want to ruin that for him or his girlfriend.

I know I shouldn't let news like this get to me but it's so hard. I can think of several other people I'd rather hear are pregnant than A and his girlfriend.

And to add insult to injury, DH told me yesterday morning that the wife of one of his friends in AZ is also pregnant. She got pg while he was home on leave. Hmmmmm...lucky them.... I about burst into tears on the phone. And DH is so sweet, offering to have an SA or whatever it took when he gets home. I know it's not him, it's me - either I'm too fat or too old. And I hate, Hate, HATE the fact that we are losing precious cycles while DH is away. I'm going to be 39 this year, there's not much time left.

So, my new goal for the next 5 months is to drop as many lbs as I can before DH gets home. I'll be damned if my weight is going to be an issue for us when it comes to getting pregnant.

Happy Days

So, a week (or more) has come and gone. DS is feeling much better, thank goodness. I love him with all my heart but puke and poop are my two least favorite things to have to deal with - let alone at the same time.

DH managed to score many points on Valentines day by sending me a beautiful flower arrangement. Generally speaking we don't "do" Valentines day so it was a nice surprise to get the flowers.

I've made it thru two weeks on my new job and haven't managed to mess things up too badly. I'm lucky to have a couple co-workers who are supportive and willing to answer my dumb questions. It's definitely not entirely what I thought it would be, but I'm looking forward to the challenge.

And Saturday a friend of mine gave me some of the best news I could have gotten on a beautiful, warm and sunny almost spring day in the NW. She's pregnant! S and J have been TTC since about the time DH and I started TTC 4 years ago. S has had 2 m/c in the last 18 or so months and was about ready to give up last time I talked to her. I can't say I blame her! All the medical proceedures, the poking and prodding, the meds and their awful side effects...they can take a toll on a person! And to endure this for almost 4 years is super human in my book.

Best of all, S is carrying twins:-) She's a bit wigged out but very excited. Both babies are looking good at this point. S is due to have another ultrasound this week to check their progress.

So, life is pretty good here. Now, if only the weather would stay nice for longer than 10 minutes at a time...

Update on the sickie

Well, the sickie is better though not 100%. I'm not sure whether it was bad food, a touch of the flu or what. At least the vomiting has stopped.

Life is settling into a routine again. This new job is going to be challenging, more so than I thought. That's ok, I'd rather have the challenge than be bored, which is how I was at my old job.

I really don't have much interesting or inspiring to say tonight. I'm pretty tired and have to be up early so I think I'm going to turn in. I'm guessing I won't run tomorrow morning either. AF showed today and I'm kinda crampy and not feeling up to dealing with a 4am wake up call.

Sickie Baby

The most horrible feeling in the world is not being able to help your child when he or she is sick. DS is not feeling well tonight - something he ate this afternoon I suspect. I'm hoping the worst of the vomiting is over now so he can get some sleep tonight.

Trucking Along

So far so good with the new job. I'm still adjusting to the new schedule, though this is going to be a tough week. I have to do a "sleep over" on Thursday night - basically pull an all nighter, something I haven't done in many many years.

DS seems to be adjusting pretty well. Luckily he loves to ride in my dad's guck (truck) and my dad is the one taking him to daycare for me. This way I get to pick him up and can spend some time with him before bed. I can't wait til the days get longer and it stays light longer!

The one piece of bad news the last week or so concerns my grandmother. She's going to be 90 this year (yikes!) and we found out that she's got 80% blockage in her heart. The docs were originally thinking she might be able to try using meds to correct this but now they say the best way is to do angioplasty. I'm a little nervous about this. She's not the most active person to begin with and the recovery could be difficult. The doc seems to think she's a good enough candidate though. It just makes me nervous that she has to go all the way to San Diego for the operation. We don't have a surgery date yet. Hopefully by the weekend we'll know more.

Out Of Practice

I have to admit, not having to work a full 40 hrs a week since June has made me soft. I'm exhausted and the week's not over yet! But exhausted in a good way of course.

The new job is going well. I've managed to locate the top of my desk and to get the ok to toss all of the crap the person before me accumulated. She was the ultimate pack rat - kept everything from the beginning of time in notebooks. My chore is to dump as much of it as I can! The best part is, I'm also going to continue training on the education programs I was working on before I got the job. I'm glad, I think I would miss working with the kids, even though they can drive you crazy;-)

DH is doing ok, from what I can tell. He can't talk about things as freely when he's "on a run" and we don't hear from him as often. It makes me nervous. The most dangerous time for them is on runs.

DS has decided that he LOVES the car wash. Today he insisted we go thru it with our car. Either my van was really dirty or he's just a goofball, lol. I think it was probably a bit of both. The van did need a rinse. I can't wait til it warms up enough to be able to wash the van ourselves.

I Got It!

So I started my new job today. I found out last Friday that they wanted me to take the position I'd interviewed for almost two weeks ago. I have to laugh because today wasn't any different from any other day really. Just a couple of short briefings added to the mix. The real schedule starts the week after next.

I'm still worried about the impact this is going to have on DS. I may end up having to switch day cares, though I'd rather not. I just don't like the idea of him being in day care for so long - have I mentioned that yet?

DS does seem to be doing a little better. He still has his moments where he gets quiet. I guess I'll just need to keep him busier. Week days aren't so bad, it's the weekends that have been rough. I'm hoping that this new job will help out with that. I'll have Saturday and Sunday off after this weekend. The fact that the weather is getting nicer and the days are getting longer helps too! I can't wait to get DS out into the back yard with his Tball set. He just loves baseball and asks to watch it all the time, lol! Yet another difficult thing to explain to a 3yo, the concept of a baseball season;-)

My Second Worst Fear

So last night I sat down and started a post but was interrupted by the call of my night owl DS. I don't even really remember what I was going to blather on about.

You see, my sweet little boy (I am trying hard not to call him a baby since he's now 3 years old) was having a difficult day yesterday. I'm not sure what was wrong but I'm beginning to have my suspicions. I really think he's missing his daddy these days.

It all started to gel with me last weekend. I was visiting with my mom when I dropped him off to stay with her while I was at work. She was relating to me the story of one of her clients and his little boy. Apparently it's been a tough custody battle and the boy has been caught in the middle (surprise!). So anyway, the gist of the story is the boy is getting to spend more time with his daddy now. And as my mom was telling me this I noticed that DS had stopped playing with his toys and was on the verge of tears. When I asked him what was wrong he just looked at me and then fell into my chest. I asked him if he missed his daddy and he just nodded. I almost cried.

So this week has proceeded as normal - work, daycare, and our daily phone calls with DH. Normally DS will say a quick "Hi" and be done but lately he's started talking to DH. Of course DH doesn't really catch most of the conversation but he plays along well. Like I said, normal stuff - until yesterday. DS was having the worst day. I swear he had toddler PMS or something. I couldn't even look at him without him dissolving into tears. If I told him he couldn't do something or have something same thing, instant tears. His teacher at day care said the same thing. Even his nap didn't cure his mood like it normally would. So I just let him try to express his frustrations and feelings the best he could. It was a rough day!

Today I picked DS up from day care earlier than normal. We had a great time doing some grocery shopping and playing when we got home. DS has taken to hand games. You know the ones where you hide a ball or something in one hand (with your hands behind your back) and have someone guess which hand it's in. After dinner as I was helping him wash his hands and face DS decided to pretend he had a camera and was taking my picture. We were having great fun with this until I said "Oh, that was a good one! Let's send that one to Daddy!" DS nodded his agreement but was very quiet after that.

This is what I feared would happen. How do I help my son understand why his daddy isn't here when everyone else's daddy is? He's 3 years old for crying out loud! All he knows is his daddy isn't here and there's no way to explain it so he'll understand. Believe me, I've tried. And even if I could explain it it doesn't change the fact that DH isn't home with us and won't be for another 7 mos.

And just in case you were wondering, all the attention lavished upon a child by grandparents and aunts and uncles does not replace a missing parent.

Snow - Bleh!

OK, I'm going to whine here for a minute. If you don't want to listen turn the volume down on your TV for 30 seconds...

I like snow, I really do, but this is getting ridiculous! We've had the worst weather the last 2 mos or so. The end of November was the first big snow storm, then a week later was the big windstorm followed by snow last week. Last week and this week we've gotten more snow followed by freezing temps at night and warmer temps (above freezing - barely) during the day. That means MORE ice on the roads. People here don't do well with ice on the roads.

And to top it off schools have been closed which means my programs at work have been cancelled. This means no pay check for me. Lord, I hope I get the job I interviewed for today. It's full time which means better pay (not by much but better) and I'm not going to be as dependant on programs for hours.

DS has been having the time of his life. This morning he looked at me and said "I love the snow Mommy!" while we were cuddling on the couch watching it snow. It did concern him that Santa might be lost though. I think I managed to assuage his fears by explaining about the North Pole again;-) Ahhhh to be 3 and have your biggest concern be whether Santa is directionally challenged.

And did I mention I'm PMSy and AF showed yesterday without so much as a crampy warning?!

About the only good thing that's happened this week is that DH has managed to not get blown up. The last couple runs he's had to make have been pretty intense. I don't have all the details of course but I don't really need them.

Reality Check

So I'm not turning out to be any better at posting this year than I was last year. I swear, I look away from the calendar for a moment and a week has gone by!

Not that there is much to really write about these days. With the holidays over we are settling back into routine. This week should be interesting on a couple different fronts:

1) I will be interviewing for a full time position at the museum. Hooray! I really hope I get the job. If I don't I'm going to have to find another part time one close to home. I'm just not picking up the hours I need, unfortunately.

2) The weather is promising to be nasty starting tomorrow evening. They are even calling for snow! As long as the power doesn't go out again, I'm ok with it.

On the bright side, DS is doing really well with potty training. He hasn't had a real accident in about three weeks. By real I mean flat out ignoring the urge to go and soiling his pants. He's had one or two "misses" where he's almost made it but not quite. My least favorite thing in the world of potty training a boy is trying to get him to stand still long enough to finish actually peeing IN the toilet. I've cleaned the bowl and floor in both bathrooms in the house (that we use) more times lately...and it's one of my least favorite chores.

DH is doing well, though he sounds tired when I talk to him. He's hating being over seas. I really think being gone for the holidays got to him. It makes me glad that he didn't end up getting the two year deployment to Afghanistan! I don't think he would have been able to make it.

I somehow need to figure out a time to go visit the IL. DH was saying today that his mom is having a hard time right now. FIL had ankle surgery back in late Sept/early Oct and is wheelchair bound for a while. That means MIL has to take up the slack with chores (feeding the animals and caring for FIL being the big ones). I don't know how much help I'll be if we go, though. I'd hate to add one more thing to her plate, KWIM?

That reminds me, I need to check my lottery tix and see if I won this weekend. That would solve a number of problems! Ouch! Did I ask you to pinch me and bring me back to reality?! Sigh! ;-)

Happy New Year

Time has flown since my last post. The holidays have come and gone with a last minute flurry of activity, very much enjoyed by my DS and myself even though DH wasn't able to be with us. We did get to visit with him on web cam for a bit, which was great. We haven't done that in a long time.

So the calendar has turned another page and the new year is now one day old. I sit in my bed, house quiet except for the gentle snoring of my DS in the next room and the rain pattering on the roof outside, and I wonder what this year will bring for us. I normally wish desperately for the year to go by slowly but this year I'm hoping the first 7 months or so go by as quickly as the first day did. This way DH will be home with us and we can begin to make plans for the future again.

I wish all my friends and family a year of peace and happiness. May all your hopes and dreams become reality and may your homes be filled with love and laughter.

Visiting

Today was an odd day. I'd made plans, way back, with my sister to go visit the cemetaries where my grandmother and grandfather are buried. No, they aren't in the same one - long story.

Anyway, we got some swags and took them from one end of the valley to the other. I haven't visited either of them in a couple of years. My grandmother has been gone for 20 yrs come January. I just can't believe it's been that long. Some day I'll tell you about her but for today let's just say I'm missing her alot. And my grandfather has been gone for almost 10 years. Another story for another day.

So we were on our way, boys in tow, when my sister decided to call a dear friend about when we are meeting on Christmas Eve. This friend laid a huge surprise on us, a great and wonderful surprise. A little background...

We've known the G family for many years now. Mrs G worked with my dad. About the time my parents split up the G family was going thru a tough time and ended up living with my mom. At this point they had 5 boys, the youngest just older than a year. One day I went over to visit my mom and was greeted with the news that Mrs G was in the hospital. She had been pregnant and something was wrong with the baby. None of us realized that she was even pg! I'm not clear on all that happened but the outcome was crystal clear, the baby - a little girl - did not make it.

Sarah Elizabeth was a beautiful little girl. I was fortunate enough to be able to see her right after she was born. Mrs G wanted the boys to come to the hospital and I offered to go with them to help. The nurses were so good to the family, much more so than I expected.

So, back to today. Mrs G told my sister that they were going to the cemetary to see Sarah, and her new marker. The G family had been unable to afford a marker 9 years ago when they buried her. A while back Mr G found out about a small local foundation that helps families with the burial costs, partial or all depending on the situation. So they applied for, and got, assistance paying for Sarah's marker and today was the first time they were going to see it. One of the local tv stations decided to do a story on the G family and the foundation that helped them, to promote the work the foundation is doing.

Again I was fortunate enough to go with them today. It's the first time since the funeral that I'd been out there. It is a beautiful marker!

Going with them today was sobering for me. At the time I wasn't a parent, at the time I didn't know that the seemingly simple process of growing and having a baby could go so wrong in such a hurry, at the time I just didn't understand. Today I couldn't help think about Thomas and Ryan, and their parents, as I was standing there. I watched Mr and Mrs G relive the pain of that time 9 years ago (almost exactly) so that others might know they aren't alone in their grief.

I wish I could lessen their pain. Mrs G told me that she still aches for Sarah 9 years later. But if something good can come of reliving that pain then she will gladly do it. I don't know if I could be that giving even after 9 years.

Happy Birthday To Me

Not!

So I'm now taking my horse pills and feeling a little better already. I swear, could they make these things any bigger?

And to top it all off, AF visited today. Just the early birthday present I didn't want. Now there's no possibility of getting pg until next summer at the earliest. By then DS will be 3.5 years old. What's worse is I will be 38.5. Not exactly ideal - especially when you consider the very real possibility that DH could get extended over seas.

I know, I've whined about it before but I really don't relish the idea of being pg after 40. The toll it takes on the body aside, I just don't like the risks for the baby.

I also would have liked DS to have a sibling closer in age. I'm 8 yrs older than my youngest sister and often times feel like I barely know her. I was graduating high school when she was starting elementary school. I wanted DS to have a sibling he could hang out with, go on road trips with, get in trouble with, you know normal close in age sibling stuff.

It must be the hormones making me crazy about this again, or maybe it's fatigue. Either way sorry to be so depressing. It's just I was hoping for a miracle while DH was home this cycle.

I Have What?!

It's not what you think. Last week I came down with a very painful ear ache. It started on Weds and by Thursday not even tylenol would touch it, plus I was running a fever. So I called in sick for work and headed to the doctor.

The doc took a look at my ears and said they were clear. Ok, so it's not an ear infection...or a sinus infection. Those were the two conditions I'd self diagnosed. So the doc says let's look at your throat. Ok, it doesn't hurt but what the heck.

So she takes a peak and says "One of your tonsals is swollen. I'd better take a strep culture, just in case." Again I humor her and allow her to gag me with an extra-ordinaraly long q-tip. I even carry the instrument of torture to the lab FOR her after my appointment, lol!

All thoughts of ears and throat are driven from my mind (mostly) that evening and Friday when our area is hit by the "storm of the century". We lost power, some still don't have power back on. All heck broke loose - long gas lines, horrible traffic due to malfunctioning lights, downed trees everywhere, you get the picture.

Imagine my surprise this evening when I check my voicemail and find a message from the doc that the culture came back positive! What?! My throat doesn't even hurt! My ears are still sore but that's about it.

Luckily the pharmacy opens early in the morning. The doc wants to put me on a course of antibiotics. I'm going to try to be there when the doors open so I can get to work. I can't believe this! I haven't had strep in years!

Guess it goes to show, you can't judge an illness by it's symptoms...

Melancholy Days

I suppose the incessant rain this week has made me feel this way. Maybe not really and truly depressed, just a little blue when I have time to think and no distraction besides the sound of the rain on the eves.

The euphoria of DS's birthday has passed and I'm realizing with each passing day just how grown up he's getting. He had his 3 year check up yesterday and was pronounced healthy as can be by the doctor. I'm glad for that. But the fact that he used the potty (standing up even) while we were out that afternoon and has been pretty consistent about telling me when he has to go makes me both happy and sad. Don't get me wrong, we still have a long way to go to be 100%! But watching him get himself ready (I do it Mommy!) and then actually go... well, he's definitely not a baby any more.

The other thing that has me a little down actually has nothing to do with DS - or me for that matter. I have a dear friend in AZ who has been TTC her first child almost since I got pg with DS. They've gone thru numerous IF treatments and have gotten 2 BFP's, one last Dec and one this past Sept. Both ended in miscarriage. I'm just devastated for her and her DH. I know there's nothing I can do but be here for her to talk if she wants. But even so I really don't know what she's feeling because I've never had to go thru that kind of grueling procedure nor have I had a miscarriage.

And the frustrating part for me comes when I have encounters like I had yesterday at the mall. DS and I were having lunch in the food court while waiting for Santa to finish feeding the reindeer. A little girl about 4 walked up to the hot dog on a stick place and attempted to order her lunch. The gal at the counter asked her where her mommy was and the little girl proceeded to yell across the food court for her mom to come over - for a good 2 minutes! The mom finally worked her way over, pushing a cart with a younger child probably about 1 year old. She was very obviously pg and was very quick to loudly tell the clerk behind the counter she was having twins. Twins! Must...resist...the...urge...to...scream... I couldn't help thinking (rightly or wrongly) how can someone like her end up with 4 kids under the age of 4 and not my friends, the ones who have tried so long and so hard to even bring home one baby.

So, you can see that the weather (and my hormones - PMS is such a wonderful thing) is getting the better of me these days. It's going to be a long week....

Good News and Other Things

The good news is, DH called and he made it back to his base safely. It's going to be a long 7 months til he's home again. And the really frustrating part is there are already rumors that his unit might be called up next summer! That's not to say he will end up having to go overseas again, but there's no guarantee he won't.

And the strangest thing happened to me today. I got an email from an old friend from college. I've known this guy for roughly 12 years. He's the best friend of an ex-boyfriend but we've managed to work past that (we don't talk about him). Anyway, out of the blue today he decides to email me thru my Reunion.com profile. I guess that's why it's out there, right? The last time I talked to T it was just days, literally, before I met DH.

I don't know why his email took me by surprise but it did. T is kind of a complex guy - brilliant and very aware that he is. I always feel like I have to be on my guard with him. I'm not saying I don't feel safe, just that I'm a bit out of practice dealing with him. He knew me during a very dark period of my life and yet has managed to not be revolted by what he knows. In some ways he knows me better than I know myself. It's like he can read my mind sometimes. At least that's how it used to be. Should be interesting catching up with him and his family. I liked his wife the couple of times I met her. She seems to balance him out well.

Can It Really Be?!

My DS is three years old, well ok, he will be in about 20 min. OMG! Where has the time gone. I just can't get over how quickly the time has gone. Tonight we started the festivities of "birthday weekend" by taking DS out to Red Robin for dinner. He loves to eat there, especially when the waiters and waitresses sing "Happy Birthday" to people. Of course we told the waiter it was DS's birthday and they came and sang a song for him. He was SOOOOO excited! He danced in his chair while they were singing, lol.

I've spent the last few nights going through our pictures of DS to create a special little montage for his birthday. It was so tough to narrow it down. His first year seems like so long ago! I barely recognize my bigger boy as that baby, and yet I can still feel him nuzzle me as we nursed and that sweet baby smell still lingers on the edge of my mind, ready to come to the surface of my memory at the slightest nudge. I am grateful for the wonderful three years we've spent together. DS has been happy and healthy, what more can a Mommy ask for her child?

Happy Birthday Sunshine!


Celebrating Jack's Third Birthday

Let It Snow!

The last couple of days here have been full of fun and excitement. Monday night DH and I went to the Seahawks/Packers game. It was lots of fun, especially when it started snowing shortly before the game started. What we didn't realize was how it would impact our drive home (3 hrs!).

Needless to say no one went anywhere yesterday due to the ice and snow. Yes, we are wimps here. It doesn't snow often enough for people here to be used to driving in the snow.

Anyway, we took lots of pictures and I decided to make a little montage. I hope you enjoy it!

Oh, and yes, I did go to work today. The roads were better though people were still wary of ice and driving slowly. I have to go in tomorrow and work all morning at airpark. Can you say COLD?!

OK, on with the show...



A Snowy Day In Seattle

Happy Thanksgiving

So another Thanksgiving day has come and gone. This year was especially nice since we are here with my family and DH is home. We had a wonderfully relaxing day.

Reflecting on what I am grateful for has been an ongoing theme today (as you might expect). The short list is:

1) My family. I'm blessed with a wonderful DH and a happy and healthy DS. Remembering where my life was before I met DH is like remembering another person's story. I'm so grateful to him for all he has taught me. And my DS - well he's just the most perfect little boy (even when he's irritating me). Three years ago I was anxiously awaiting his arrival and today I was enjoying the sweetest kisses and hugs.

2) My extended family. I'm very lucky to have parents and sisters who are as great as mine.

3) The opportunity to work in a field I love. Not many people are able to change career paths as radically as I've done. I feel lucky to be able to have this chance.

4) My friends. I have wonderful IRL and on-line friends. You all keep me sane and provide me with endless hours of entertainment and love. For you I'm immensely grateful and I wish you peace, love and joy.

Coming Home

DH is coming home! He's on his way and I can't begin to tell you how excited I am. It's only for two weeks but I'll take it. I can't wait to see the look on DS's face when he sees his daddy tomorrow. I don't know what time he'll be home, exactly, but I'm anticipating it will be some time mid to late afternoon.

That means, of course, that I'll be scarce around here - if it's possible to be even more scarce than I already am.

Oh, and I did get the "thing" out of DS's car and yes, it was the tip of my thermometer. Sigh! I haven't gotten a replacement yet. I'll do that this weekend.

Excitement and fatigue are getting the best of me and I must get some sleep. But I want to let Jelly and Claire know I'm thinking of them. I know it's been a rough week for both of you and I hope you take good care of yourselves. ((((((((((Jelly)))))))))) and ((((((((((Claire)))))))))) headed your way.

Sabotage

OK, so I know DS is too little to really sabotage (on purpose) but I had to share this little tale for those of you on the TTC rollercoaster...

I've been very bad about temping this cycle and my chart is a mess. I was going to give up on the last couple of days. You know how it is, DH isn't home so no BDing, DS has been sick off and on the last couple weeks, etc.

So, this morning DS woke up soaked. Not sure if it was just sweat or an overly full pullup. I ended up stripping the bed to wash his sheets. Because DS was a little terror I decided to take him to the mall to the kids playground and do the laundry later. When we got home he was in desperate need for a nap but alas his bed wasn't made. The easiest solution was for him to nap in my bed.

Now, my thermometer is always on the rail right near my pillow so I can grab it when the alarm goes off. And my DS, as many people know, is a car fiend. He needs to have at least one car in bed with him and his bear Ojo. Today's naptime choice was a little Hot Wheels car.

DS was resisting his nap when all of a sudden I hear "Uh oh! I broke my car!" from the bedroom. I go in to find he'd gotten something stuck inside the car (through the window) and I couldn't get it out...Are you following the train of thought here?!

That's right - it is the tip of my thermometer! Grrrrr!!! I didn't discover it until just a few minutes ago when I went to record today's temp and noticed the tip was missing. Sigh!!! At least I get paid this week so I can get a(nother) new thermometer. And no, I still haven't gotten the tip out of the car.

Piss and Moan About Everything Club

I think I need to purchase a membership in said club. Seriously! This whole PMS thing just sucks. I've been in a foul mood the last couple of days and I hate it. Today I feel it settling in the way a cold chill settles into your body when you've spent a little too much time playing in the snow.

Of course the weather probably has something to do with it. It's been raining more than not for the last week. Now I remember why I moved to Arizona 8 years ago.

I did manage to get the invites for DS's birthday party written out and will get them put in the mail tomorrow (even though there's no mail service). Believe it or not, that was the hard part! I haven't written anything long hand like that in I don't know how long.

And, yes, I did delete the link for the board I mentioned yesterday.

Can't...Stop...Looking...

When I was pregnant I belonged to two online communities for women due the same time I was. I really enjoyed both groups for the most part. Of course, as we had our babies and they grew older we went from an "expecting club" to a "play group", and I reconnected with a third group of ladies who were TTC or had gotten pg (finally). All was well and good, more or less.

One of the play groups was merged with mommies and babies from a couple of other months and I continued to post, though not with as much regularity. And in the last year or so I've pretty much stopped posting there all together.

Right before I stopped posting one of the women on that particular board became pregnant. It's not that I begrudge her her fertility. Under any other circumstances I would have been happy for her - even though sad for myself and several other ladies I know who are having fertility issues. This particular woman already had 4 kids and was told with her last one that she should not have any more babies because it would be detrimental to her health (read you could die from this!) and yet there she was, pregnant with #5 and #6. Yup twins!

As it turned out she did lose one of the twins, unfortunately. She had the remaining baby a few weeks ago.

So, what does all this lead up to you might ask?

The stupid woman is actually considering risking another pregnancy! Augh!!!

I've got to stop lurking on that board. I find myself silently screaming at the posts on this subject, and a few others. I scream silently because DS is asleep in the next room;-) But somehow it's like watching an accident - I can't seem to turn away. Please, please please...someone make it STOP!!!

I suppose the best thing to do is to just delete the website bookmark from my favorites. That will remove the temptation of reading posts. I think I will, since most of the people I was "friends" with on that board no longer post, for what I'm assuming are many of the same reasons I no longer post (not just the pg woman "thing").

Making Plans

I've begun making firm plans for DS's birthday party. I put a deposit down on the "banquet room" at the Mexican restaurant near my dad's house. As I was figuring how many people we will be hosting I was shocked to realize there are almost 40 of us! And that's just family, no friends from school. There is no way we could fit that many people in my dad's house. And the way the weather's looking we won't be able to use the back yard. One of the hazards of a winter birthday in Seattle.

We are going to get appetizers and non-alcoholic drinks. If people want beer or margaritas they can order them separately.

I'm also having the cake made by a very good friend of ours. I've known this kid, yes he's still a kid to me though he's almost 20, for a number of years. He does a fabulous job.

We're going to get a pinata for the kids and put it on a pole. No, I'm not dumb enough to trust little kids with a stick in a restaurant, lol! They now make pinatas you "break" by pulling on a string. Very restaurant friendly!

I'm so excited about this party. It will be the first time we've been able to throw a real birthday party for him, rather than having one here and one there over the space of 2 weeks.

Realizations

It has come to my attention - at least I'm now willing to admit it - that my DS will be 3 years old in less than a month. Holy SHIT! When did that happen?! I'll wax poetic (in other words bore you) on this subject in a few weeks

Life has been so crazy lately. I'm really enjoying work, though I wish the hours were more and more steady.

Friday was a fun day. I kept DS home from school and we met my sister, nephew, and my cousin, her little boy and sister at the children's museum. It was so much fun! We played in all the areas and I got some great pictures. I need to download them from my camera and put them on our web site.

And it's now about two weeks til DH comes home. I can't begin to tell you how anxious I am to have him home. He tells me he will be going out on runs pretty much right up until he's scheduled to leave.

I was just looking at some of the pictures he sent us. He looks tired (duh!). But it's more than that. There was one picture in particular, of him on the range with his rifle, that caught my attention. It was like looking at a stranger really. He's a loving sensitive man, his hands are strong yet so gentle, and to see (I mean really see) him holding a weapon that can take someone's life. Well, it just seemed unreal to me that it was the same hands that hold me close at night, that comfort our son when he is crying, those same loving hands that I held on our wedding day. In the back of my mind I wonder what life will be like once he's home at the end of all this. It's just that you hear stories of how different the soldiers are when they return and I wonder if I'm up to the challenge of helping him readjust to the "normalcy" of every day life.

Affirmed

This weekend was "football weekend" around here. Friday night DS and I met my sisters and we all went to my (and my sister's) high school homecoming game. I haven't been to a LHS game in years - literally. It was very interesting. The band is still playing the same songs, the dance squad is still doing similar dances, the cheerleaders are still doing the same basic routines, and the football team still sucks. Who says things never stay the same!?

Saturday night was the big ASU v UW football game. My sister is a Husky and I (of course) am a Sun Devil. Not the biggest NCAA rivalry out there but close enough in our family. Both teams are mediocre at best. The game was close, closer than it should have been, but in the end we managed to edge the Dawgs in overtime. It was a nice few hours out without the boys, though it was good to pick DS up from my mom's house.

The other fun thing about last night's game was that my former supervisor came up from AZ. Her son and DIL live here so it was the perfect opportunity to see her. We chatted a little before the game started and, like my high school, nothing has changed. The difficult situation I left has not gotten any better, and quite frankly isn't likely to any time soon from the sounds of it. After she left to return to her seat I couldn't help thinking that we really did make the right decision, moving up here.

You see, I've been second guessing moving lately. Money is tight, much tighter than I anticipated, and I was beginning to question the wisdom of making a career change now. But after listening to the situation in my former job I have to say I'm glad I did it. I know this is a temporary situation, I'm just "paying my dues" and gaining experience I'll need to get a full time position when DH comes home next summer. It's nice to have that affirmation.

In Love Again

Yup, you read right, I've fallen in love again - with reading! I've always loved reading. When I was a kid I could put away a book a week (or less). But once I got to college I had very little time to read for pleasure. Reading text after text really dampened my enthusiasm and, as a result, I hadn't picked up a book for fun reading in almost 20 years.

But about 3 weeks ago the most miraculous thing happened. I finished the book I was reading for work and was looking for something to take with me for my shifts at Airpark. My step mother suggested I pick up a Harry Potter book and take it with me - so I did. I am now hooked!

I know many people finished them along time ago but, as I mentioned, my reading time has been consumed with text books. I didn't want to risk what has happened. I'm addicted to the darn things!

The plus side to this is that my son has decided HE wants to read books too. He will bring me one of his books and say "I read Harry Potter too Mom." (and don't ask me how he knows I'm reading Harry Potter). Of course I put my book aside to read with him. I'm hoping that he will develop a love for reading too. I'll admit that, up until now, I haven't spent great amounts of time reading with him. As an infant, and even now, he was never interested in sitting still long enough.

It's nice thatI've become reaquainted with my "old friend". I have to say I've really missed it;-)

The Bloody Nose

So this morning started off on entirely the wrong foot. I forgot to change my alarm time and ended up waking up several hours earlier than I needed to be. Sigh! I managed to doze off again until my "real" wake up time.

I was a little surprised that DS didn't wake up earlier, as he tends to do on days like this. I ended up going in and waking him up - and getting the surprise of MY life! He had developed a bloody nose! The poor kid...it must have just started shortly before I walked in because it wasn't everywhere yet. We were finally able to get it stopped but it did take a while. I took him to daycare but ended up picking him back up an hour or so later when they called to tell me his nose had started bleeding again. Given the "stuff" that came out, I think it was his sinus clearing out the old blood rather than it really starting up again. The rest of the day was blood free.

And did I mention that keeping an almost 3yo boy from running around the house like a crazy man is hard?! OMW, this child has energy! Thank goodness he's a good movie watcher. He got a treat and was able to watch a couple movies back to back, which helped keep him still.

I will say I was tempted to take him into the doctor but didn't. But after thinking about it, the house was really warm last night, he was layered in blankets and a blanket sleeper and I think he got too warm and his nose got too dried out. I bought a cool mist humidifier and set it up in his room. We'll try running it at night and see if it helps.

Just when you think it's safe to say, "I have nothing new going on. It's all the same old same old..."

Pumpkins and Rain

So today my sisters and I took the boys to pick pumpkins. We've planned this for about 2 weeks now and of course it rained. Because schedules are what they are we stuck to our plan. It wasn't too bad when we got there but almost as soon as we got out into the pumpkin patch it started to rain harder. Sigh! We hurriedly got our pumpkins and then headed to find some lunch. We did get some good ones so I'm not complaining.

I do have to share this little video clip of DS. I took it last night (Saturday night) when we were playing in the back yard.

Part Time?!

I just wanted to check in and let "all my faithful readers" know I haven't forgotten about you! I promise! I've gotten so busy lately it's just craziness. Who knew a part time job could take up so much of your time. I do check in with the board when I can, and I'm stalking blogs as often as possible to keep up with you all!

DS is getting bigger by the day. He's enjoying school and bath time again (hooray!). I really think he's developed a fear of spiders which has contributed to the bath issue. Not sure where it came from since I've tried very hard no to pass my fears and phobias on to him. A couple of weeks ago he noticed a spider had built its web right outside the front door. It freaked him out and I had to carry him, and everything else, out to the car. Now he checks for spiders every time we leave the house. Needless to say we aren't decorating with spiders this Halloween.

Sunday we are planning to hit the pumkin patch with my sister and nephew. It should be lots of fun! I can't belive my nephew will be turning one next week. The time sure has flown!

Time for bed. It's going to be an early morning again.

In Memoriam

Today I received word that one of my former professors passed away. Jane was always the bright spot in an otherwise crazy haze of memories from my first attempt at college. She was my acting professor and encouraged everyone that they COULD act, even if they didn't think they could. She was a bit eccentric, as many in the theatre can be, but always there to help and support you. It isn't often that I would go back and visit but when I did, and she was there, she always had a hug and smile ready.

You will be missed Jane!

Mystery Solved - More or Less

So two baths have come and gone since my last post. Sunday night's bath was enlightening, to say the least. DS began to freak out again before he even got a toe wet in the bath tub. When I managed to coax him into the tub I noticed he was staring at the water intently. Then it happened, a stray hair began floating toward him. All hell broke loose once again. He again started to try to climb up me. I got the hair out but not before he noticed another one. The bath tub mat had been collecting hair and was releasing it as the water ran for DS's bath! Needless to say that mat got tossed in the trash that very night!

Tonight's bath was a similar experience - sans floating hair. I think DS was just anxious. I even tried to coax him into relaxing in a nice frothy, warm bubble bath and the familiar sounds of The Wheels On The Bus. No go! I was lucky to get his hair washed. But he did want to sing with me after I got him out of the tub and was getting him dressed.

Next attempt at bribery - new bath toys and bath tub paints!

A Fear of Soap

OK, I know the stereo type of little boys not liking taking a bath but for this story please divorce yourself of it. My DS LOVES bath time, at least he did up until recently.

Earlier this week, Weds night to be exact, was the first time I noticed this fear that DS has developed. He got into the bath tub just fine and allowed me to wash his hair with minimal complaint. So far so good. The whole process was going really well - until he realized there was soap in the water! At which point he started to freak out. I managed to get through the bath quickly(rinsed off) and get him out and he was fine.

Fast forward to tonight. Again, the pre bath ritual went off without a hitch. Potty...check...warm water...check...soap, shampoo and cup...check... Commence operation squeaky clean! I get his hair all lathered up and rinsed, no problem - until he again notices the soap bubbles floating on the water! All hell breaks loose. Uncontrollable crying and shaking with fear. He was practically climbing up the front of me to get away from the soap! All he could say is "No soap" when I asked him what was wrong. He was still covered in body wash so I had to take him into my dad's bathroom to rinse him off because he would NOT get back in the tub. A few minutes later he was perfectly fine, no sign of the hysteria at all!

I'm truly at a loss here. We've gone from a kid who used to beg to take a bubble bath to one who can't even handle a little bit of shampoo floating on the water!

And so I'm up at 1am thinking about this and wondering how to help him get over it. Did something happen at day care? I can't ask that question right now because they are closed. Did something happen last weekend at my mom's? No, I don't think so because they didn't say anything about having to bathe him while he was there. He hasn't been out of my sight in the last two weeks except to go to day care or visit with my mom and sister while I was at work last weekend.

It's a mystery....

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

My son has decided this is his favorite song and walks around the house singing it. It's so cute! I need to try to get it on video for DH to see. The funny thing is, he "stylizes" the song. That is, he will sing parts of it really fast and then stops and sings the rest of it really slowly. Hilarious!!

Last night we went to my godson's soccer game. It's the first time DS has seen a soccer game. It was very chilly and the fog moved in about half way through the game. Fall has DEFINITELY arrived. And the funny thing is, while I was chilled, it felt very good to actually be able to see, feel and smell the approach of fall. Of course the whole time I kept thinking, thank goodness DH isn't here, lol. He HATES the cold and dampness of fall and winter.

Oh, and DS learned how to "play" soccer. My godson's brothers were very good about playing with him and kicked the ball around with him. It was fun to watch. My godson is 9yo and I've known this family since his oldest brother was 4yo (he's now 19!).

Flashback

Tonight there was not much on tv. I'm not much of a reality show watcher so that leaves precious little for me most nights. I've taken to watching alot of TLC, Discovery Channel and PBS lately. Tonight was a PBS kinda night, lol.

So while I was searching for something to watch, I stumbled across a wonderful program dedicated to the music of John Denver. I know, I know...but honestly, I do like his music. As a child I would sing with his records/songs. He was one of the singers who inspired my "style". But I never fully appreciated the poetic - ness (is that even a word?) of his lyrics.

As an adult - a wife and mother - his songs take on an all new meaning for me. I've always loved Leaving On A Jet Plane, Annie's Song, Country Roads, etc. They are GREAT sing-a-long songs. But now I really get them.

And as I listened to Annie's Song for the umpteenth time tonight my mind inevitably went to my DH. The love I have for him and how much I miss him. Yes I'm a sap, lol. The next few weeks can't go fast enought...

Quiet On The Home Front

All's quiet on the home front these days. Seriously, things are so boring here. It's the same old same old. Not that I'm complaining! I'll take it after the turmoil of the last few months.

I was talking to DH tonight (first time in 24 + hours) and realized he'll be home in about 8 weeks! Yikes!! The last 8 have gone by so quickly, I hope the next 8 will also. It will be nice to have him home.

DS is doing well at school. This morning I found out that he has a buddy he likes to hang out with at school. That makes me very happy! I know he plays with all the kids at one point or another but it's nice to have a "bud" IYKWIM. He had a really good friend at his old day care and I know he misses J. I also know J misses DS, as I've traded emails with J's mom.

Yesterday my sister and I took DS and her DS to the children's museum. It was great fun though I was disappointed that the Clifford exhibit hadn't opened yet. It opens this weekend, when I have to work of course! Oh well, I'm going to try to get DS down there again on my next day off.

The weather has definitely begun to turn here. It's raining right now, and cold. I don't know when it started. I love the sound of rain on the roof and didn't realize how much I missed that sound. Our apartment in AZ was a ground floor one so we never even heard the rain most of the time. Of course, ask me again in mid December how much I love the rain, lol.

To believe or not believe

I'm not feeling any less in the way these days. Unfortunately I haven't really had a chance to talk to them again yet. I'm hoping to find some time in the next day or so.

On the bright side, I've begun working out again. Lets see if I can manage to keep it up better than I've kept up with this blog;-) It actually feels good to get on the treadmill again. If the scale in the downstairs bathroom is to be believed, I've lost 8 lbs since I weighed myself a week or two ago. I don't know that I really believe that, lol.

Unfortunately I don't have anything terribly profound to say tonight. It's late, I'm tired and for some reason my DS has decided to make tonight the third night in a row that he's up late. Sigh!

In The Way

Have you ever felt like you are in the way no matter how hard you try NOT to be? Tonight I got a healthy dose of that feeling. My step mother basically told me that she is feeling crowded and that she and my dad need some space - oh and while you are at it, pony up some cash to help with bills. This last thing was something my dad and I had already discussed and come to an agreement on.

What really gets me is I've tried very hard not to be in the way, not to be intrusive on their privacy, and to be respectful of how she wants her house kept. She's very much a "neat freak" and me, well, I'm not. I have a toddler and have come to accept that there is no avoiding the mess a toddler makes. Since we moved here two months ago I've tried very hard to keep his mess in check, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it. Guess not...

And one of the things she asked me was how long we were planning to be here. Um, well, I thought the invitation to come up and stay was for the time DH is over seas. Apparently she didn't understand this, or I didn't understand it may not have been. I'm not sure which. This just adds to my uncertainty about whether I should have stayed in AZ, moved in with my dad or moved in with my mom. During my sometimes two hour long commute the last couple weeks I've been really questioning this. I spend very little time with DS any more and, to be honest, the pay at the museum is hardly worth what it is costing me in gas. This job really is to gain experience so I can (hopefully) move on/up in a museum when we go back to AZ. I'm definitely not in it for the money.

So I'm thinking I need to re-evaluate my work schedule at the museum. I'm going to ask them if they can schedule the bulk of my hours (preferably 8 at a time) on Tues/Thurs/Sat and then see if I can pick up something part time closer to home. I hate the idea of working two jobs but it may come to that. The alternative is to pack things up and move to my mom's, uproot DS from his new daycare that he is finally adjusting to and try to find a new one closer to work, and really piss DH off. I haven't decided if I'm even going to tell him about any of this. I don't want to worry/upset him.

Peace and Quiet

There are days when I long for peace and quiet. You know those days - the child is clinging to your leg and/or whining, the phone is ringing, you are trying to make breakfast and lunch at the same time, put on your makeup and not lose it because you can't find the child's favorite video and he's dying to watch it right NOW. These kinds of days can try the patience of a saint, which I definitely am not! I think to myself what I really want is to be able to sit in a quiet room and hear myself think.

And then I find myself in that quiet room, DS is tucked in bed and sleeping like the angel he is, my dad and step mother are out for the weekend - it's just me, myself and I. And I'm bored. Seriously! There is nothing good on tv, the book I'm reading is not appealing to me at the moment, and it's too late to call anyone.

When I really examine it, it's not boredom so much as I don't want to have to think. The thoughts in my head are the typical ones - finances, how can I squeeze in a few more hours at work this week......and why the heck am I watching a show about 9/11. Mostly I'm trying not to think about the close call DH had the other day. I'm not doing a very good job of distracting myself.

A Close Call

It's interesting how a person in a Nyquil induced sleep can be shaken awake. I remember the days when I used to be able to take said medicine and be out for hours. Not even an earthquake could wake me.

I have a head cold, and a week of work(because I have no sick time) and dealing with "monkey children" yesterday, forced me to bring out the heavy duty medicine. I only took a half dose so I could still be semi functional if DS needed me in the middle of the night.

But it wasn't DS who woke me, it was a phone call from DH. You know when a conversation starts out "I don't want you to freak out but..." that it's not going to be good news. Luckily for our little family the news wasn't as bad as it could have been - as bad as it has been for so many families. DH is ok, and so are the other soldiers he was with, but it was a close call with an IED. I don't know the particulars, and quite frankly that's ok with me! But I could hear the anxiety and fear in DH's voice so it had to have been a pretty damn close call.

Slacker With a Capital "S"

That's me! I'm ashamed to admit that DH has been gone almost a month and I have yet to even send him a letter. We talk almost every day. I don't have anything else to write!

I do have a care package ready to send out but had a hard time getting the last couple of things. I've got them now and the box will be going out tomorrow.

As for AF, well she's still a no show. I'm pretty sure I'm not pg. DH would have to have super swimmers as our timing couldn't have been worse! My cycle has been as long as 35 days before so I most likely won't test before then. I hate that solitary line staring back up at me from the bathroom counter;-) I'm betting it's just the stress of starting a new job and all.

Vomit, Laundry and Early Morning Insomnia

The worst thing in the world is waking to the sound of your child screaming hysterically. Really, how's a person to ever become comfortable with the idea of their little one sleeping in their own room, even a room just next to yours.

Yet I now find myself wide awake at 2:00 in the morning due to this very reason. And it's my fault. You see, this morning while putting away groceries I realized that there were some grapes sitting in the crisper of the fridge. I thought we didn't have any! So I rinsed them and picked through them and they looked pretty good. My DS decided he wanted to eat some of them so I set him up at the table with some grapes and juice. All seemed well. However when he woke from his nap he was running a little fever. I gave him some tylenol, it worked great and I thought nothing of it. Fast forward to 5 min to 1:00am...

So now we are both sitting here, wide awake. I had to do a load of laundry to wash his sheets, and his beloved Ojo bear. She, unfortunately, took the brunt of the vomit since he has taken to sleeping ON her lately. I need to go check on her and the rest of the sheets. Then maybe we can see about getting back to sleep.

Oh, and being awake at this time of the morning has allowed me to wonder just where the hell is AF?! She's a day late and counting.

Fall

My commute to work usually takes me through one of the valleys in the area. This particular highway is one of the older ones, flowing two lanes in both directions. It's well used!

This week, as I mentioned, I've been going into work earlier than normal. The last couple mornings I've noticed a distinct chill in the morning air.

As I was coming down the hill yesterday morning I noticed that there was fog in the berry fields that line the roadway I was turning onto to get to the highway. It wasn't very thick fog. And as I drove along the highway winding through the semi-rural area that runs for about 10 miles before we get into more densly populated space, I noticed that those fields too had a light layer of fog. The fog stretched it's fingers toward the road, but did not cross over it.

I couldn't help but shiver a little (even though the heater was on in the car) and think Mother Nature is getting in some practice runs. It was beautiful and sad at the same time. Fall is around the corner!

Better

Just to update, DS is fine. This morning you couldn't even tell he'd been stung. By bed time last night the swelling was gone and you had to look very closely to see the sting site. When we talked to DH and told him about the sting, DS showed him his elbow! LOL!

Today was a much better day on a couple other fronts. Along with the bee sting yesterday DS also got "written up" for hitting. We sat on the steps and talked and I reminded him he needed to use his words. This is only something he does when he's really frustrated. I know I sound like the my-child-is-never-wrong parent when I say this but...I wonder what the other kid did to irritate him? About the only thing that will cause DS to hit is if he's "defending" his toy or the other child gets right in his face. DS is very particular about his personal space;-) I know that doesn't make it right, which is why we talked about it when I saw the write up, it just helps me to understand what is behind the behavior.

As for me, this week I'm working with the summer camp kids at work. What a challenge! I'm getting a glimps of what is to come with DS. Most of the kids in our group are really good kids, but of course there is always one or two that spoil it for everyone. Well today, that one kid didn't come back to camp. I do feel sorry for him, as I understand his father isn't terribly engaged in raising him (though he lives at home with the kid). It has to be tough when you have to earn your parent's attention. But it sure did make today go much more smoothly not having to deal with this child!

Another First

OK, my DS is now 2.5 years old so you'd think we were about done with "firsts" but we had another one today. He was stung by a bee. Luckily the worst of the reaction was a slightly swollen finger. Better than the stopped heart I had when they called to tell me about it.

The Sweetest Sound

There is nothing sweeter to me than the sound of my DS's laughter. He's a great fan of physical comedy and will laugh the loudest longest belly laugh.

Jinx

I think I jinxed myself. DS is having a harder time adjusting to his new school than I thought. The last two mornings have been crying fits and a little boy clinging to my neck for dear life as I try to leave the room. It just rips my heart out!

There is nothing wrong at the school. His teachers tell me he settles down just fine after I leave. He's well fed, changed, and kept as clean as a 2.5 yo boy can be while he's there. It's just the adjustment period to a new environment and schedule. You see, when we moved DS had been going to his school since he was 7 weeks old. It was all he'd known. I hate that he has to go through this!

My job is going well so far. Of course it's just the first week, but I think that things will be just fine on that front. I've learned more about airplanes and aviation than I EVER thought I would. And the funny thing is - it is interesting!

New Job, New School

So today was my first day at the museum. It went really well. I'm exhausted! My feet hurt because I was on them all day. They haven't hurt like this since I worked at the airline many moons ago. Note to self: don't wear new shoes on your first day at work when you have to be walking around and standing on concrete in 85 degree heat with little shade.

This job could be fun! I will most likely get to dust off my acting/theatre skills and participate in the living history program. Time to read up on the early part of the 1900's!

DS also had his first day at his new day care today. It seems like he enjoyed himself. He didn't cry when I dropped him off today. We'll see how it goes tomorrow morning. He was one tired little boy tonight! He went right to bed without a fuss (finally!).

We also got to see DH tonight using our web cams. Unfortunately his connection in his room isn't the greatest so he's still going to have to use the "cyber cafe" on the base. It was worth a try! I'm not going to complain because we still get to see him and talk to him.

So life is finally starting to settle in here.

A Piece of Cake

Lately my DS has been asking for birthday cake - it's what he calls all cake. It started about 2 or 3 weeks ago. I have no idea why.

So the other day I was in the grocery store and saw this cake. I bought it and brought it home so we could share it with my dad and step mother. We cut into it on the 10th, and we wished Ryan a very happy birthday while we were doing it.

Remembering an Angel

Tonight's post is a tribute to Ryan David. Most everyone who reads this blog knows who he is, but for those who have stumbled across this blog and don't:

Ryan was born one year ago - August 9th, 2005. He was so loved by his mommy and daddy, but his time on earth was short. He passed away just two days later.

Ryan and his parents have come to hold a special place in my heart. Sher and Mike have been so open with those of us on the boards, sharing their joy in his impending birth and the horrible sadness at his passing. I appreciate their candor because it is a daily reminder to me to be grateful for the blessing of my little boy.

The other thing they have done is give me a little perspective on a family tragedy. Approximately 22 years ago (can it really be that long ago) my cousin Caitlin was born. She too had a congenital heart defect. Caity was not expected to survive more than a couple of days but she did. She fought long and hard for the 8 years she spent with us. I spent a few hours with her at the end but I never truly understood the pain my aunt and uncle must have been going through. Through Sherry I have come to have a better understanding, and respect, for my aunt and uncle and what they have had to overcome.

To Sherry and Mike, know I am thinking of you today and always. I send you all the strength and love I can.

To Ryan, the sweet little angel who I know is celebrating his birthday with his loved ones on the other side - including his buddy Thomas, Happy Birthday little man! You will never be forgotten.

Late Night Randomness

I finally heard from DH this afternoon. He made it overseas and was getting settled in. I'm glad his flight was uneventful. For some reason I was really nervous about it.

One of the great things about being home is that I have "workout buddies" again. My sisters are both trying to lose weight also and we've taken a pact to get together at least once a week and ride our bikes. We went for a nice long ride earlier in the evening. It was great! And the nice thing is my DS did really well for most of the ride. Last time he fussed with his helmet, didn't want to be in the trailer, and was generally a crank pot. Tonight I couldn't get his helmet on him fast enough, he was anxious to get in the trailer and held out until about 5 min from the cars before he got cranky. I'm hoping our ride next week will be the same, or even better.

The one thing my dad and step mother have in their house that I refused to have in mine is a scale. I stepped on it the first week we were here and was pleasently surprised that I hadn't gained any more weight since my last doctor's appt many months ago. I think I now know what my max body weight is! When I got on the scale today it says I've lost about 3 lbs. I'll take it - at least for now. I'd like to lose about 20 times that if I can. I'll take 10 times that by this time next year, just in time for my 20th high school reunion. OMW, can it really be 20 years already?!

Nerves

I got good news this morning as I was engaging in some retail therapy. I got the job I applied for! I'm excited and a little nervous, as expected. Though the nerves are as much for my DS as they are for me. I now need to put him back into daycare at least part time.

I know he will love it. I'm sure he misses the interaction with other kids and the structure of routine. I'm just nervous about finding a place that's as good as the one he was in in Arizona. I actually have a lead on a couple places. I need to go check them out ASAP. I'll be making calls tomorrow to set up appointments.

As for the job, I have no idea what my hours will be like and I admit I'm a bit nervous about the fact I'll be working mostly with school age children. But it will be a welcome change from working with adults who act like school age children!

The Time Is Here

DH will soon be on his way over seas. The doctor cleared him yesterday - his knee is healed and he's ok to go. This is a relief, and yet not.

I think the reality of this is finally hitting DH. With all that is going on in the world he's finally getting nervous about going. I've been anxious about this for a while now. It turns my stomach in knots to even think about what could happen. So, in true Scarlett O'Hara fashion, I don't really think about it.

I know sometimes it's hard for people to understand why we decided DH should volunteer for this mission. Sometimes I don't understand it myself. There is the practical side of it (the money will put us into a house at the end of all this). But there is something more. A determination to help prevent further attacks on the US...maybe. A hope that we are keeping our son, and any other future children we may have, safe... definitely.

Some would argue that this action/war in Iraq is not justified. Being the "bleeding heart liberal" my father thinks I am, I would have to say I agree. I'm not blind to the fact that our country was lied to. But some how, some way, I can understand my DH's need to do this mission.

Maybe it's my upbringing that allows me to get past the distrust I have for the "brass" and the decisions they are making. My dad was career Navy. He went in during the Vietnam war and spent 20 years of his life serving. He doesn't talk about that time very much, like so many men and women who served. My mother was also in the Navy. Before her was my grandfather in WWII. I know, if he were still alive, he would also understand DH's need to do his duty. He felt that need too. He never really talked about what he did during WWII, only that his ship ran missions across the Atlantic Ocean. My grandfather was a humble man - those missions we later found out were very dangerous, running supplies and escorting other ships. This is just the surface of my family's history of service in the military. As you can tell I'm very proud of all the members of my family who have served and sacrificed for our country. I can honestly say, if my own son comes to me in 17 years and says "Mom, I want to join the military." I would be proud of him. That doesn't mean I won't cry and I won't be afraid for him, but I would support him in his decision. And I'd send my dad (a former recruiter) with him to the recruiter's office! LOL!

I worry about what this mission could do to DH mentally and emotionally. He's a big guy, but he's very sensative. Especially when it comes to children. Don't get me wrong, he's no pushover. Working in corrections as long as he has will take the polish off anyone's ideals! I just hope this mission won't be too hard on him.

Regardless of which way you fall on this issue, please say a prayer for all the soldiers, sailors and airmen who are far from home. They are doing their job, protecting us, and they do their job very well.

Stop Asking Why Already

Why is it that people who shouldn't have babies are able to get one so easily?

This, my friends, is the $64,000 question of the day.

I just got back from taking DH to the airport. On the way there he called a friend of his from home. Now this guy is a nice guy, don't get me wrong. He has two kids from his first marriage. When his marriage went down the drain he hooked up with someone from his work. I think she also has a couple of kids from a previous marriage. In addition to this, J has a granddaughter who is about my son's age (maybe a little older) that he is supporting.

Now, the divorce between J and his first wife was less than pleasent (as if these things could ever be pleasent). He's not married to the gal from work - yet. I know this in and of itself is not reason to think they would be bad parents.

Back in April DH, DS and I had gone to visit the IL and DH's friends, including J. At one point the subject of babies came up and J mentioned that he and his girlfriend decided to NTNP. I immediately thought "Why?!" but managed NOT to say it out loud. At that point DH and I had been TTC actively for 9 or 10 cycles with no success.

Fast forward back to tonight, DH called J to see how things were going and found out that J and his girlfriend are in fact PG - approx 3.5 mos pregnant. By my calculations they got pg about the time we saw them last!

Call me shallow, call me a bitch, whatever. I just could not bring myself to congratulate them tonight. It's not fair that they were able to so quickly achieve what I, and a number of you, are unable to. I try not to judge people by their situations but for crying out loud. This is not the healthiest of relationships.

Sigh! I guess I'm just bitter that we've had to put so much on hold this year. Or maybe it's just the fact that AF decided to rear her ugly head today, three days early. Whatever it is I hope my mood lifts in the morning. It's been a long day.

My Own Little World

Why does the world have to push its way into my little reality? I finally manage to convince myself that things will be ok with DH going overseas and things start to heat up over there again. And to have it intrude in my own city...

I wish I could block out the bad things that are happening. It makes me sick to think that I can't even make life plans beyond the next 6 mos. And that is pushing it. The uncertainty is crushing at times.

Aren't you so glad I'm back with my oh-so-cheery blog entries;-)

As my son would say "Thank you so much Mom-mom!"

Things in Threes

OK, so I'm a total blogging slacker. LOL! So much for posting daily. It was a noble goal...

You know how they say "bad" things happen in threes? Well, we've reached that quota with DH. First was the wallet, then the broken hand. Then, two days before he was scheduled to leave overseas DH fell and split his knee open!

He's got 12 stitches in his knee. The doctors won't release him to go until the wound is completely healed. Apparently the sand over there is really fine and gets into everything no matter how well protected it is. Add to that some nasty bacteria and such and the conditions are not good for someone with a gash from one side of his knee to the other.

On the bright side, he's home on convalescent leave until this coming Sunday. It's been great having him around even though he's not as helpful as he could be if his hand weren't in a brace.
We've been taking advantage of him being home, and me not working yet, and doing a ton of family stuff. The zoo, the water and amusement park, all kinds of fun stuff. My son is really enjoying having daddy home.

OK, I'd better get going. I've got some grocery shopping to do. We start seriously working on potty training next week once our schedule gets back to normal. I'm the potty training woosy of all time. LOL! Now I have no more excuses, it has to get done.

Settling In

Sorry it's been almost two weeks since I checked in. We did in fact make it to Seattle. DS handled the trip like a champ! Of course we all now know the dialogue and lyrics in the movie Chicken Little by heart, lol.

The first week here we did as much as we could as a family before DH had to report back to the base. It was great. I'll have to load up some pics to share with you all.

This week has been a vain attempt at unpacking and organizing all the stuff we brought with us. I fear that some things got left in storage in Arizona. The most important bits - the screws and stuff from DS's bed - I did manage to find. We need them to set up the bunk for my cousins to use next month when they visit. I also got the final application materials taken over to the museum I applied at.

Oh, and an update on the continuing saga of the missing wallet...DH found out on Tuesday this week that he did break his hand. Funny how that will happen when your fist meets the wall at a high rate of speed and velocity! I don't think it would have been so bad if he hadn't insisted on moving alot of the heavy stuff by himself. Luckily it's not so bad and the doctors cleared him to return to duty.

I know I've been a bad board member lately, being MIA and all. I apologize to everyone. This full time Mommy gig is fun but hard. I knew it would be challenging, thanks to the insite from the SAHM on the board.

Speaking of, I'd better head for bed now. DS will be up before I know it. Sleep tight!

Notes from the Road

I'm checking in from the road. We stopped for the night in Redding, CA last night. For those of you unfamiliar with the most direct route from Phoenix to Seattle, we are in No. CA just a couple hours north of Sacramento. It's so beautiful up here. We are getting ready to head into my favorite part of the drive.

My son has done really well on this drive so far (knock on wood). The dvd player in the van really helps. He hasn't caught on to what is going on yet I don't think. The next day or two should be interesting.

I'm exhausted. We didn't get done cleaning the apartment until noon on Saturday. Ugh! I never realized we had so much shit!! A 1000 sq ft apt holds alot of stuff! LOL! Luckily the complex was nice about giving us the extra time.

Well, the troops are beginning to move around so I'd better get ready to hit the road. "See" you all in Seattle.